[求助]高手帮我看看我的小作文和大作文

小作文是关于计算机是否会思考，大作文是问是否赞同像对待家庭成员那样对待宠物。内容是我在barron模考软件里打好然后拷贝出来的，还没有改里面的一些拼写和语法错误，放word里看了下，错误似乎很少。希望有高手帮我看看我作文里的语法，用词及结构，内容先假设是符合考试要求的吧。顺便帮我评估下大小作文合起来大概能打多少分，谢谢了。

PS ：连续写了好几篇大作文，似乎总脱离不了那种总——分的框架

大作文 

  ( In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that) I think pets should not be treated like family members. To tell the truth, pets are really not only very cute and docile, but also it seems that it can understand the emotion of the family members. However, I think the disadvantages of treating them as family member are more than their advantages.　

建议考虑一下这句的用法"to tell the truth。。。"，你明明是不赞同的，却在这里先说了pets的好处，再来"however。。。"，可能会有观点不明确的嫌疑。

    In the first place, the pets （is）are  prune to be affected by the bacteria or the parasites, which often results in that the family member who contacts with it very closely is ill. Although its owner looks after it very carefully and comfortably, its characters determine this result. For instance, once I met some acquaintances in the community clinic and talked with them, I found that all of them were ill due to they played with their pets too intimately. What's more, the relevant reports are often raised in the newspaper.

这里先不说写法，这个for instance有点牵强，“所有跟宠物玩的熟人都ill了”，这个似乎比较绝对了些也有悖常理。鬼子也养宠物的，这样说并不make sense，可能也不讨好。建议再考虑一下你的这个例子。

    The other disadvantage is that sometimes it will injure people and take a lot of troubles. It often become very domestic, however, it is impossible to predict when it could be enraged to bite people. After all, the owner can not communite with it really, and he/she can only train it to be smart apparently. Furthermore, no one knows whether it has the ability to control its behavior or not. When I was twelve, I bred a cat as a pet. When I was processing the fish in the kitchen, it suddenly rushed and bitted me on my finger. As a result, my finger was blooded which costs me several hundred Yuan to heal. After that I was very carefully to play with it to avoid being hurt again.

不要从头到尾都一直用"it"来代表宠物，会有指代不明确的可能。“furthermore...”这句与这段的中心不相关，irrelevant,在写的时候要注意你的organisation和how to develop a topic。

    There are still other disadvantages, such as contaminating the indoor environment due to disposing its rubbish arbitrarily, biting the furniture, clothes, or other things. Therefore, I strongly insist on my opinion.

这个结尾有点行货了，最后那句“therefore。。。”感觉有点生硬和死板。

整体感觉，基本的结构是不错的，也有运用事例来证明自己的观点，错别字比较少。但是词汇和句式运用比较简单，在language use 方面功力仍需提高，中间两段基本观点是写出来了，但是develop得不够，觉得都是蜻蜓点水一下就带过了，可以把你的事例铺得深一些，写得生动一些。

另外，开头结尾尽量不要太平铺直叙了，尤其是开头。

小作文