ChaseDream
搜索
返回列表 发新帖
查看: 1732|回复: 3
打印 上一主题 下一主题

TWE44及其他:请各位帮忙修改,第一次练笔,小女子有礼了:)

[复制链接]
楼主
发表于 2007-8-3 21:46:00 | 只看该作者

TWE44及其他:请各位帮忙修改,第一次练笔,小女子有礼了:)

写了三篇,恳请大家拍砖!还有二十天就考试了……

第一篇是TWE,其他的忘了在哪儿看到的题目了。

bow

44.why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities.
        

 

 

 

 Nowadays some "extreme" sports have become more and more prevalent among the citizens. Climbing snow mountains with the latitude of more than 5,000 meters, crossing the vast deserts alone or just bungee Jumping all seem to be new fads with thousands of fans. The reasons for the popularity of such dangerous sports may lie in both psychological and social factors.

 

 

 

 Excessive pressure and intense anxiety have marked the life of most modern collars, who have to immerse themselves in the gigantic building of market economic and serve as a small screwThe stress accompanied by such hasty lifestyle needs an outlet, while they only got few hours each month to get a little bit relaxation. Therefore, they need an extreme form of activity to help relieve such enormous pressure. This is the underlying mechanism that makes such dangerous activities popular as the danger often brings great excitement and stimulation as well.

 

 

 

Ignorance of the danger may be another reason contributing to the fad. According to the perspective of social psychology, even though people are aware of the inherent danger of some events, they are likely to ignore them if the chances are low or if the danger seems remote. Over optimistic is the nature of human beings in that people never believe they can be the unfortunate ones until the disasters happen. On the other aspect, people may also ignore the possible danger because they are overwhelmed by the expected joy of the activity.

 

 

 

 Blind social fad and the advocating of media also encourage people to take the risk. The so called "New climber lifestyle" lured many youngsters into a illusion of so-called spirit dream. They consider the people who reach the peaks as the group who can have a conversation with the nature and brave enough to challenge the limitations of human being. However, ignorance of the potential of danger only leads to disastrous results which break their dreams.

 

 

 In conclusion, while the mental displacement associated with modern life is a major cause of this unormal phenomenon, carelessness and ignorance of the beholder as well as public opinion put more people into its practice. Hence, it's important to call the public's attention to the risk of such activities, especially among the white-collars who are most zealous and enthusiastic about them. Besides, reducing or ultimately eliminating the pressure in modern life are root to the problem.

 

 

Should the class be reduced to twenty students?
        

 While the cost associated with class room teaching is always an important consideration for a university, I maintain that if the class can be reduced to twenty students, the benefits far outweigh the cost. The reason for my argument is that in a traditional big class, the effectiveness of teaching are generally compromised.

 While the cost associated with class room teaching is always an important consideration for a university, I maintain that if the class can be reduced to twenty students, the benefits far outweigh the cost. The reason for my argument is that in a traditional big class, the effectiveness of teaching are generally compromised.

 

 

  Firstly, it is hard to assure that every student can get most out of the class with too many students. On the one hand, students who sit in the back of the classroom may not catch what the teacher is saying or may have difficulty seeing the black board. On the other hand, the lack of supervision in a big class allow for some students who don't have much interest in the class to do irrelevant things. Phone calls, talking or even watching movies may happen in a big classroom which may in turn distract other students.

 Besides, considering the increased difficulty with maintaining order and discipline in a big class, the instructor may focus more on the conveying of basic ideas of the book instead of deepening the understanding of students. It's hard to imagine spontaneous Q and A and free communication between teacher and students in a big class since it may only brings disorder. In addition, the students may have more hesitation to raise a question in the presence of too many other students. All these problems disappear in a small class in which the teachers and students have enough time to communicate and even dispute over a certain topic.

 Moreover, small class size can make a difference in the evaluation of students. Big class generally means a big burden on the part of the teacher to revise the assignments or even papers of students. With a smaller class teachers can allocate more small assignments on the students and thereby can provoke their interesting and involvement in the class. Several assignments also outweigh a big test because it reduce the risk of students who may get a low evaluation just due to bad luck in one test.

  In sum, a small class with about twenty students can contribute to an ideal environment for the classroom teaching as both the teachers and students can concentrate on improving the effectiveness of the class.
    

        

        

 The best things in life don’t cost money
        

 It is true that nobody can live without money. Money, which in history used to be an occasional intermediate of exchange, has now become the bloodstream of modern society. Important as it is, money does not always bring the most essential parts of human life, as the best things in life are generally both priceless and valueless.

It is true that nobody can live without money. Money, which in history used to be an occasional intermediate of exchange, has now become the bloodstream of modern society. Important as it is, money does not always bring the most essential parts of human life, as the best things in life are generally both priceless and valueless.

 Money lies in the heart of modern market system as an intermediary tool of trade and exchange. In the Agriculture period, barter serves as the basic means of exchange. With the more and more abundant commodities, barter became no longer feasible due to inconvenience. So appeared money. From then on money has become an inseparable part human life. Nowadays money facilitates every aspect of human society——not to mention the financial and currency system, but even the arts and literature cannot thrive without the support of money.

 A current poll concerning “happiness” aptly illustrated this point. When people are asked about what are the most important things in their lives, they enlist “health” “family” “friend” and the list goes on. Nevertheless, few people list “money”. The survey also reveals that money only adds 0.00000001% point to one’s subject wellbeing after the annual income reach a certain threshold. Or to say, once people’s income can support the basic needs of life, money plays little role in boosting their sense of happiness.  

 A current poll concerning “happiness” aptly illustrated this point. When people are asked about what are the most important things in their lives, they enlist “health” “family” “friend” and the list goes on. Nevertheless, few people list “money”. The survey also reveals that money only adds 0.00000001% point to one’s subject wellbeing after the annual income reach a certain threshold. Or to say, once people’s income can support the basic needs of life, money plays little role in boosting their sense of happiness.  

  After all, the most valuable things in our lives seem to come from our creation, both with our hands and minds, instead of buying with money. However wealthy you are, you can never escape illness and death. A cultivated mind originates from reading, thinking and reflection rather than money. Even for the wealthiest men in the world, they don’t success because of money, but their persistence and intelligence brings them money.


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-8-5 19:24:56编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2007-8-5 17:22:00 | 只看该作者

整体的水平还是很不错的

但是,不要用nowadays

还有就是你的论点需要well develop

所谓的well developed

就是,比如:

你支持A,你用X这个理由来支持A

很多人写完X这个理由,就觉得这个点结束了,其实这是不对的。

你还需要写A如何产生X这个优势,而且还应该写X这个优势如何服务我们(这里就可以举例了)

如:电视和报纸哪个好

我支持电视好。因为电视有速率(很多人就只把这里理由陈述出来,然后就结束了)

我还应该说:电视如何快-通过卫星可以进行直播,电视台的记者遍布全球,最新的消息可以以最快的速度被公布。而报纸不能,因为报纸每天只有一版,消息更新得慢。所以,电视更快。然后接例子:比如,篮球比赛结果。如果看报纸,我们永远只能活在昨天,但是如果看电视,不仅可以很快知道结果,而且还可以看到画面,体验到比赛的刺激。结论:电视是多么好呀!

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-8-5 19:26:00 | 只看该作者

多谢德克了~~~~

不过为什么编辑项总是有问题,老是每一段会复制几遍,都没法改过来……

地板
发表于 2007-8-6 19:37:00 | 只看该作者


 Nowadays some "extreme" sports have become more and more prevalent among the citizens. Climbing snow mountains with the latitude of more than 5,000 meters, crossing the vast deserts alone or just bungee Jumping all seem to be new fads with thousands of fans. The reasons for the popularity of such dangerous sports may lie in both psychological and social factors.

 Excessive pressure and intense anxiety have marked the life of most modern collars, who have to immerse themselves in the gigantic building of market economic and serve as a small screwThe stress accompanied by such hasty lifestyle needs an outlet, while they only got few hours each month to get a little bit relaxation. Therefore, they need an extreme form of activity to help relieve such enormous pressure. This is the underlying mechanism that makes such dangerous activities popular as the danger often brings great excitement and stimulation as well.

Ignorance of the danger may be another reason contributing to the fad. According to the perspective of social psychology, even though people are aware of the inherent danger of some events, they are likely to ignore them if the chances are low or if the danger seems remote. Over optimistic optimism is the nature of human beings in that people never believe they can be the unfortunate ones until the disasters happen. On the other aspect, people may also ignore the possible danger because they  optimism is the nature of human beings in that people never believe they can be the unfortunate ones until the disasters happen. On the other aspect, people may also ignore the possible danger because they are
                    it is overwhelmed by the expected joy of the activity.

 Blind social fad and the advocating of media also encourage people to take the risk. The so called "New climber lifestyle" lured many youngsters into a illusion of so-called spirit dream. They consider the people who reach the peaks as the group who can have a conversation with the nature and are brave enough to challenge the limitations of human being. However, ignorance of the potential of danger only leads to disastrous results which break their dreams.

 In conclusion, while the mental displacement associated with modern life is a major cause of this unormal phenomenon, carelessness and ignorance of the beholder as well as public opinion put more people into its practice. Hence, it's important to call the public's attention to the risk of such activities, especially among the white-collars who are most zealous and enthusiastic about them. Besides, reducing or ultimately eliminating the pressure in modern life are root to the problem.

感觉楼主的语言很好,基本
            
没什么语法错误。
            

缺点是缺乏能都支持论点的examples

您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

NTU MBA
MSGO
近期活动

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2025-10-7 16:56
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2025 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部