ISSUE 22

waywong · 发表于 2012-5-14 23:24:26

Claim: The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and the women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.

Reason: Heroes and role models reveal a society's highest models.

At hand is the issue about what things can let people understand the character of a society.In order to understand the character of a society, the speaker points out, is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models, statement that is unfeasible, however.The author overlooks some significant elements which make us understand the society better, such as the culture of a society and the history of it.So, frankly, although the statement cited by author has its value to some degree, I disagree this statement and my reasons are as follows.

Admittedly, the heroes and the role models choose by their society's people can represent the character of their society.For example, some heroes in American cartoon, such as American Captain, Spiderman, Iron Man, can well represent the character of United States, which tries their best to protect the world from war and have the motions to explore the unknown things and beyond human themselves.Another example is our country, our previous president, Mao Ze Dong, who devotes himself to chase freedom, can well represent nearly almost citizens of China.In this view of point, it is seems that the best way to know the character of a society is to examine the heroes or its role models chose by its people.

However, perhaps the heroes and the role models are just the imagination of people's dream.On one hand, there are not so many heroes in a society.For example, Chinese people like to take the people who are brave to fight for enemies as their heroes, but in the reality, people seems not to do that when a murder or rob happens.Common people become so threatened that they choose to avoid of it instead of helping the victims.And on the other hand, these heroes and role models, which people adore, are probably the outcomes of media.Some media companies exaggerate the achievements of them so that they lose the representation of a society’s character.

Besides, if we want to understand the character of a society well, people cannot ignore the influences of its normal people.For instance, our country, which has a great numbers of people, consists of 800,000,000 farmers and other people.So it is a better way to understand the character of our country by means of understanding the character of the farmers than the men and women that the society chooses as heroes or role models.Furthermore, there are also many other elements representing the character of a society, such as the culture and the history of it.

In sum, we cannot easily judge that the best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of its heroes and role models. We should also consider the situation of the society and the culture and history of it.Combing this measure, we can understand the character of a society more readily than the author’s method.

在模考软件里面限时打了。。。打到25分钟才打了3段话多一点。。估计里面会很多用词不当和语法错误。求拍。。。
我想知道这个水平的ISSUE大概多少分呢。。因为我27号就要考试了TAT。。。我在想我要不要缓考

淡淡飞过 · 发表于 2012-5-15 08:24:54

At hand is the issue about what things can let people understand the character of a society.In order to understand the character of a society, the speaker points out, is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models, statement that is unfeasible, however.The author overlooks some significant elements which make us understand the society better, such as the culture of a society and the history of it.So, frankly, although the statement cited by author has its value to some degree, I disagree this statement and my reasons are as follows.

I think, instead of using the word "let" which is so common in both oral and writing English, you can consider "help", "make" as well.

The phrase "In order to understand the character of a society," in my point of view, seems to repeat the first sentence. The structure "the speaker points out, is to . . . " does not make sense to me. Besides, you have two subjects in this sentence.

"The statement mainly proposes an issue about how people can understand the character of a society. The speaker points out that by examining the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or role models, people are likely to achieve this goal. However, a further reflection shows that this claim is unfeasible. . . . "

What do you think about the revision?

These are just my personal opinions.

淡淡飞过 · 发表于 2012-5-15 08:36:37

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waywong · 发表于 2012-5-15 09:35:46

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淡淡飞过 · 发表于 2012-5-15 09:59:54

However, perhaps the heroes and the role models are just the imagination of people's dream.On one hand, there are not so many heroes in a society.For example, Chinese people like to take the people who are brave to fight for enemies as their heroes, but in the reality, people seems not to do that when a murder or rob happens.Common people become so threatened that they choose to avoid of it instead of helping the victims.And on the other hand, these heroes and role models, which people adore, are probably the outcomes of media.Some media companies exaggerate the achievements of them so that they lose the representation of a society’s character. (not a very persuasive example. From my perspective, you are degrading Chinese people. Sorry to say so. But these things happen in other countries as well.

其实我个人觉得整个这一段都不是很理想。首先你的论点，perhaps the heroes and the role models are just the imagination of people's dream 就不是很令人信服的说法。
"Although the heroes and role models are able to somehow display the character of a society, they are still the ideals of the social values. As the old saying from the Hebrew Bible, "no man in this world is perfectly righteous," the social models have as many flaws as others do in their human nature."
I have not quite thought through this topic yet. You can consider what I wrote, but I know it is not very well-written. I need to think about it again

waywong · 发表于 2012-5-15 12:55:59

However, perhaps the heroes and the role models are just the imagination of people's dream.On one hand, there are not so many heroes in a society.For example, Chinese people like to take the people who are brave to fight for enemies as their heroes, but in the reality, people seems not to do that when a murder or rob happens.Common people become so threatened that they choose to avoid of it instead of helping the victims.And on the other hand, these heroes and role models, which people adore, are probably the outcomes of media.Some media companies exaggerate the achievements of them so that they lose the representation of a society’s character. (not a very persuasive example. From my perspective, you are degrading Chinese people. Sorry to say so. But these things happen in other countries as well.

其实我个人觉得整个这一段都不是很理想。首先你的论点，perhaps the heroes and the role models are just the imagination of people's dream 就不是很令人信服的说法。
"Although the heroes and role models are able to somehow display the character of a society, they are still the ideals of the social values. As the old saying from the Hebrew Bible, "no man in this world is perfectly righteous," the social models have as many flaws as others do in their human nature."
I have not quite thought through this topic yet. You can consider what I wrote, but I know it is not very well-written. I need to think about it again

-- by 会员淡淡飞过 (2012/5/15 9:59:54)

其实我也觉得这一段很扯。。当时看还剩时间不多了·然后就乱写了。。。我回去改改和回顾下之前的作文。。感激不尽啊

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-5-15 20:05:11

淡淡飞过拍的很给力。

waywong · 发表于 2012-5-15 23:33:27

淡淡飞过拍的很给力。

-- by 会员竹林中人 (2012/5/15 20:05:11)

嗯嗯。。中人还有什么地方可以拍么？？继续拍吧。。。。我现在在作文回顾

guominhuhu · 发表于 2012-5-16 14:21:00

你好，由于时间比较紧，我看了下你的大概框架。你的比较突出的一个问题是，你的分论点的topic sentence 观点不够明确，要像我们做证明题的时候推理一样，思路要逻辑紧密，不要太跳跃。当然，中文对二语习得的影响确实很深，你要多看看美国人的文章，学习他们怎么写。祝好

waywong · 发表于 2012-5-16 14:57:37

你好，由于时间比较紧，我看了下你的大概框架。你的比较突出的一个问题是，你的分论点的topic sentence 观点不够明确，要像我们做证明题的时候推理一样，思路要逻辑紧密，不要太跳跃。当然，中文对二语习得的影响确实很深，你要多看看美国人的文章，学习他们怎么写。祝好

-- by 会员 guominhuhu (2012/5/16 14:21:00)

嗯嗯。谢谢啊。。我试试改改。毕竟我只剩10天就要上考场了

[作文互改] ISSUE 22

所属分类: GRE考试

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