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德克的猪以及其他大虾,出来改作文了。

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楼主
发表于 2007-6-24 00:08:00 | 只看该作者

德克的猪以及其他大虾,出来改作文了。

欢迎猪大虾及其他大虾斧正!谢过大家!

(注:没用模板)

"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."

Competition has been existing for centuries since the trade emerged. To the sellers, the word competitor which means a sharing of profits is not a welcomed concept between them. However, to the whole society, competition brings development to both technology and market. Desert someone's personal abhorrence to it, competition is a beneficial phenomenon which is helpful to the balance of social economic.

 

Firstly, competition always gives positive effects to the development of scientific technologies. For example, two companies which manufacture the same kind of products are definitely competitors to each other. When one of them wants to get more profits from the market, an effective way is to improve the technology of producing. In this way, more products will be created with higher technology in a limited period, and the manufacturer can decrease the price of each commodity to gain more market spaces which help them chase more profits. Finally, manufacturers are forced to improve their methods of producing continually. As an important cause to this improvement, competition is the real one which promoted the development of scientific technology. 

 Secondly, competition is a crucial factor to social stability and peace. Comparing with monopoly, competition offers fair opportunities to each merchant to share the market. Considering this sharing with political ideas, we easily find it is a favorable factor which is maintaining stability and peace of our society. To broaden our eyesight to the whole world, we can see that monopoly gets the wealth owned by quiet a few people which causes the contentment of a great deal of people who live in poverty. This condition is a potential factor which may arouse criminal activities like stealing, robbery and even other terrorisms because of people’s dissatisfaction to the wealthy. From this angle, it can be concluded that competition gets more people to share the profits is beneficial to the peace and justice of the social economy.

To summarize the ideas above, competition is rather beneficial than detrimental to our society. If only people compete in a rational way, improvement will be achieved on the scientific technologies. Although one merchant doesn’t like his competitor, competition is the requisite to assure their long-term developments.
     

   

   


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-24 10:11:49编辑过]
沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-24 10:13:00 | 只看该作者
快考试了,谢谢大家帮忙看一下。谢谢了。
板凳
发表于 2007-6-24 11:43:00 | 只看该作者

下午帮你改

地板
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-24 12:14:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢啦。感谢猪大侠

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-24 19:15:00 | 只看该作者

德克的猪,你到哪里去了,你说下午帮我改的阿,现在都是傍晚了

6#
发表于 2007-6-24 19:16:00 | 只看该作者

今天太激动了

下午跑去买陶喆上海演唱会的票了````

现在就改

7#
发表于 2007-6-24 19:43:00 | 只看该作者

Competition has been existing(直接existed就可以了) for centuries since the trade emerged. To the sellers(最好这里用宽泛一点的,businesspeople), the word competitor which means a sharing(这里用的不好,share是分享的意思,太友好了,应该说:a distributary of profits) of profits is not a welcomed concept(我这里还是建议使用one来对应the word) between them(我觉得你这句话太局部了,和后面的联系不是很好). However, to the whole society, competition brings development to both technology and market. Desert(这里不能写desert,应该是deserting,不过,我觉得这里用setting aside更好) someone's personal abhorrence to it, competition is a beneficial phenomenon which is helpful to the balance of social economic.

 

Firstly, competition always gives positive effects to the development of scientific technologies. For example(我希望你把我以前的修改看一看,我是不建议用for example,这里可以说let us say), two companies which manufacture the same kind of products(kind要前后对应,这里应该是:the same kind of product) are definitely competitors(避免重复,这里可以用rival) to each other. When one of them wants to get more profits from the market, an effective way is (required) to improve the technology of producing. In this way(Via this method,避免用词的重复), more products (with better qualities) will be created with higher technology(这个在这里重复了) in a (comparatively) limited period, and the manufacturer can decrease the price of each commodity to gain more market spaces which help them chase more profits. Finally, manufacturers are forced to improve their methods of producing continually. As an important cause to this improvement, competition is the real one which promoted(can promote) the development of scientific technology. (你的重复太多了,而且论述太空洞了)

改了一部分,你的写作太简单了

我希望你在发上来之前可以自己先修改升级

然后多看看我的修改和iBT区上的修改

再发上来改

8#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-24 19:50:00 | 只看该作者

好,本来想麻烦猪猪改完的,既然你提出了这么严厉的批评,我还是自己再琢磨琢磨吧。谢谢了


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-24 19:52:56编辑过]
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