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[作文互改] Issue 1篇 诚心求拍

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楼主
发表于 2012-2-4 16:09:33 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
ISSUE: Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree   with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

 1. Should scientists and other researchers focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people? It might be true in some field, however I consider this issue should be probed in depth, not hastily draw a conclusion that they should focus on field for the benefits of the majority.
   2.It is true that everyone should focus on benefit the most people of the world. Because as  living creatures on the planet, we should pay our attention to the field that could make the world a better place, not only considering the profit of ourselves. So scientists should also focus on that goal. Otherwise,if  scientists pay little attention to the field that perhaps the one would bring our life to doom such as nuclear research,  it would lead to a disaster to planet. All in all, The goal of the scientist is to use their knowledge of law of nature to change the world.
 3.For example, in agriculture, a Chinese Researcher named Yuan Longping, who spent a lot of years researching the hybrid-grain , won the Prize of Chinese Excellent Contribution Scientists, with his super grain not only contribute to the output of Chinese agriculture in total ,but also saved a lot of life in Africa.What he did benefit a international wide people and even made him the qualification to get a tenure of Professor in Harvard, which not only benefit himself but also have a positive effect on the whole human being on the planet.
 4.However there are question need to be asked about  the issue.What is exactly the field that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people? What if the field will has such a effect on the greatest number of people but is not apparent at present? Then it would naturally follows that the field is going to become oblivion according to the logical conclusion from the issue? Of course, we should not only focus on the only type of  field, there other field is also worthwhile in the future even it is not obvious as it seems right now.
  5.For instance, when Bell first invented a telephone and displayed it in a worldwide exhibition ,a high-class woman came to asked .which was also a lot of people's confusion,about what kind of job was the machine going to work.At that time, people only need to use mail to connect each other through post office.So does that mean Bell should give up his invention? Of course not. It proved to be useful after a few years later and became a new scientific field, and even resulting a more worldwide significant effect than it used to.Hence, it would be unwise to follow the instruction of the issue to only focus on the field that seems to benefit the most majority of people.Because it is always impossible to predict a value of a novel invention when it first come to birth.And it would lead to a huge loss on the whole happiness of human society if we abandon a field due to its present unpromising condition.
  6.In conclusion, although it is true that scientist and researchers should shoulder the responsibility of harnessing their knowledge to make the world better ,  we cannot only put our resource on such a seemingly most beneficial field without careful inspection and evaluation the outcome of a field in the future.
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沙发
发表于 2012-2-4 22:13:19 | 只看该作者
结尾太简单了。。。因为是两段论述,本来就有点单调。这时候要在结尾总结一下。
板凳
发表于 2012-2-5 00:34:21 | 只看该作者
你的内容还是写的不错的,但你结构感觉不够合理,手段你可以多写点,多谈谈你对这个题目的复杂的理解,这样也便于读者最快掌握你的态度和立场。最后的结尾,不宜这么简单抽象,最好能概括全文
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-2-5 11:38:13 | 只看该作者
结尾太简单了。。。因为是两段论述,本来就有点单调。这时候要在结尾总结一下。
-- by 会员 普渡哥 (2012/2/4 22:13:19)




结尾这样总结以下足够合适吗? 这样一个让步总结全文的中心思想。
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-2-5 11:43:44 | 只看该作者
你的内容还是写的不错的,但你结构感觉不够合理,手段你可以多写点,多谈谈你对这个题目的复杂的理解,这样也便于读者最快掌握你的态度和立场。最后的结尾,不宜这么简单抽象,最好能概括全文
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/2/5 0:34:21)




你看我这样行不行  EXAMPLE和论证分开写 看上去好看一点
6#
发表于 2012-2-5 12:58:47 | 只看该作者
你的内容还是写的不错的,但你结构感觉不够合理,手段你可以多写点,多谈谈你对这个题目的复杂的理解,这样也便于读者最快掌握你的态度和立场。最后的结尾,不宜这么简单抽象,最好能概括全文
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/2/5 0:34:21)





你看我这样行不行  EXAMPLE和论证分开写 看上去好看一点恩,例子也尽量概括些,不必像讲故事那样,重点是推导,分开写可能不利于推导吧,毕竟一气呵成更有力度
-- by 会员 pswpswpsw (2012/2/5 11:43:44)

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