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[作文互改] Issue 6

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楼主
发表于 2012-8-1 16:49:30 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
6. A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.


The recommendation makes sense to some extent for it may make it equal for all the students in a country to achieve a standardized education. But accounting for the differences virtually existed between different regions, the recommendation may not be implemented efficiently and what's worse, it may lead to some bad effects.


To ensure that every child gets education equally, it could be a possible suggestion to ask all students to get the same curriculum until they enter college. The same curriculum could ensure that every child get the same knowledge and skills prepared for college. Thus they could be on a relatively comparable level when they apply to a college. For example in China, a country with a huge population of over 1.3 billion, it's impossible to set a generalized standard when the college admits millions of students if they have taken different courses before. Owing to this in China, a national education curriculum is made to ensure every child is of equal level when go into a college.


?    However, there being wide gap between different areas like the economy development level, different tradition and religion accustoms and believes, it is not realistic and efficient to ask all student nationwide to take the same curriculum and allow for no difference. Actually, in China as a complement to the basic national curriculum, the education institutions in different areas have the right to apply extra local courses. In the eastern districts like in Shanghai where the economy development level is fairly high and the society is more open to the outside world, the students can learn a foreign language or computer science when they are in primary school but the students of the same age couldn't have the same chance in the western mountainous and poor areas. Also in some minority intensively distributed area like Tibet the students there should take some courses on their own culture and religion, which add to the maintenance of nation culture and custom.


On the opposite side, if a nation requires all of its students to study the same national curriculum until enter college, it may lead to some bad effects. Whether it is nature or not, we have to admit that the learning ability of students in different areas or of different groups is not the same, there usually exists a districts variation of the students' enrollment rates. If we ask them to take the same curriculum, the variation may become typical and add to another kind of inequality. As a result the Matthew Effect may appear in education field, that is that in some specific areas the college enrollment rate is becoming higher and higher, which is absolutely not the final goal of education even not of the national curriculum.


In sum, the equality to get education is important. And it is equally important to consider the differences of different areas and groups of students. A basic national curriculum with an accordingly complement may be a good choice for educators.
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-1 19:46:04 | 只看该作者
为什么没人给出点意见呢?
板凳
发表于 2012-8-2 10:08:49 | 只看该作者
In sum, the equality to get education is important. And it is equally important to consider the differences of different areas and groups of students.

and 前面用逗号,differences 换成diversities可能更好。
地板
发表于 2012-8-2 10:09:08 | 只看该作者
overal, good job !
5#
发表于 2012-8-2 18:28:44 | 只看该作者
according for 应该是according to吧,第一段
地区差异性(上海VS山区)例子后面有一段论证总结,是不是会更好,把例子甩出来就走掉了好像不太“负责任”噢
until enter college应该是until entering college吧
地区差异:districts variation??    regional difference或者areal variation都可以吧
that is that in some specific 这是什么东西····
倒数第二段到最后一段的逻辑过渡,我怎么看不出来啊,这是怎么过去的,刚说完缺点,就说谈到教育质量···唐突了吧
有说的不对的,望得反馈呦!!!

6#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-2 19:33:53 | 只看该作者
谢谢宝贵的意见
一个地方是accounting for不是according to
举例子的这个地方我再想想怎么改改
that is that 那里作为一个插入成分对马泰效应的一个解释。
最后你说的是倒数第二段和最后一段吗?最后一段我还是谈的关于受教育的平等问题
7#
发表于 2012-8-2 19:44:01 | 只看该作者
got it!好多地方看错了,好粗心
加油
8#
发表于 2012-8-4 11:24:47 | 只看该作者
两个语法错误
Thus they could be on a relatively comparable level when they apply to a college
应该是apply for吧
But accounting for the differences virtually existed between different regions
between应该改成among
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