AA014，辛苦版主了

14. The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial.

“Two years ago laceName w:st="on">NovalaceName> laceType w:st="on">High SchoollaceType> began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”

Citing the fact that the school dropout rate declined immediately after laceName w:st="on">NovalaceName> laceType w:st="on">High SchoollaceType> began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects, the author argues that the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers. This fact, coupled with another fact that graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college after laceName w:st="on">NovalaceName> High School began to use interactive computer instruction, leads to the author’s plausible recommendation that all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum. At first sight, the author’s line of reasoning seems to be somewhat convincing; after further examination, however, I find it logically problematic because it suffers from three critical flaws.

In the first place, the argument fails to establish a causal connection between using interactive computer instruction and decrease school dropout rate and graduates’ impressive achievements in college. The mere fact that using interactive computer instruction coincided with decrease school dropout rate and graduates’ impressive achievements in college is insufficient to support the conclusion that using interactive computer instruction caused the school dropout rate to decline and graduates to perform well in colleges. Without compelling evidence to support the causal connection between these two events, the author’s argument is not worthy of consideration.

1、highlight的地方感觉用对称的平行比较好~改成the use/usage of和后面的名词性短语平行；decrease如果在这里做n的话，要用decrease in ...

2、decrease这里是动词？？名词？？decreasing?? the decrease in??

3、可以在哪里加一句：it is fallacious reasoning to assert that the use of interactive computer instruction will definitely lead to a result of ..., only because the former event happened to exist before the latter. 类似的...添花而已~前两段写的已经不错了~感觉第二段稍稍有些乱。

In the second place, it is highly doubtful that the fact drawn from Nova High School is applicable to other schools in the district. Differences between schools might outweigh the similarities, thus making the analogy highly less than valid. For example, it is entirely possible that Nova High School has enough funds to buy computers for all academic subjects; other schools, however, is not as rich as Nova High School. Problems like this might present insurmountable obstacles that lead the poorer schools not to adopt interactive computer instruction. The conclusion can not be true unless the author circumscribes it to more similar schools.

1、highlight处不是很妥...一是awa很忌讳这种as rich as 的大白话，二是对学校资金的比较也不符合西方人习惯（不比富，且属于隐私类），一般不谈论此类话题。个人意见，还是不要举例能力（是否有能力买电脑）的差别，换一个比如学校专业，NHS是技术类，其他有的是舞蹈类，可能电脑就用处不大...这样呢？？

In the third place, the evidence the author provides may be misleading because how was the things going before Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction is not specified. On one hand, if the school dropout rate remained constant and graduates did not perform well in college before Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction, the fact that the school dropout rate declined and graduates have reported impressive achievements in college lends strong support to the author’s conclusion. On the other hand, however, if the school dropout rate had already declined and graduates did perform well in college before Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction, the conclusion is much weaker. Because the author offers no evidence that would rules out this kind of interpretation, the facts cited do not serve as sound evidence for the conclusion.

1、how the things were going on这个比较合适吧

2、highlight处略显罗嗦~不过没太大问题~awa就是要啰嗦！嘻嘻

In conclusion, the author’s argument is not compelling because of the above reasons. To strengthen the author’s conclusion that in future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum, the author would have to provide compelling evidence to support the causal connection between these two events. Additionally, circumscribing the conclusion to more similar schools and offering evidence that would rule out different kind of interpretation of the evidence cited would further substantiate the author’s view.

1、above做adj应该前置，如果是mentioned above做adv才后置。

2、用should比较好

3、compelling用得太频繁了~改成同义词persuasive、convincing、stringent等等，换着用用哦！

4、最后来句总结吧：otherwise, both the common sense and rational thinking will lead us to an opposition to the author's statement. 类似的句子，这样显得结构比较完整

模板弄好了，字数变得很容易搞定了