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[作文互改] Issue 82 求拍砖

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楼主
发表于 2012-10-10 21:00:53 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
82) Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.





Nowadays, education becomes an important issue of our society.In order to provide high quality of education to our students, colleges and universities need to do a great deal of work.It seems that require students to study aboard for a semester or more will be benefit. Though study in a foreign country may have a nice effort on some students, it less likely to be a wonderful choice to each person.To decide whether a university student should study aboard for sometime, we need to take specific condition into our consideration.



Admittedly, having academic life in a foreign country can bring some good effort.For example, by studying aboard, a student major in business could have an opportunity to get a global view of how business work.This student may go to the top 500 companies and see how a CEO works there.That opportunity also helps the student build his or her ambition to develop oneself in order to become a leader of an outstand firm.An engineer student, who has an opportunity to study aboard, could study the new engineering technology from an advanced university, which is unavailable in his or her homeland.New technology is going to benefit the student on a great extent.By boarded one's view, a student is likely to come up with new ideas and create new inventions, which not only benefit the student, but also do good things to the university and the country.In the example above, study aboard is helpful to the students.Because this experience helps them make progress.



However, study aboard is not always a great thing.Every coin has its two sides, and sometimes the negative efforts could outweigh the positive ones.For example, language could be a huge barrier that every student who wants to study aboard must overcome.To deal with the language problem, a student must make great effort.A student major in math may have poor language ability and it takes him more than two year to prepare for aboard study.But if this student, who has a talent in math, could use this time and effort working on his major, probably his has already have outstanding achievement.What is more, studying math aboard seems making less difference from study in his own university.Since some bad efforts could happen, we could never say that study aboard is always a smart choice.



What is more, we must consider if every student is able to study aboard.Some students are facing financial problems, it is less likely for them to pay extra money to study aboard.A number of students may have to take care of their parents and their family so they could never go aboard for a long time.It is unfair for the university to ask all the students to study aboard for a semester.Students’ special conditions must be taken into consideration.If a student have the will and ability to study aboard, the university is encouraged to provide him of her such an opportunity.But if a student is unable to do study aboard, the university should never insist on that this student have to this.



To sum up, study aboard has both good efforts and bad efforts.The university should take the students’ opinions into consideration.Asking all the student to do the same thing is less likely to be good to each students.

现在写起来似乎熟练一点了~逻辑结构可以不?感觉过度还是不太好。。
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沙发
发表于 2012-10-11 09:42:08 | 只看该作者
It seems that require students to study aboard for a semester or more will be benefit.  

benefit是名词,用beneficial
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-11 19:05:51 | 只看该作者
谢谢版主评价~
地板
发表于 2012-10-12 19:44:34 | 只看该作者
Nowadays, education becomes an important issue of our society,当LZ写这样类似的话的时候,如果能加上一句类似with the development of 。。。或者是as 什么什么变得越来越重要,因而教育也变得很重要,就更好了。
have a nice effort on some students, ?
it less likely to be??
第一段中,我觉得LZ写句子的时候,最好前后句子之间有很好的衔接和呼应,而不要都是独立的意思。

how business work?
an outstand firm?
In the example above, study aboard is helpful to the students.Because this experience helps them make progress.这是典型的中式思维,我觉得例子应当是自己观点的一个具体阐述,而不应该是从例子中归纳出自己观点,你是无法做到的,因为仅就一两个例子,你不能归纳出一个观点的。

boarded one's view?broaden
sometimes the negative efforts could outweigh the positive ones,这样观点之后,最好能有支持性的语句,而不是直接接例子。

所以从上面的意见来看,LZ需要注意:1.基本词汇和语法要使用准确,小错误不要多犯、2.注意句子表达相互间的支撑和衔接,注重观点的论述和分析,摆脱中文议论文的窠臼。
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-13 23:00:01 | 只看该作者
谢谢版主的评价~

我经常就会把例子和论点堆一块。。然后没有论证。。
可以求版主给个论证的例子吗?发现不会写论证是个大毛病。。

感谢感谢~~
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