作文练习第一篇,想请大家指点一下,不知我写的是否有观点性问题呢?

写了第一篇作文,汗,但是总觉得自己的一些语言或者观点是否并不准确呢?所以请NN们帮我看看,有什么问题?

ARGUMENT 的第二篇

“It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, t he sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.”
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

In this argument, the auther concluded that long experience of Olympic Foods will enable them to minimize costs and maximize profits. The basis for this recommendation is the expectation that kowning how to do things better will lead the costs of processing go down.while at first glance, the auther’s argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection reveals that it is based on some dubious flaws.

First of all, the auther take for granted that the longer experience an organization has, the better an organization will do. 25 years-experience, even if long, is not sufficient condition for the Olympic food company to become more efficient and to minimize costs. Besides long esperience ,there are,.however, more other important factors that make it do things better,such as new developed high-tech mashines,advanced administion skills. Laking the assuption made by auther that long experience will teach company how to do things better, the expectation of increased efficiency is entirely unfounded.

Secend,color film processing industry and food processing industry, in my view, they are totally different in some aspects. Problems of spoilage, contamination, and timely transportation all affect the food industry but are virtually absent in the film-processing industry. Using the facts drawn from the color-film processing industry as a principle to analyze food processing industry, the auther make the analogy highly less than valid.

For the reasons above I therefore believe that the author would have to provide evidence that the company has learned how to do things better as a result of its 25years of experience. And would have to support example drawm from industries more similar to the food-processing industry to substantiate the argument.

1. Please change the title to AWA002. Thank you

2. You are missing a conclusion paragraph.

Good Luck