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[作文互改] Argument 76 诚意求指教!

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楼主
发表于 2012-7-29 21:13:44 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Argument 76 The following appeared in a newsletter offering advice to investors.

"Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol(1,5), and today low-fat products abound in many food stores(2). Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol(7), the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease(3,4). We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company(6)."



The writer recommends Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares, he also asserts other investors should not purchase stock in this company. To justify these conclusions, the author cites a survey which illustrated 80% respondents prefer to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, also he points out well stored low-fat products in food stores. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.



To begin with, before evaluating a survey, one should consider how the survey was conducted. If the survey was self-reported or the questions were leading, the results will be open to doubt, because people may inclined to cater with the expected answers. Meanwhile, people should consider how broad the survey was. If the survey was limited to just senile citizens, the results might be applied to those people. Hence, the generalization drawn might not attribute to most people. In addition, even if the survey was broader, one must consider whether it was limited in certain ways. For example, were the respondents people who have weight problems?Was the survey limited to a certain fashion locale or industry? Factors such as these could strengthen the survey results and could undermine the credibility of the survey results.



Secondly, the author presents nowadays low-fat products abound in many food stores. At first glance, this is a compelling evidence for healthy diet. However, the fact that low-fat foods are in abundant supply in food stores does not necessarily indicate an increasing demand for low-fat dairy products or a diminishing demand for high-fat dairy products. It is quite possible that people are buying other types of low-fat foods but are still in need of high fat foods. the consumer tastes and habits have become so well entrenched that consumers would not be easily changed. What's more, though many products in Old Dairy is high- fat, it is equally possible that they do have other low-fat series with a strong market competition. Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument's conclusion that the company's sale are likely to diminish greatly.



Last but not least, the author assumes high fat foods sale decreasing will eliminate the company's profits with no doubt. Yet the newsletter contains no evidence to support this assumption. Perhaps the food department is just a small department in Old Dairy, perhaps the company is mainly focus on estate or telecommunication. Without ruling out other possible situations for high-fat food is the determination factor of the company's profit, the speaker cannot convince me.



In sum, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster it the argument's author must show--perhaps by way of a reliable citywide study--that citizens of different backgrounds are all eager to intake healthy food. The author would also bolster the argument by providing reliable evidence that low fat foods are overwhelming in the food market. Finally, to better assess the argument I would need to know how the company is organized.



第一篇argument,半抄半写,写完了自己都不忍心看啊,好多觉得应该很简单的表达都写不出来。还有就是一直在练习自己找错误的能力,现在觉得错误倒是不难找,可是对错误的论证以及对错误的弥补却不是很容易的事情。还有连接词的问题,简单的看不上,可是连简单的也用不好……
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沙发
发表于 2012-7-30 09:11:11 | 只看该作者
第二段在质疑调查方法的时候,不宜从理论上说,直接分析案例就是。分析越具体越好,这是AW的一个特点。
Yet the newsletter contains no evidence to support this assumption,你是不是把题目的结论当做assumption了,其实assumption要自己分析出来的。
你的反驳的点是找到了,但论述的不太好。instruction中应该有提到assumption的,那么每个反驳点提出来之后,你最好分析出assumption,然后指出这种assumption的不靠谱,在指出其他的可能性,就好。
加油!
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-7-31 20:49:47 | 只看该作者
附件是根据竹林中人的revise对第一稿的整理、反思和疑问,求回应……
是把内容都贴在文本框里比较方便修改还是用附件上传比较方便?

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地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-7-31 20:50:52 | 只看该作者
argument根据竹林中人的意见修改版,红色是我认为或许可以作为模板的部分,求指点!

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