AA032,想请斑竹帮我看看这样的表达到位吗

自己掐时间写的一篇AA32,

对蓝色的例证我想说的是：迟缓的反应不一定是 West Cambria volunteer ambulance service的错，

想请斑竹帮我看看两个红色部分的表达“达意“了吗？谢谢！

我比较菜，别笑话我啊！

32. The following appeared in the editorial section of a West Cambria newspaper.

In the argument, the author claims that, in order to provide better patient care for accident victims and to raise revenue for the town by collecting service fees for ambulance use, the town should disband its volunteer service and hire a commercial ambulance service. To strengthen the claim, the author cites a recent view indicating that West Cambria volunteer ambulance service revealed a longer average response time to accidents than was reported by a commercial ambulance squad located in East Cambria. However, the reasoning in the argument is problematic in several respects.

First, the assumption in this argument is that the longer average response time to accidents is caused by the poor performance of volunteer ambulance service alone. But, common senses tell me that the average response time to accidents is usually affected by a combination of factors. For example, it is entirely possible that the poor traffic system is the main cause leads to longer average response time to accidents in West Cambria. If so, merely hiring a commercial ambulance service might not bring out the desired results.

Second, author does not provide any evidence to prove that disbanding current volunteer ambulance service and hiring a commercial ambulance volunteer service is the most effective and economical ways to reach the desired results. Unless the author consider and exclude other alternative ways or prove that all other ways are not as effective and economical as the way that the author maintain, the recommendation is not convincing and persuasive.

Third, even if hiring a commercial ambulance volunteer service can provide better patient care for accident victims, it is still questionable whether this change can raise revenue for the town by collecting service fees for ambulance use. In this argument, no evidence can demonstrate that the use of commercial ambulance will increase with the improved patient care for accident victims. Perhaps the number of the citizens who can afford the fee of commercial ambulance service is limited in the town. To substantiate the argument, the author must analyze the demand of commercial ambulance service thoroughly.

In sum, the argument is weak. To justify the argument, the author would have to provide more information to prove that it is the volunteer service’s responsibility for the longer average response time to accidents. Moreover, more detailer evidence is needed to prove that the way that the author recommends is more effective and economic than any other ways. Finally, the author must make a thorough analyze on the demand of commercial ambulance service.

其实文字表达都挺好的。但AWA要求找出的是“推理上的逻辑错误”，既是the logical flaw in reasoning。这种flaw要尽可能的指明，比如make the analogy much less than valid, the author has engaged in 'after this, therefore because of this rasoning'等等。也就是说被发现的逻辑错误不要“引而不发”，要明确指出。当然，一家之言，仅供参考。

哦，谢谢两位，看来这方面要加强！

不好意思，刚刚研究了一下版规，现在全面执行。