ARGUE求拍【Nature'Way is profitable in Plainsville】

xxfahima · 发表于 2012-5-16 09:59:41

题目：
Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville's schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.

要求：Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

提纲：
1.健身用品的价格高跟健康食品的销售没有什么必然联系
2.可能人们更愿意通过锻炼来保持健康，仅仅只是瘦身课的情况不能说明问题，
3.学生被要求参加program，穿运动衣，并不意味着他们本身追求健康食品
4.如果当地的条件真的那么好，是否存在其他的竞争

作文：
The speaker claims that Plainsville's residents are leading healthy lives, and concludes that the store of Nature's Way there will be profitable. To support this claim the speaker cites (1)good sales of running shoes and exercise clothing,(2)increasing number of club members,(3)popularity of the weight training and aerobics classes,and (4)fit-ness-for-life program that school children are required to participate in.Careful examination of these supporting evidences,however,reveals that it lends little credible support to the speaker's conclusion.

First,good sales of exercise apparel do not necessarily indicate that Plainsville residents are interested in exercising.Perhaps the increasing members of club and students in fitness-for-life program may contribute to that.For that matter,exercise apparel may happens to be fashionable at the moment.Suppose that a national sports meet would be hold in Plainsville which with no doubt will promote sales of exercise apparel but consumers in all possibility are out-of-town visitors.In short,without ruling out other possible reason for sales the speaker cannot convince me on the basis of good sales that residents are interested in exercising.

Secondly, the popularity of health club and classes might appear to lend support to the speaker's claims.However, the speaker provide no evidence that club members would be interested in eating health food.Moreover, it's entirely possible that people are more willing to keep healthy by exercising rather than eating health food. For that matter, health club actually pose competition for Nature's Way.

Thirdly, the fact that participating in a certain program is mandatory for schoolchildren accomplishes noting toward bolstering the speaker's claim. Yet,it is not informed what types of food Nature's Way manufactures,let alone taste, the speaker easily rest on the assumption that Nature's Way apeal to all students. Lacking evidence that students are interested in Nature's Way the speaker cannot convince me that students will buy health food.

Finally,even if the profit of health food is so great as the speaker said,it seems that Plainsville would already have one or more such stores.The speaker mentions nothing about the condition of the health food market.Suppose that there are already several stores in Plainsville,the speaker unfairly assumes that patrons of those stores would try Nature's Way instead.Since the speaker has not adequately responded to this concern,his claim that the proposed stores would be profit is dubious.

In sum,the speaker’s conclusion is not persuasive as it stands.To bolster it he must provide clearer evidence that major residents of Plainvlle are interested in Nature's Way.Such evidence might include the following:marketing information about the health food stores; statistics showing that a significant number of club members who eagerly need health food;a survey showing that residents of Plainville are willing to buy health food if they get the chance.

ppguo · 发表于 2012-5-16 11:12:28

论点抓得很好。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-5-16 21:03:48

,good sales of exercise apparel do not necessarily indicate that Plainsville residents are interested in exercising.我觉得这样的表述之后，紧接着的是一句支撑性话，加强下，而不要直接接着perhaps，这样有种感觉就像是我一拳头打出去，还没碰到敌人就收回来了，很泄气。这涉及到段内的组织问题，不要凌乱，按照一定的逻辑顺序来组织，先写什么，再写什么。提纲好了，论证好更重要，这是3分跟4、5分的区别

xxfahima · 发表于 2012-5-16 21:44:53

想不出用什么句子能够进一步支撑。如果调整内容的顺序是不是就会好一些

First,good sales of exercise apparel do not necessarily indicate that Plainsville residents are interested in exercising.On the one hand,“Wearing exercise apparel" doesn't equal to "enjoying exercising",perhaps just for comfort.One the other hand,as for factors contributing to the good sales,they varies with many possibility.Exercise apparel may happen to be fashionable at the moment.Suppose that a national sports meet would be hold in Plainsville which with no doubt will promote sales of exercise apparel but consumers in all possibility are out-of-town visitors.The increasing members of club and students in fitness-for-life program may also contribute to sales.In short,without ruling out other possible reason for sales the speaker cannot convince me on the basis of good sales that residents are interested in exercising.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-5-16 21:51:46

这样也可以，感觉，加油

xxfahima · 发表于 2012-5-16 22:02:55

First,good sales of exercise apparel do not necessarily indicate that Plainsville residents are interested in exercising.

想到了，第一句改成

First, It's by citing the good sale the speaker implicate that Plainville residents prefer wearing exercise apparel and further infer that they enjoy exercising.But this deduction is logically flawed.On the.........

sugayarisako · 发表于 2012-5-17 19:52:52

这篇整体感觉论点抓得很好，然后表达也很清晰
很有潜力啊，在稍加训练一定能够拿高分

xxfahima · 发表于 2012-5-17 20:35:00

真不好意思说我认识这个人啊。。。= =~！

[作文互改] ARGUE求拍【Nature'Way is profitable in Plainsville】

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