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[求助]给外国教授的第一封email,大家帮忙看看,谢谢。

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楼主
发表于 2006-5-1 22:02:00 | 只看该作者

[求助]给外国教授的第一封email,大家帮忙看看,谢谢。

昨天老板说我该给美国某教授写信了,然后我就写了一封,觉得这第一封信听重要的,就发上来,请大牛们帮看看有没有什么不妥的地方,直言不讳哈。

PS: 这位教授是我现在导师的同学,十年前还是同事,现在仍然不断有往来,前几天还来中国了,可惜我没见到。

email如下:

Dear professor XXX,

  Firstly, let me introduce myself to you. My name is YYY, a postgraduate (or Master candidate?) of professor ZZZ of NNN university, Hunan, China, and this year is the second year since I joined this school.

  Here I write you this email for two purposes. The first is that I heard that you were at changsha a few days ago from professor Wu when we ate lunch together yesterday. I was so repent that I did not meet you since for about a year I am appreciating an opportunity to meet with you, but now I have to wait for the next time. The second item is that I’d like to apply for a doctoral position or a postdoctoral position in your group. My major is XXX, and my current project is the XXX. The projects I participate in are as follows:

1、XXX
2、XXX
3、XXX
  
I have had the TOFEL and will have the GRE six months later. I don’t attach my CV in this email since my publications have not come out yet. But I am more than willing to answer any of your questions concerning my application and research.

Professor Wu told me that it will be very hard if I join your group. I gave professor Wu the same answer as I did two years ago when he asked me if I can endure the hard work of being a postgraduate: I am not afraid of painstaking since I come from a poor village, the only thing I dread (of?) that I don’t deserve all the investment of my toilful parents.

Thank you for your patience and I am looking forward to meeting you.

Sincerely yours,

YYY
沙发
发表于 2006-5-2 02:06:00 | 只看该作者

readable ONLY.


First, delete some unrelated things, such as lunch.

板凳
发表于 2006-5-6 08:37:00 | 只看该作者

1, over formal.makes the professor uncomfortable.such as"firstly", "I write you this email for two purposes. The first "...


2, some sentences are too long. such as:


I gave professor Wu the same answer as I did two years ago when he asked me if I can endure the hard work of being a postgraduate: I am not afraid of painstaking since I come from a poor village, the only thing I dread (of?) that I don’t deserve all the investment of my toilful parents.


Use PLAIN ENGLISH.

地板
发表于 2006-5-9 23:51:00 | 只看该作者
Wording your verbs more appropriately!
5#
发表于 2006-5-9 23:52:00 | 只看该作者
真诚一点,不要那么生硬。。。。
6#
发表于 2006-8-21 04:57:00 | 只看该作者

个人建议,不用过于和教授套近乎,一是美国的教授都很有原则性和职业道德,原则上是一视同仁的;二是套得太多反而会让对方失去对你的好印象只留下坏印象.信中一些特殊的关系很微妙的关系,一笔带过即可,应该不是你着墨的重点.譬如说和教授的同学LUNCH啊,这些我觉得是完全没有必要的.着墨太多写这个,会让教授觉得你太善于利用关系,会和"钻营"二字联想起来,这个印象是负面的.美国的文化背景和中国的太太太不一样了,大体上,美国人做事情都是非常有原则的.

教授同学是你的导师,这层关系当然要让教授知道,但是应该有技巧.我觉得不是由你来介绍,最好是由你的导师来介绍,这样不至于太唐突.你的信,还是多偏重你的学术或者研究背景为好.要知道美国的教授每年也是不那么容易拿funding的,他用这笔钱招人,是想招给他干活的人,他更注重的是你的能力和实力.

另外,我也同意楼上几位的说法,觉得信的内容太过于生硬,连我看了也觉得有那么一点点不合时宜的感觉(真话啊,见谅);建议在修辞和句法上多下一点功夫,最好是找人改一下。

祝楼主申请顺利!!

7#
发表于 2006-9-23 18:09:00 | 只看该作者

LZ是研究生吗?不至于英语水平这样啊,还是练好英语再写吧,以免给人留下不好的印象。

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