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[作文互改] issue 28

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楼主
发表于 2012-8-4 11:49:07 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Issue 28 113 120 121 127 145


Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.


When a nation comes into mind, often, some elites of the nation come into mind. Just as what's shown in the London Olympic Opening Ceremony, when we talk about England, we talk about Churchill, Shakespeare and The Beatles. In fact, these great celebrities represent their nation to some extent. However, I do agree with the author's reason that the surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists but the welfare if all its people.


It's a popular wisdom that among the many methods to evaluate a nation's greatness, the observance of social elite is one of the most effective ones. All these great minds brought visible, practical or immediately beneficial achievements, some of them even advanced the entire human civilization forward. Take Churchill, the former British perimeter as an example. Churchill was thrust into office when his country's morale was at its lowest, he gave courage to an entire nation and proved himself brilliantly to lead the British people. Yet, achievement of defeating German would have been impossible without his leading. Another example is Steve Jobs, the ex-CEO of Apple Company, a charismatic pioneer of the personal computer revolution. At the time that personal computer is so expensive that it's almost impossible for average people's daily use. Bearing the tenet of "there should be one computer on every table" in his mind he worked both hard and creative for many years. Though the day didn't come before his death, Jobs did change the computer world to a much better scenario and restore America to the status of economic powerhouse and technological leader of the world after the financial crisis.


It turns out, however, that sometimes the individual's greatness cannot be determined by their contemporaries. For example, Isadora Duncan, who is known asmother of modern dance” nowadays, masterly writings on the dance reveal the depth of her determination to discard the traditional methods and established vocabularies of such dance forms as ballet and to explore the internal sources of human expressiveness which was free of characterization, storytelling, and the theatrical exhibition of skills.But she was never popular during her life in America. Also, in science world, any theory might be disproved tomorrow, thereby demoting the theorist's contribution to the status of societal footnote. All these render the “achievement- determination” unreliable.


In fact, a truly indicator of a nation is far more than investigating and admiring the population less than the 2 or 3 percent who comprised the political and social elite: the kings, scientists, judges, nobles, artists, and local magnates who had hitherto usually filled history books. After all, a nation is the convergence of public power to improve citizens' life and security. It's hard to say a country which is full of the hungry, the helpless, and the hapless is great, no matter the elite made how many brilliant achievements. Consider the giant gap between cities and countryside of China, a majority of children in Shanghai begin to use computer at five years old, but many children in the remote countryside of Ningxia still live a miserable life and have to face the dangers of exposure and starvation. While Shanghai's children are visiting Shanghai Museum enjoying the world-class paintings, Ningxia's students may be helping their parents feeding the sheep in order to earn money to support their own study life. Though nowadays, the sportsman, scientist and artist achieved many No, 1 in their field in world-wide, we can't say this is a great country.


In sum, it’s largely through the achievement of elites that a country looks (求助竹林中人,真的写不出来最后一段……)
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-4 11:50:13 | 只看该作者
1. 很多国家产生过杰出人物,这些人物在一定时间内一定程度上成为了某个国家的代表。 没有一个国家能够仅仅因为产生过若干精英而伟大。(开头段怎么表述??)
2.一个国家的伟大可能有很多表现方式,它子民中的精英是其中的一个重要方面。例如领导人的卓越(丘吉尔)、科学家的伟大发明(此处也可直接用乔布斯的例子)等等
3. 但是achievement常常不能体现真实的水平,艺术家的成就不被同时代的人认可(伊莎杜拉?邓肯),科学家的成果常常被证伪。
3.但是这部分人可能只占整个国家的20%,真正彪炳史册的精英则可能1%都没有,所以他们不能完全的体现一个国家是否足够伟大.事实上,国家是集结起来提升人类生活品质和安全的。一个连国家的教育水平,在山区还有很多小孩子不能上学,上学也条件非常差,甚至吃不饱students there, on the brink of hunger from having nothing but boiled potatoes to eat day after day。还有很多的老人没有赡养,病人生病了没有条件没有足够的资金去治只能等死,这样的情况即使大城市非常发达有很多的艺术家也不能算是很伟大的国家。
4.无疑,一个国家的精英可能做出很大的贡献,是一个国家的骄傲,但是一个国家是否伟大它的人民是更好的说明。  (结尾段怎么写?试着使用哲理性的话)
板凳
发表于 2012-8-5 00:57:59 | 只看该作者
首段我觉得你可以限定下对伟大国家的含义,便于自己后面的论述
结尾段,然后首段一定要有立论,不要只是一个分析,然后立场在后面再给出
这个题目的结尾段我认为你可以说说随着社会文明程度的提高,题目的两个因素对评价伟大国家有什么新的变化,或者写写能否补充些别的,比如说除了这两个因素还有没有其他因素,这只是提下不要多说。
地板
发表于 2012-8-5 01:02:39 | 只看该作者
你对题目中reason基本没有提到,这是很大的问题。这类题目需要你分析理由自身是否是合理的,理由是否一定能推到结论,结论是否必然由题目的结论得到,你需要对各种类型的题目慢慢有个固定的思路和套路,这样习惯了熟悉了,速度和水平才会慢慢提高
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