第一次报到第一次试写，求喷！~

minnowbunny · 发表于 2013-5-14 17:22:07

14 May
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People would be happier if they had fewer possessions. In these decades thewhole society is going through a big revolution, it happens not only on thetechnical and industry aspects, but also in our everyday life. It’s in human’snature that we always want more, but is it so simple in the current world, thatthe more we have, the happier we are?

I don’tconsider it so. Actually in some occasions, we could be happier if we had fewerpossessions.

Throughthese changes which are basically going on every day, we get continuous brandnew information as well as new things, without limit. If a person persists togo after all the things that he wants, his life will be eaten by the eagerness,that he won’t even have chance to enjoy all the things he has. It’s like an oldman who spent all life working hard to get all the things he wants, thansomeday suddenly realizes, that although he has lots of possessions, he isstill unhappy, because it cost him too much time in the process of chasing, notenjoying them. It might be less painful for him that he had known that earlier,tried to give up something that he has actually no such great passion in, and reallyget to appreciate all the things he already has.

Furthermore,possessions can bring out both good and bad aspects of life. Let’s take money foran instance. The rich people can buy lots of things with the money, like greathouse or great cars. It may create a better living environment, but as wellcreate a distance between them and their friends. The barriers like sociallevel can lead them to lose the friendship of old time, which they cannot buyback with money.

Thereis an old Chinese saying that means, when you get something, you lose somethingin the meantime. For some people it maybe, that they get all the possessionsthey want, but lose the chance to really appreciate them. For the others it maybe,that they get all the possessions for a rich and comfortable life, but lose thetrue friendship or real love which are much more important for someone to behappy.

Therefore,people should learn to give up, when we don’t have such many possessions, wecould have the chance to really get to know life, and enjoy the true and beautifulside of it.

anafkn · 发表于 2013-5-15 10:49:23

Hi, 看到组长安排说我们是5.14综合互攻……这个是……独立？

minnowbunny · 发表于 2013-5-15 13:04:32

anafkn 发表于 2013-5-15 10:49
Hi, 看到组长安排说我们是5.14综合互攻……这个是……独立？

是么是么？这个的确是独立来得…时间太紧我只写了独立

。菜鸟啊…不过还是劳烦给喷一喷？我也去看看你的先~

anafkn · 发表于 2013-5-15 14:35:36

修改：

14 MayIndependentWriting：Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?People would behappier if they had fewer possessions.

Hi~~~谢谢帮我改作文，居然综合和独立都改了，感动~~~~~
共同努力哈
高亮表赞；红色修改；蓝色建议（可通过回复框中的“高级模式”添加这些东西）
顺便：CD的回复里面有一个不好，就是词与词之间的空格经常会消失，这些颜色有时候也会自己消失掉QAQ，所以亲……空格神马的就无视吧，然后修改的部分很多都在文中，找找中文哈~~~
谢谢

In these decades the whole society is going through a big revolution, it happens not only on the technical and industry (industrial) aspects, butalso in our everyday life. It’s in human’s nature (the human nature) that we alwayswant more, but is it so simple in the current world, that the morewe have, the happier we are? I don’t considerit so (consider it: 考虑它,后面接不了代词so了貌似；改成think so咩). Actually in （on + occasions） some occasions, we could be happier if we hadfewer possessions(虚拟亮了).

Through thesechanges which are basically going on every day, we get continuous brand newinformation as well as new things, without limit. If aperson persists to (不知道哎，但是我看到的persist in doing 形式比较多) go after all the things that he wants, his life will beeaten by the eagerness, that (and) he won’t even have a chance to enjoy all the things he has (赶脚重复了好几遍的说，那个things, 不太用来指代“东西”，换成what he has gotten怎么样？). It’s like(后面接的句子挺长，内容也很丰富，like后面估计用Ving形式hold不住，干脆改成，For instance？) an old man whospent all life working hard to get all the things he wants, than (then) someday suddenly realizes, that although hehas lots of possessions, he is still unhappy, because it costs him too much timein the process of chasing, not enjoying them. It might be less painful for him that (if) he had known thatearlier, tried to give upsomething that he has actually no such great passion in, and really get toappreciate all the things(all就可以了) he already has. （其实吧，我赶脚写独立的时候不太适合用各种时态转来转去，因为……时间一限制就很容易把自己套错了……）

Furthermore, possessionscan bring out both good and bad aspects of life.（句子我懂，但是……后面写的都是possession带来的坏处呢，论述和论点有点小差异） Let’s take money for an instance（表示喜欢这个句子结构）. The rich people can buy lots of things with the money, like great house or great cars. Itmay create a better living environment, but aswell（放在这一句句末？）create a distancebetween them and their friends. The barriers like social level can lead them to(lead sb to do：使某人做某事，意思有点小奇怪，是想写“导致他们失去朋友”吗？直接用lead to（导致）怎么样) lose thefriendship of old time, which they cannot buyback(n，回购……，改成which cannot be bought back咩) with money.

There is an oldChinese saying that means (says) when you get something, you lose something in the meantime.(有得必有失：Onecannot make an omelet without breaking eggs。不过不算是Chinesesaying咯) For some people it maybe, that (其实……木有看懂，不过maybe作为副词，好像不该放在这里哈) they get all thepossessions they want, but lose the chance to really appreciate them. For theothers it may be, that they get all the possessionsfor a rich and comfortable life, but lose the true friendship or real lovewhich is much more important for someone to be happy.

Therefore, peopleshould learn to give up, when (even if) we don’t have such many possessions, we could have the chanceto really get to know the life, and enjoy the true and beautiful side of it.

论点挺明确的，很容易让人看懂，句子结构和词语上在弄些花样，什么从句啦，状语啦，吓唬吓唬人就更好了~~~~~~（当然我表示我那种过份了，话痨过分句子太长，哎，要是我们能互补就好了）

再次谢谢帮我改文~~~~~

minnowbunny · 发表于 2013-5-15 16:01:40

谢谢亲帮我改得这么认真~！我其实简直就是一个没有语法概念的人…实在应该回去好好回炉一下！
多谢各种建议，一起努力哦~

minnowbunny · 发表于 2013-5-15 16:03:53

anafkn 发表于 2013-5-15 14:35
修改：14 MayIndependentWriting：Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?People would be ...

谢谢亲帮我改得这么认真~！我其实简直就是一个没有语法概念的人…实在应该回去好好回炉一下！
多谢各种建议，一起努力哦~

minnowbunny · 发表于 2013-5-19 13:57:18

今天周末，终于可以静下来写一写了！先谢过会帮我改的童鞋~

People who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill.

According to Darwin’s theory –survival of the fittest, the better someone adapts to the nature and environment, the bigger is the chance that he survives. In the modern society, it is varieties of skills that enable us to have better competition strength, and therefore become more successful. There is no doubt that this point of view is shared in many different areas.
It is widely known that nowadays, college students always take more than one major, or study a second major beside the main one, and it is also encouraged by the university. Why do people do this instead of focus on only one major and leave the others aside? The reason is that the majors taken have a great influence on the student’s future life and career. Through learning more in different lessons and from different teachers, the students acquire more knowledge and skills, which partly build up the way they behave and think. It is also universally acknowledged that more knowledge and skills will make it easier for them to find a better job and accomplish the works in a more satisfying way.
Furthermore, more skills also play an important role in our daily life. For instance, if we know how to change a bulb, how to fix a chair… it will save us more time and money than to hire someone to do it. For everyday life, this is also a kind of success.
In conclusion, it is quite obvious that more skills make us more successful, in study, in career, and as well as in our daily lives. Even though some will claim that focus on only one skill could save us more time and make us more professional in this area, learning more skills can always help with the understanding between one another and sometimes inspire us for the area on which we focus.

tsyxyss · 发表于 2013-5-20 15:22:31

今天周末，终于可以静下来写一写了！先谢过会帮我改的童鞋~

People who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successfulthan people who focus on only one skill.

According to Darwin’stheory –survival of the fittest, the better someone adapts to the nature andenvironment, the bigger is the chance that he survives. In the modernsociety, it is varieties of skills that enable us to have better competitionstrength, and therefore become more successful. There is no doubt that thispoint of view is shared proved in many different areas.

It is widely known that nowadays, college students always take more than onemajor, or study a second major beside the main one, and it is also encouragedby the university. Why do people do this instead of focusing on only onemajor and leave the others aside? The reason is that the majors taken have a greatinfluence on the student’s future life and career. Through learning more indifferent lessons and from different teachers, the students acquire moreknowledge and skills, which partlybuild up the way they behave and think. It is also universallyacknowledged that more knowledge and skills will make it easier for them tofind a better job and accomplish the works in a more satisfying way.

Furthermore, more skills also play an important role in our daily life. Forinstance, if we know how to change a bulb, how to fix a chair… it will save usmore time and money than to hire someone to do it. For everyday life, this isalso a kind of success.(感觉相比第二段论述单薄。)

In conclusion, it is quite obvious that more skills make us more successful, instudy, in career, and as well as in our daily lives. Even though some willclaim that focus on only one skill could save us more time and make us moreprofessional in this area, learning more skills can always help with theunderstanding between one another and sometimes inspire us for the area onwhich we focus.

总体感觉还不错，就是建议写成中间论述部分写成三段，最好三个论点，这样会显得充实一些。

minnowbunny · 发表于 2013-5-24 14:40:42

周日就考了…求大牛们最后指点和多多保佑…

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Students can get as many benefits from orgnization or club activities as they can get from academic studies.

The modern society is now going through an explosion of information, the ways of getting knowledge are becoming more and more various and convenient. Under this background, the students are also enabled to have variety of interactions with the society by taking part in the activities of different organizations and clubs. Some people even think that the students can get as many benefits from these activities as they can get from academic studies. But is it reasonable to say so? That is a problem which must be discussed seriously.

The most obvious and as well important point is the difference between the kinds of benefits brought by activities from organizations and clubs, and the ones one can get from academic studies. We have all been to these activities, for instance the ones from movie clubs, sport organizations etc. These activities allow the students to broaden their horizon, spice up their everyday life, and give them chance to meet more friends. Yet sometimes due to reasons like space, time and human resources, they can’t always meet the student’s needs of getting more knowledge in the professional areas. Some knowledge can only be taught in the classroom, by a teacher, using a text book.

Furthermore, so far I know about these activities, they normally focus on the areas where students show their interest in, or, in other words, the students always choose the activities they find interesting. However, what they want doesn’t equal what they need. The aim that students go to schools or universities is that they can receive systematic education, and be cultivated in every aspect, the activities can hardly fulfill these requirements, and therefore they cannot replace the academic studies

In conclusion, the activities can be very beneficial and as well important for the students, and the students should be advised and encouraged to attend. But there is no doubt that they are unable to meet all the requirements, neither can they cover all the aspects. The best solution is to achieve a good combination of academic studies and activities from organizations and clubs.

第一次报到第一次试写，求喷！~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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