catchboy 的写作贴~！！求建议or修改~~咯咯，thanks

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-14 17:05:06

Outline

Tone: might be

赞成 Printed books 会消失:

一方面:

列举Electronic books优点: e-books more economical；convenient(portable,mass storage) ； environmental

另一方面：小让步（或许人们买不起），更客观（今后价钱不会是问题）

结尾：比较（printed books 代替帛，甲骨类比 E-book 代替 printed book)

TOPIC ：Do you agree or disagree with the foilowing statement? Twenty years from now, students will not use printed books any more.

With the expansion of technology, peopleare discussing whether our printed text books will be replaced by e-books aftertwenty years or not. In fact, it is really hard to say because many potentialfactors cannot be so clear right now. However, freely expressing our views is nota bad idea.

Many people hold the view that all printedbooks, not only student text books, might disappear after some years, which Iam more likely to follow with. It is widely accepted that e-books have dozensof advantages when compared with printed books: more portable, economical, moreconvenient, larger storage and so forth. At least, we have failed to find thatprinted books have some valuable and indispensable characters. Not only this,with more and more trees being made to books and papers, it is necessary tofind some replacements. If we continue using woods to make every books andpapers, our world might be destroyed as a result of mass information whichshould be contained in papers. Thus, itis time to find something that can make our growing information can becompatible with nature.

But, this is not the whole picture. Some ofus prefer printed books than e-books because of some economic problems. Theythink that Kindle and ipad is too expensive to some students and to some poor studentsmight never have a kindle or ipad. However, even though what would our society looks like after twentyyears which I think no one could answer, there is no one can deny that ourtechnological development will never stop. As a result, I am a big believer thatadvanced device would become cheaper and cheaper so that everyone can afford itbecause Hi-tech advancements will benefit mass finally. For example, severalyears ago, cell phone is looked as a luxury which only elect or businessman canpurchase it, while it is so popular that every pupils have one in chinanowadays. Thus, I think, twenty yearslater, price is not going to be a problem.

Personally, with the development of oursociety, the tool to contain information is also changing. Thousands years ago,our ancestors use animal skin to record information to pass to next generationsuntil we have invented how to printed in paper. Actually, in the same way,today’s e-book will play the exactly same role of printed books in hundredsyears ago.

字数 398

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-15 17:20:08

With the expansion of technology, peopleare discussing whether our printed text books will be replaced by e-books aftertwenty years or not. 【In fact, it is really hard to say because many potential factorscannot be so clear right now. However, freely expressing our views is not a badidea.】[catchboy1] Despite the question which cannot have a definite answer, we arehappy to imagine our world in the next twenty years.

此段一开始亮明观点，I am more likely to follow with
展开列举优点+ 凸显其中一个优点
Many people hold the view that all printedbooks, not only student text books, might disappear after some years, which Iam more likely to follow with. It is widely accepted that e-books have dozensof advantages when compared with printed books: more portable, economical, moreconvenient, larger storage and so forth. 【At least, we have failed tofind that printed books have some valuable and indispensable characters.[catchboy2] 】à Atleast, It is hard to find some aspects where printed books are better thanE-books from my point of view. Not only this, with more and more trees being made （out） to books[catchboy3] and papers, it is necessary to find some replacements. If wecontinue using woods to make ~~every~~ books and papers, our world might be destroyedas a result of mass information which should be containedàrecorded in papers. However, alongwith technology expansion, the quantity of information has no way to decrease.As a result, 【it is timeto find something that can make our growing information can be compatible withnature.】[catchboy4] à it is time to develop another way to reconcile the contradiction.[catchboy5]
毛病：过多使用 make

提出可能会有的反对，并反驳之 1、e-book 一个与多本printedbooks
2、科技进步 E-reader 价格下降
But, this is not the whole picture. Some ofus prefer printed books than e-books because of ~~some~~ economic problem. Theythink that Kindle and ipad is too expensive to some students ~~【and to somepoor students might never have a kindle or ipad.~~】[catchboy6] However, when we take into account that a device, like ipad, cancontain thousands of books which means as long as students have one Ipad, hedon’t need to purchase printed books any more. And, as we all know that E-booksare cheaper than printed books. In other words, having an E-reader might bemore economical than purchasing printed books continuously as a result of thelength of time. [catchboy7] Plus, even though 【what would our societylook like after twenty years which I think no one could answer,】à (the picture of our society after twenty years is unclear, ) there is no one can deny that our technological developing willnever stop. As a result, I am a big believer that advanced device would becomecheaper and cheaper so that everyone can afford it because Hi-tech advancementswill benefit mass in the end. For example, several years ago cell phone 【is looked as】à seemslike a luxury which only successful businessman can purchase it, while it is sopopular that almost every pupils have one in china nowadays. Thus, I think, twenty years later, price isnot going to be a factor preventing E-books’ popularity.

结尾段，陈述比较甲骨文—书本书本—电子书预言会替代。
Personally, with the development of our society[catchboy8] , the tool to contain information is also changing. Thousands years ago,our ancestors use animal skin to record information to pass to next generations [catchboy9] à and hand it down to next generations until we have ~~invented~~àfound how to printed inpaper. Actually, in the same way, today’s e-book will play the exactly samerole of printed books in hundreds years ago.
[catchboy 1]~~~~~~~~~~~窃以为，开头空话太多，没观点！！！特别是“it is really hard to say ```没必要说。

[catchboy 2]不合适！！！

[catchboy 3]Made out to 制作成；不知道这样的用法对不对

[catchboy 4]感觉是病句

[catchboy 5]用contradiction貌似比paradox 要好点

[catchboy 6]不合适删了

[catchboy 7]新加句，充实了一个论点

[catchboy 8]还有什么替代用法呢？老是用这个

[catchboy 9]Pass to 用的不好

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-15 18:09:28

首段先是反面抚今式的说说现状。个人认为说的太多了，不是自己的观点，没必要····

In ourday and age, printed materials are becoming a thing of the past. Newspapers andmagazines are largely available online; we can now download books and read themon our computers without ever having to go to bookstore or owning the physicalcopy of the book. Many newspapers with a long history have closed down simply becausethere is no one buying them. Information is available so cheaply and widelyonline that it is hard for traditional advertising to compete.

亮明观点段

Theprinted book market is feeling the pinch too – book sales are plummeting. Butit’s hard to believe that in twenty years students will no longer use printed books.Perhaps printed books will be rarer, but I don’t think books will ever becomeobsolete.

Feel the pinch 感到困难

这段对比好！！！

In thehistory of innovation, people have always claimed that new inventions would wipeout old ones: that television would kill film, that CDs would kill records,that e-mail would destroy the postal system. And yet, movies, records, andmailmen are still around. This is because new technology is often differentfrom the things they were supposed to replace and not a better form of theolder technology. Digital televisions are replacing old cathode ray tubetelevisions because they are thinner, lighter, and clearer than the old ones. Butfilm will never replace television because they are fundamentally differentmediums based on different technologies and processes.

A kills B A导致B消失

Wipe out 擦掉彻底消失

对比后的进一步说明自己结论，显得有点多余

Ifsomeone could invent a better form of book – one that was lighter or easier toread—then we should be worried that the old kind of books will disappear but e-booksare not the same as old books. Even though they can be carried around and readon a handheld device, they will never feel or look the same as an old-fashionedbook.

Handheld device : 手持设备

总结，觉得到最后一段才说明为什么不会（nostalgia）

Even ifbooks go out of style, there will always be a minority who buy and collectbooks, just as there are record collectors today. Don’t discount the pull ofnostalgia. No one knows what the next twenty years willbring, but something tells me that in twenty years, books will still bearound.

Go out of style : 过时

Discount：不重视

Nostalgia：怀旧之情

Minority : 少数人

No one knows what the next twenty year will bring ~ good

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-18 16:53:55

topic : DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE FOLLOWING STATEMENT : BECAUSE INDIVIDUALS AND COUNTRIES CANNOT HELP EVERYONE WHO NEEDS HELP IN THE WORLD, THEY SHOULD ONLY BE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR OWN INDIVIDUALS AND COUNTRIES。

outline:VIEW: disagree

People or country should care about othersas much as possible
1. Individuals might not be easyto help everyone. It doesn’t mean that they cannot help anyone. The advantagesof helping each other
2. 小让步（should care ourselves, sometimes sacrifice``） but helpours = help yourself

contents:

Do youcare about others who haven’t relation to you? Have you ever helped otherswithout considering profits? Or, when it comes to a choice between concerningyourself and helping others, what would you do? Nowadays, if we ask many people these questions, I believe many of themwould return a blank stare. Mutual help, actually, has been an old-fashionedword.

Somepeople advanced the view that individuals or countries cannot help everyone, asa result they have no need to concern anyone. I think it is rather problematic.Though it is true that we are not able to help everyone due to the incredible numberof people in our world, I don’t think we cannot help anyone around us. Thus, I think, if we have chance to helpsomebody, everyone should do their best helping others who have some trouble.Because our society needs mutual help so does our world. Helping others couldimprove and refine their relationship; also it can smooth war and conflict.Helping others brings a lot of interaction and connection to our society andworld, which is the most valuable and indispensable part in human society. So, ifeveryone is willing to use their rest strength to help others, happiness andenjoyment would come to us.

But, some cases show that it is really hardto decide whether or not help others when we are also feeling the pinch.Actually, I understand most of us would care about themselves in the end; afterall it is nature to every species in our world. On the other hand, I have to clarify that our instinct might not be truesometimes. Helping others, to some extent, is a kind of way of helpingourselves. For example, in China, the old always tell a story to theirchildren: one day, when a steam was drown out and weather was also very hot,two fishes were still staying on the riverbed and close to death. With the hopeof survival, they used water from their mouth to help the other stay wet. Inthe end, god was touched by the two little fishes, then a rainstorm was comingand two fishes were surviving. I thinkthis story clearly shows that mutual help is especially important in some dangerousand straiten circumstance.

Personally, I tend to think individualscannot help everyone which is only an excuse for someone who is so selfish thatthey don’t plan to help anyone. However, this view is very dangerous to oursociety and world. May be that’s why wars never stop.

words number:427

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-18 16:54:58

People or countries are very kind to thosewho are in difficulties or temporarily come across troubles. However, it seemsimpossible to help everyone in need in the world with the help of individualsor countries. When it comes to how people deal with others, some peoples havetheir own ideas.
第一段没什么具体内容，Introduction```
When it comes to howpeople deal with others, some people have their own ideas.

Someof them have come up with an idea that people are better to take good care ofthemselves and their countries alone. However, I disagree for there are some unreasonablepoints of it. This is because the life goals of millions of people are to be ahelpful person who is not only careful of themselves but also considerate toothers. Likewise, any country is not an isolated island any longer, so itrequires a good international environment. If other countries are in crisis,one necessary gives its best help. It will not only bring a trust between countries,but also mean that others can do a favor when they meet a problem. (we)
这一段主要是说help 的好处。我只是生硬的列举一点点的好处，例文比较详实。详细说了国家· likewise any country is not an isolatedisland any longer, so it requires a good international environment. If othercountries are in crisis ````
Come up with an idea ````
I disagree for there aresome unreasonable points of it.
Likewise
If other countries are incrisis, one necessarily gives its best help

Onthe other hand, when individuals or countries help others, they had better dowithin their limits. It is because an individual is very restricted in terms ofabilities and skills. Isn’t it a piece of bad news that a person withoutswimming skills tries to jump into water to save a life of a drowned person? Ina similar way, isn’t it ridiculous that a country itself in poverty takes outmoney to support the construction of other poorer countries?
本段具体自己的观点，更客观。我是写的是一边倒，要帮助他人（帮别人就是帮自己）他说有时不能帮，反问句犀利。
固定模式 topic sentence + main reason + example(details)
Topic: when individuals or countries help others, they had better do within theirlimits
Mainreason: it is because restricted interms of abilities and skills
Example:　Two rhetorical questions
In term of ``````
It is something veryrestricted in terms of ````
Do within their limits

Inconclusion, I tend to think that individuals or countries are expected to helpout other peers, and at the same time they have to do those in their power. Asa result, the gap between poor countries and rich countries will shrink, whichcontributes greatly to world peace and sustainable development.
最后一段好，阐述观点+联系实际
观点一句话总结： individuals or countries are expectedto help out other peers, and at the same time that they have to do those intheir power.
联系实际： the gap``````
Are expected to ```
In their power
The gap between poorcountries and rich countries will shrink
Contribute greatly to
Sustainable development

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-18 17:56:36

Do youcare about others who haven’t relation to you? Have you ever helped otherswithout considering profits? Or, when it comes to a choice between concerningyourself alone and helping others, what would you do? Nowadays, if we ask many people thesequestions, I believe many of them would return a blank stare. Mutual help[1] , actually, has been an old-fashioned word.

Somepeople advanced the view that individuals or countries cannot help everyone asa result they have no need to concern anyone else. I think it is ratherproblematic. Though it is true that we are not able to help everyone due to theincredible number of people in our world, I don’t think we cannot help anyone around us.[2] à【Mutual helpis indispensable in our society and world】 ~~Thus, I think, if wehave chance to help somebody, everyone should do their best helping others whohave some trouble. Because our society needs mutual help so does our world~~[3] . 【I believe it because】Helping others could improve and refine ~~their~~ relationships[4] ; Also it can smooth the war and conflict. Helping others brings alot of interaction and connection to our society and world, which is the mostvaluable and indispensable part in human society. After all, any countries arenot an isolated island any longer. May be my surplus is exactly what you are badly in need of. [5] So, if everyone is willing to use their ~~rest~~à surpass[6] strength to helpothers, happiness and enjoyment would come to us.

But, some cases show that it is really hardto decide whether or not help others when we are also feelingthe pinch. Actually, I understand most of us would care about themselvesin the end; after all it is nature to every species in our world. On the other hand, I have to clarify that ourinstinct might not be ~~true~~àright sometimes. Helpingothers, to some extent, is a kind of another wayof helping ourselves. For example, in China, ~~the old always tell a story to theirchildren~~à【a very popular story which is always told to children is that】[7] : One day, when a steam was ~~drown out~~àdried out and weatherwas also very hot, two fishes were still staying on the riverbed ~~and~~ closed to death.[8] With the hope of survival, they used water from their mouth to helpthe other stay wet. In the end, god was touched by the two little fishes, thena rainstorm was coming and two fishes were surviving. I think this story clearly shows that mutualhelp is especially important in some dangerous and straiten circumstance.[9]

Personally, I tend to think individualscannot help everyone which is only an excuse for someone who is so selfish thatthey don’t plan to help anyone. However, this view is very dangerous to oursociety and world. May be that’s why wars never stop.
[1]“Mutual help “ is it right?

[2]太罗嗦了，这句就应该是主题句

[3]废话!

[4]???? 是不是有问题呀？

[5]Be badly in need of

[6]表剩余：remainder

Surpass

[7]这样会不会好点

[8]不确定是否这样改正确

[9]Should remember

Straiten circumstance 困难的环境，

Tough / difficult/hard+

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-19 20:28:16

今天又写了一篇``````

Topic: Do you AGREE OR DISAGREE with the following statement? In order to be well-informed, one should try to know all the information from different news sources. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Tune: Disagree
Outline:
Introduction
1 some information is no need for us to be well-informed. Example
2 we cannot know all the information & something even got worse
Conclusion:
Personally, I tend to think that in order to be well-informed; we should try to select the valuable information as much as possible because our world includes a large amount of useless and junk information. Thus, how to select and use information from endless resource pool is the key point rather than trying to know all of them.
CONTENTS:

With the information explosion, people are increasingly intending to accept as much information as possible to become well-informed. But is collecting all information we could touch the only way to be well-informed? Actually, I don’t think it is an appropriate way.

Some of us oppose my view because of an important character of someone who is well-informed, that is their wide range of knowledge. Though the well-informed indeed know a lot of information about, I don’t believe that they have accepted all the information from different resources. For example, my laptop’s storage is almost 350 GB which means I can store almost thousands videos and millions books in it. If there is anyone out there who are interested in browsing all of my files and documents, I believe it will cost him/her many years much less opening them and knowing details. Moreover, I cannot imagine how much information in our world; and how could individuals finish all of these? Thus, a well-informed individual is impossible knowing all kinds of knowledge and information even if he/she is focus on one certain area.

Plus, it doesn’t need to either know all the information in our world or know some less valuable information. It is widely accepted that our society contains too much useless and junk information and it is not helpful to be well-informed by knowing this kind of information. Some information would not help us but disturb us. People only could handle limited information for helping his/her decision and as long as the information is out-reached, the surplus would confuse his/her. It has been confirmed through researching and investigating by some authorities several times. For example, when we bump into a hard choice having little supporting information, it is easy for choosing because the number of advantages and disadvantages are scare and clear. In the other words, when we come across to the choice which contains so much information that we couldn’t digest, we are going to be confused and not able to figure out which choice would be better. Thus, to some extent, collecting all information might lead us to confused rather than well-informed.

Personally, I tend to think that in order to be well-informed; we should try to select the valuable information as much as possible because our world includes a large amount of useless and junk information. Thus, how to select and use information from endless resource pool is the key point rather than trying to know all of them.

words: 412

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-20 22:02:36

哇咔咔~~今天有点晚了````贴上上一篇作文的自批！！！！

With the information explosion, people areincreasingly intending to accept as much information as possible to becomewell-informed. But iscollecting all information we could touch the only way to be well-informed? [1] Actually, I don’t think it is an appropriate way à I think it is rather problematic.

But some of us do not agree on my view because of an important character of ~~someone~~ the well-informed, which istheir wide range of knowledge. Though the well-informed indeed know a lot ofinformation and wide-range of knowledge, I don’t believe that they haveaccepted all the information from different resources. For example, my laptop’sstorage is almost 350 GB which means I can store almost thousands videos andmillions books in it. If there is anyone out there who are interested inbrowsing all of my files and documents, I believe it will cost him/her manyyears much less opening them and knowing details. Moreover, ~~I cannot imagine how muchinformation in our world~~à it is just a personal computer; ~~and how couldindividuals finish all of these~~à and our quickly developing world has no sign of stopping oreven slowing down. How could an individual finish all of the informationand knowledge? Thus, a well-informedindividual is impossible to know all kinds of knowledge and information even ifhe/she just focus on one certain area.
Development 不够！～因果关系连接不够

Plus, ~~it doesn’t need to either know all the informationin our world or know some less valuable~~ ~~information~~à Not only do not need to know everything inour world, getting to know some less valuable messages is also wasting time. （关键是how to) ~~It is widely acceptedthat our society contains too much useless and junk information and it is nothelpful to be well-informed by knowing this kind of information.~~ [2] àBelieve it or not, when you are using Googlesearching things, only a few results or links are valuable for you while over90 percent information is useless. In other words, this redundant informationobviously is not helping you but disturbing and confusing you(补充论证段). People only couldhandle limited information to help themselves make decisions. ~~forhelping his/her decision~~[3] and as long as the information is out-reached[4] , the surplus would confuse his/her. It has been confirmed throughresearching and investigating by some authorities several times. For example, whenwe bump into a hard choice having little supported information, it is easy forchoosing because the number of advantages and disadvantages are scare and clear. In the other words,[5] when we come across to the choice containingso much information that we are not able to digest,we are going to be confused à puzzled and ~~not able to~~àdifficultto figure out which choice would be better. Thus, to some extent, ~~collecting all~~ knowing redundant information might make us go astray.

Personally, I tend to think that in orderto be well-informed; we should try to select the valuable information as muchas possible because ~~our world includes a~~à of largeamount of useless and junk information. Thus à In a word, understanding/grasping/graspinghow to select and use information from endless resource pool is essential to bewell-informed rather than trying to know all of them.

[1]病句: Is it theonly way to be well-informed by collecting all information we could get.
[2]完全没有论证呀～！！！
[3]别那么排斥用to 不定式
[4]Far beyond reached
[5]Conversely

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-20 22:10:12

顶一下～～大家给我几砖头嘛～～～～

catchboy · 发表于 2012-7-21 17:06:14

today's task
TOPIC Itis better to parents to let children manage their pocket money when they areyoung.
Do children need money? I think most of us will answer” yes.” But, Should we let children manage their pocket money? I believe many people hold different views.

Some of us believe that children should master their own money so that they would not addict into it when they are grown-up. Actually, I am the one of them. It is obvious that if you cannot get something when you were young, you are going to pay 100 percent attention to it when you are grown-up. The reason why led it is people’s curiosity. As we all know, there are many money-oriented people around us. They are crazy about money and doing whatever things to chase money. Actually, many of them have few chances to touch money when they were a child because of their home-education. So, the best way to prevent teenagers stealing money is that let children manage their own pocket money.

On the other hand, developing their independent awareness is another intention. If children can be allowed to decide whether a product should be bought or not, they are more easily to develop their awareness of deciding things by their own instead of asking for their parents or teachers. And, this character is very important to individuals especially when we are going to attend college. For instance, in China, children have no chance to manage their money and their parents give them pocket money randomly or depending on their moods. In contrast, in western society, many parents let their children manage pocket money and don’t even ask. As a result, western boys are good at controlling their possessions and know use it to experience a meaningful and enjoyable life. Conversely, Chinese boys are poor at controlling money and have no idea about the real function of money. So, they only make money for money’s sake rather than using money.

But, though it is reasonable to give a little more freedom to children in using money, I know many people cannot agree with me. They argue that some cases show that many children are not able to control money, and be controlled by money in the end. For example, many children use their pocket money to buy fictions and computer games even give their money to strangers. However, though all of these situations indeed exist, knowing how to use money and manage money needs some time. So, I think we should be patient rather than judging kids. Also, parents should control their pocket money and let children know that money is limited and clarify the money could be used in the right place at right time or just be wasted. In fact, to let our children be more independent and make them develop managing skill should undertake some risk, and we should maintain confidence to next generations.

Personally, I tend to think that, to developing children’s independent awareness and rightly use money, we should let children manage their pocket money as early as possible. But, how to direct children using money and how much to give are needed to be discussed.

catchboy 的写作贴~！！求建议or修改~~咯咯，thanks

修改上一篇~~~~~~ 欢迎大家拍拍哈`````

Sample Answer 总结（例文来自《30核心话题》）感觉这篇例文结构不是很适合我···

前几天又是耽搁，补上

对应例文分析

修改上一篇习作

修改上一篇~~~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

catchboy 的写作贴~！！求建议or修改~~咯咯，thanks

修改上一篇~~~~~~ 欢迎大家拍拍哈`````

Sample Answer 总结 （例文来自《30核心话题》） 感觉这篇例文结构不是很适合我···

前几天又是耽搁，补上

对应例文分析

修改上一篇习作

修改上一篇~~~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

Sample Answer 总结（例文来自《30核心话题》）感觉这篇例文结构不是很适合我···