AI130-第一次写AI，请帮忙指教，谢谢

The issue of whether judging the qualification of potential employees relying  primarily on either objective information or interview is a complex and controversial one. Different people hold different views due to their respective angles. In my opinion, however, I agree that personal interviews are more effective than the person's resume and education. My view will be greatly confirmed by the following discussion.

The first argument that can be presented to develop my position is that interview is an important method to evaluate the potential employees by business employers. As I know, during the hire process, almost all the companies will firstly collect the potential employee's information through resume and then decide whether they should give him or her the chance to be interviewed. Surely, the business employers could communicate with this potential employee and judge both the ability for this position and his or her personality. A good example may be found in the case that when I offered for a position in a famous consulting firm several years ago, I was not the person who had very strong education background. When I got the chance to be interviewed, I met a man, who was the next one for interview after me and had outstanding education background. At last, he called me and told me that he had received the sorry letter from the company while I have been work in this company until now. Under this circumstance, it is obvious that relying primarily on objective information, such as a candidate's resume and education is not an effective way to judge the qulifications of potential employees.

In addition, there is another reason for me to consider this statement to be wrong. The reason is not far to seek: interview is an effectively interactive communication process. Depending on different requirements to potential employees from business employers, the employers must consider whether the person is suitable for this position and what are his or her merit. Hence, another equally important aspect is that interview is a very useful way for the employers to communicate with potential employees.

Admittedly, it may be true that objective information, such as a candidate's resume and education are helpful for business employers to seek potential employees in some conditions. However, this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to the employers for choose the right employees. When the advantage and disadvantage of X and Y are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.

Consequently, due to the above-mentioned reasons, which sometimes intertwine to FORM an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that personal interviews are a valid basis on which to judge a person's qualifications for a job, because interview is not only an important method to evaluate the potential employees by business employers, but also an effectively interactive communication process.

MM...总体来说，这篇文章不错~字数很好

但由于你过于依赖模版，两头大，中间部分显得比较空洞，语言也比较babytalk...第一个例子太长，略显罗嗦...导致第二个例子没写完。

一般来说中间段落需要3-4段。

现在mm所需要的是：

1、看提纲讨论，或者自己思考提纲，做到看到题目有观点，有攻击点。

2、看范文，mm这篇里面有些明显是模版的句子很长很复杂，很漂亮，但也依然存在一些很短，很初级的句子。这样容易给e-rater看出来模版。所以，看一些范文，学习用词和句型...秘诀就是多用从句，从句套从句~~嘻嘻

3、做模版，本文模版流传太广，至少我很熟悉。请改造！改造方法参见本区精华文章“我的模版改造大法”（使用搜索功能）

恩~暂时想到这么多！！加油！！

p.s. CD上在四大工作的人可真是多啊！！！

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=26&ID=120005&replyID=&skin=0

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=26&ID=119914&replyID=&skin=0

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=26&ID=74898&replyID=&skin=0

他山之石，可以攻玉！

太感谢mm了，这么细心的为我改文章！！

尽管每天用英文出很多报告，但是和GMAT的写作还差的很远...

一个字，太感谢了！

P.S.: 我已经离开那个被称作“女人当男人使，男人当牲口使”的地方了，呵呵

小鱼mm，按照你的宝贵意见改了一下这篇文章，我把改动较大的部分highlight了，如果有空 ，再帮我瞅一眼。谢谢啦

请你吃小虾...

There is much controvercy over this issue that whether judging the qualification of potential employees relying  primarily on either objective information or subjective judgement. In my opinion, however, I agree that an interview is more important and effective than a person's resume and education. My view will be greatly confirmed by the following discussion.

1、OF 后面的修饰成分最好不要太复杂，这里还是改成同位语丛句THAT吧

2、既然前面说了objective，后面就用subjective和他平行对应吧，比用interview好噢

3、还是平行的问题，前面是interviews，复数；后面是person's resume and education，单数，感觉不好。都改成单数或者都改成复数比较恰当。

p.s.多说一句~这个开头好像很多人用~特别是different people...那句~看上去太俗了~~嘻嘻~~改造一下模版吧（mm不说我没注意到，一说我再一看，下一跳，几乎人人都用这个，汗～～）

The first reason that can be presented to develop my position is that an interview is an important method to evaluate the potential employees by business employers. As many cases may illustrates, during the hire process, almost all the companies will firstly collect the potential employee's information through resume and then decide whether they should give him or her a chance to be interviewed. Experience tells us that the interviewer could judge both their ability for this position and their personalities by communicating with this applicant. Take myself for an example, when I offered for a position in a famous consulting firm several years ago, I did not have very strong education background comparing with other applicants, but finally I got the offer after interview whereas some others lost the chance. Personal experience leads me to conclude that relying primarily on objective information, such as a candidate's resume and education is less important than subjective judgement to judge the qualifications of potential employees.

1、单数可数名词不能单独存在，interview要么前面加the/an要么把后面改成复数。

2、business employers这个短语用得过于频繁~可以考虑换着用~比如managers, interviewer, etc.

3、I met a man...这句有点傻...嘻嘻~改的正式和书面一点吧

4、我不确定是否可以叫sorry letter...好像都叫refusal吧~gmat的用词要求比较formal...

5、highlight处的结论推理不严谨，通过你的例子，只能得到，在现实生活中，公司录取人员时比较偏好注重interview的表现而非objective information...并不能推出，注重objective information是没有效率的（没人用，不代表这东西不好）~~~这样给对手留下argue的空间，不好。

In addition, there is another argument for me to consider this statement to be wrong. The reason is not far to seek:  The interview is an essential part of a successful firing program because with it, job applicants who have personalities that are unsuited to the requirements of the job will be eliminated from consideration.  For instance, former GE CEO, Jack Welch considered potential employee through three key factors, which are honesty, wisdom and mature. As we know, these factors could only be judged by interview process. Moreover, he also stated that the education background of the applicant only present part of the person’s wisdom. Hence, another equally important aspect is that interview is an effective way for the interviewers to judge potential employees.

1、同理，interview不能单独存在

2、mermit前面用单数is，而且应该用陈述句式，what his or her mermit is.

Admittedly, it may be true that objective information, such as a candidate's resume and education are helpful for business employers to seek potential employees in some conditions. However, this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to the employers for choose the right employees. When the advantage and disadvantage of objective information and subjective judgement are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.

考试的时候不能敲模版敲成这样哦~嘻嘻，下面的FORM也是

Consequently, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that personal interviews are a valid basis on which to judge a person's qualifications for a job, because interview is not only an important method to evaluate the potential employees by business employers, but also an effectively interactive communication process.

其他的没什么问题！！！都不错！！

加油哦~a za...