iBT@CD 第二写作小组(10月), 也开始集训了

成员:Lisa.mycollege.hello77520.qcchq0208.淡水湖

[第一次作业]  请大家及早提交,如果长期练习下去,考试一定没问题. I believe it. And what do you think?

185之第25T

It has recently been announced that a large shopping center may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

这个是我以前写的,关于建不建电影院,有相似之处,大家可以参考一下

It is utterly a catastrophe for me to waste my precious leisure time to drive from my neighborhood to the movie theater for a blockbuster-virtually the drive time is, at most times, longer than a movie (Lord of the rings is an exception). Even more suffering, to those who have one or two “little emperor” to take care of, they will inevitably experience the affliction resulted from children’s successional noise and cry, of course. To such misfortune, another must be added-the highway to the movie theater is widely recognized as the vastest parking lot in our city. In the light of such a situation, setting up a movie theater, indubitably, is a salvation for us unfortunate people.

Saving time is a tangible merit of building a theater in our neighborhood, but not the only one. Simultaneously, it would undoubtedly bring our neighborhood with a considerable number of employment opportunities. It is good news for those who have underwent(undergone) the frustration triggered by the failure in job seeking and been worrying about their jobs in our neighborhood.

Without a theater in our neighborhood, actually, life is to some degree monotonous. We deem watching a movie as a special treat-we prepare for a long time to drive to the remote movie theater and to tolerate the tough drive time. In other tedious and friendless evenings, watching TV might be the unique form of entertainment. However, it will wholly change if a movie theater (were) to be built. Any new movies are at hands-fortunately only several minutes walk away. Via this method, the movie theater would certainly add color to our lives. In addition, those related shops, say, candy shop, soft drink shop, fast food restaurant also make life more convenient.

However, to me, as a matter of fact, the most alluring advantage of the movie theater is that it never fails to provide young people with a perfect place to date-quite(quiet) and dark, without the risk of being perceived by parents.

After four paragraphs tough writing, I believe unshakably, those reasons will suffice to support my perspective-building a movie theater in our theater is a perfect choice.

My response:

    As far as I am concerned, it’s a great choice to build a large shopping center here, for we can share the convience and prompt our daily living condition. No one would oppose the idea to bring us cheaper commodities nearby. There are some advantages below for the plan to be executed.

    First because the shopping center is nearby, we can save our precious time to go shopping or we needn’t buy something in a hurry. Then we can go there everyday to see what we like, even if we have a short time. It  will really bring me a lot of benefits. For example, we may know that something is on sale at the very earlier moment.

    Besides that, it can also bring other commercial companies here. Then people living no far from here can get a job. My uncle now works far from where he lives, and then he can takes less time to go to work.

    Also if people all come here to buy something, the traffic will be under construction. We will have broader roads and it will be easier to take a bus.

    All in all, people living here will welcome the shopping center. We realy want the plan coming true.

A square mile of shopping center has been planning to be built in Walling Ford, my neighborhood. On that account, some my neighbors are grateful with this news and the other residents are suffering this information.  So far, according to my analysis, I am look forward to building the enormous shopping center in my community.

 The essential reason I agree to build the new shopping center is it enables to resolve the local financial problems. Up to now, the governors of my location have been struggling to renovate those, library, elementary school, and nursing home, for seven years. As soon as the shopping center is completed, the number of the tax must skyrocket.  The fee of the renovation about the library, elementary school, and nursing home just is a piece of cake for our government.

 Not only does the future shopping center resolve the financial problems of my community, but also it makes our life more convenient than present. Right now I, constantly, drive 42 miles to the Sam’s Club and Walmart to buy staff for daily eating and using. Unquestionably, after the shopping center is done in a few shopping stores and over 100,000 populations area, the varieties of business will rush into the center without hesitation. Then we just need one stop and take less than 3 minuses to the center to purchase what we prefer buying. Thus. By building a large shopping center, many of people include me are able to enjoy the convenience of shopping.

 In conclusion, a large shopping center will delight us with resolving of financial problems and the convenience of life. Though we know that the area will be a little noisier than before, I think it is worthwhile after thinking of the promising future. I welcome the new shopping center and hope Walling Ford becomes better off.

上去。

你这个太短了,每个论点都develop得不是很好

最好再多写一点,我再改

A square mile of shopping center(这里表达不清楚,最好就改为a shopping center) has been planning(planned,被动) to be built in Walling Ford, my neighborhood. On that account, some my neighbors are grateful with this news and the other residents are suffering this information(这里用一个it指代就可以了,用information反而显得不是太自然). So far, according to my analysis, I am look forward to building the enormous shopping center in my community. (我觉得这个开头太过于的平淡了,没有亮点.你可以参考我写的那个movie theater的开头来写这个)

 The essential reason I agree to build the new shopping center is (that) it enables (will enable residents in our neighborhood, enable是个vt,后面一定要接名词) to resolve the local financial problems. Up to now, the governors of my location have been struggling to renovate those, library, elementary school, and nursing home, for seven years. As soon as the shopping center is completed, the number of the tax(tax skyrocket的意思是:政府向社会征收的税,统统都增高了,你的意思应该表达为:revenue<政府通过征税得到的钱> skyrocket) must(must这里不可以这样用的,应该改为:will, indubitably, +动词.) skyrocket.  The fee of the renovation about the library, elementary school, and nursing home just is(因为是还没有做的事情,所以要用将来时态) a piece of cake(我不建议用a piece of cake这样烂俗的话) for our government.

(这段的论述有个致命的缺陷:你只说了shopping center会增加税收,但没有说怎么增加,你应该添一句:Via selling miscellaneous kinds of goods to the residents around, the shopping center will, as no doubt, stimulate the consumption in our neighborhood and contribute to the local revenue which can be utilized to resolve some tough problems, say,….)

 Not only does(can) the future shopping center resolve the financial problems of my community, but also it makes our life more convenient than present. Right now I, constantly, (have to) drive 42 miles(最好把你需要用的时间也夸张的说出来,这样表明没有shopping center,生活很不方便) to the Sam’s Club and Walmart to buy staff(stuff) for daily eating and using(这里直接说to buy everyday necessities). Unquestionably, after the shopping center is done in a few shopping stores and over 100,000 populations area(这里的表意又不清楚了,应该改为in an area with a population over 100000 and no<这里最好用这个no> shopping centers), the varieties of business will rush into the center without hesitation(这个句子的表达,我觉得不是太好). Then we just need one stop and take less than 3 minuses to the center to purchase what we prefer buying(what we want to buy). Thus. by building a large shopping center, many of people include(including) me are able to enjoy the convenience of shopping.

(论述依然有问题:你必须说明,因为shopping center很近,而且物美价廉,这样节省了我们的时间和金钱,所以修个shopping center很好.)

 In conclusion, a large shopping center will delight us with resolving of financial problems and the convenience of life. Though we know that the area will be a little noisier than before, I think it is worthwhile after thinking of the promising(这个词用得太大了) future. I welcome the new shopping center and hope Walling Ford becomes better off.

(Lisa姐,你这篇文章写得不怎么好哟.很多表达都不是很到位,有可能会给人家造成理解上的困难的哟)