001 求修改意见 拜谢

001 People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Do I want more job opportunities? Do I want to earn a higher income? Do I want to reach a greater potential for myself? And do I want to be a skilled professional? After high school, I reflected upon myself and asked these questions to myself, and then I made a decision attending a college. There are many reasons why one should continue his education after high school, and a college gives choices. And for me, education beyond high school will put me in a better position to help my family, my community and give me kind of life I dream of having. The more education one pursues, the better career options one will have. A college education also gives people a good start in life by increasing one’s knowledge and skills.

First of all, without a doubt, people who with a college education background is obviously superior in peers in job hunting, especially in today’s fierce competition with so much unemployment. For instance, my friend William, who has nearly ten years work experience in computer science, but without a college education background, lost his job in 2002, the depression of computer economics, being forced to move form Los Angels to San Diego, and even in San Diego, he spent a two years period of unemployment. “I have always been pushed away. They only pick up the most outstanding ones with degrees.” He said. And also, my another friend , who works in HR department of LA branch of Yahoo company, told me usually they only give the interviews with most people who have college or university education background and very few who have not, but it is impossible who without college or university education background to get an offer.

And secondly, even under the employment in a company, people who with college or university education background certainly have more promotion opportunities than those who without. Surely a good education background is dominancy in one’s career path. 

It is clear that who with a college or university education background have more precious professional knowledge and skills than those who without. In other words, people who without good education background will inevitably encounter the “bottleneck” in the career path.

To sum up,
    due to statements mentioned above, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, I can comfortable to say that it is definitely valuable for people to attend college or university, because a good education background will be a whole life wealth, which helps a lot in one’s career path.

And secondly, even under the employment in a company, people who with college or university education background certainly have more promotion opportunities than those who without. Surely a good education background is dominancy in one’s career path. 

这个是第二个理由吧？似乎有点点弱了。

这个是第二个理由吧？似乎有点点弱了。

Thanks a lot for suggestion.

Could you please tell me how should I modify this second reason? Thank you very much.

第二个理由单薄了，要再找个例子看看。

MM你可以这样，不看自己写的，再写一遍。

然后两片对比一下。

每片文章，写完都要花时间修改，检查。这样进步会比较快。