发我的两篇Ibt弱文，希望大家提点看法...

51. Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As far as I'm concerned, a series of factors are necessary for the last success, or we can say, different factors will lead to successes in different levels. Considering my experiences and personal sensations, I will try to demonstrate my viewpoint of this issue with specific supporting information in the following paragraphs.

Some basic aspects of a successful life, like hard working or careful planning are also key factors of success. We can cite total synthesis, one of the main research areas of organic chemistry, as a common example to illustrate the importance of these factors. As you know, although the research of total synthesis is filled with accidents, you can't imagine that scientists could synthesize a complex compound without any careful planed strategy. Some famous scientists, such as R. B. Woodward and E. J. Corey who made a series of breakthrough and won many glories in this area, always used a lot of time to design their strategies. And E. J. Corey is famous for his theory about how to design a synthesis way, which helped him to gain 1990 Nobel Prize. But it should also be pointed out that, any plan or design is based on the knowledge which has been discovered by former researchers, so some brilliant works don't thoroughly rely on planning.

On the other hand, it's impossible to succeed just because of some risks or chances without any concrete preparation before, but based on hard working and careful planning, many top level successes were caused by a few accidents. A typical example is the find of X-ray. The scientist was not eager to find such a kind of radiation at first and merely wanted to try a variety of lights in his experiment. But at last he found this phenomenon which he hadn't imagined before. In fact, for most researches in different areas, accidents or chances play an important role. Many scientists can't plan the final results before abundant experiments. Sometimes their efforts don't have any payback, while sometimes they harvest many satisfactory fruits.

Word Count: 339

As far as I'm concerned, a series of（用A VARIATY OF 比较好，因为两个词语的侧重点不一样） factors are necessary（换个词语，因为从后面句子看，你是想说“不同因素导致不同程度的成功） for the last（个人理解你想说“最后的”，IF SO， 用FINAL） success, or we can say, different factors will lead to successes in different levels. Considering my experiences and personal sensations（有点罗嗦笨拙）, I will try to demonstrate my viewpoint of this issue with specific supporting information in the following paragraphs.（有点罗嗦）。

开头需要多下点功夫，因为是脸面。时间不够就找摸班吧，比较现实。这个开头的毛病是1。DICTION用词不够准确，因为不同的词用的地方CONTEXT不同，或者侧重点CONNOTATION不同。虽然在字典上是THESAURUS ，但是同义词语之间是不一样的。2。有点罗嗦，所以READER读起来感觉不顺畅。

谢谢。我也觉得开头臃肿，但是用模板就是这样。

现在我正在考虑把开头拆碎塞到各段里去。

首先建议作文篇幅最好在400字以上。字数虽然在e-rater绝对不占主要权重，但肯定是算分的因素之一。我看LZ的开头模板可以再个性些。在下不才，试着根据LZ的行文改写了一下：

Intensive competition today fades the time of individual hero, stimulating people to company with each other. Therefore, the notion of teamwork emerges and keeps impinging upon people’s mind. Such unprecedented innovation results in heated argument regarding the role of a person in a group: “a leader or a fellow?” The answer to this question is rather controversial and should depend on the case-by-case analysis. In the following, I would like to present my point of view based on my personal experience and sensation.

至于论述部分，建议还是分分点，分分段，这样不仅评卷人很受用而且e-rater也会很受用的。

谢谢。

弱问，e-rator是什么东西？