argument 处女作 Humana U pk Omini U 求拍，请猛拍

elinagao · 发表于 2012-10-20 10:02:21

Prompt:
The following is part of a memorandum from the president of Humana University.
"Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because instruction in the online programs takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow, and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased along with our budget deficit. To address these problems, Humana University will begin immediately to create and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni. We predict that instituting these online degree programs will help Humana both increase its total enrollment and solve its budget problems."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

My Essay:

There has been a recent push for the initiationand activation of the online courses at the Humana University, which potentially would increase theenrollment, reduce both the dormitory and classroom expenditures, and stimulatethe overall growth of the university. The memorandum from the president ofHumana University exemplifies a positive analysis and evaluation over thereason why Humana should adopt the online course strategy based on OminiUniversity's successful paragon. However, without more concrete evidence, theresults predicted by the president are speculative at best.

Presuming that the online instructions via theInternet has greatly contributed in lowering the dormitory and classroomexpenditures Omini University's, the memo would be appear unwarranted if thereader points out the budget cut on the cleaning and maintenance crew alsochipped in significantly in the savings. It could also be that the schoolchanged its auxiliary management strategy: the resources are better allocatedthis year, therefore the expense reduced. We simply do not have enough evidenceto assert the portion the online courses contributed to curtailing theexpenses.

Also, suggesting Humana University to use thesame approach to increase enrollment and reduce the deficits, the presidentassumes that the 2 universities are comparable in these aspects. However,what's not give in his memo is the enrollment rates for the 2 schoolsrespectively and the dollar amount on Humana's deficit increase and Omini'sexpenditure decrease. It is also unclear if Humana University's course settingsare really fitful for online instructions because for example, P.E. classescannot really be carried out solely online if Humana University is big onathletic education. Without these additional data and information, it isrelatively difficult for the readers to sense how much the online course couldactually alleviate the tight budget and whether it is really financially doableor even necessary for Humana University to adopt the online course idea becausewhat's suitable for others does not always suit for oneself.

The president's economic considerations and innovative way ofthinking are admirable. However, the school's reform needs furtherinvestigation and discussion before it reaches the final decision. Study moresuccessful examples of online courses from more universities, especially theones that are academically and administratively comparable to HumanaUniversity, and analyze the school deficit with a better detailed reportsuggesting the real causes for the excessive expenditures would be beneficialto the decision making process.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-10-20 11:05:47

题目要求中有stated and/or unstated assumptions，所以你有必要在文章有所涉及。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-10-20 11:06:50

Presuming that the online instructions via theInternet has greatly contributed in lowering the dormitory and classroomexpenditures Omini University's, the memo would be appear unwarranted if thereader points out the budget cut on the cleaning and maintenance crew alsochipped in significantly in the savings. 　　LZ这里是一句话么？

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-10-20 11:20:21

文章的结构很好。

elinagao · 发表于 2012-10-20 11:50:25

竹林，这个是一句话。但是不知道贴上去之后格式怎么成了这个shi样子。。
这个是我的原句：
Presuming that the online instructions via the Internet has greatly contributed in lowering Omini University's dormitory and classroom expenditures, the memo would appear unwarranted if the reader points out that the budget cut on the cleaning andmaintenance crew also chipped in significantly in the savings.
谢啦！

elinagao · 发表于 2012-10-20 11:51:05

谢谢普度哥～

[作文互改] argument 处女作 Humana U pk Omini U 求拍，请猛拍

是一句话

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