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现身说法:国内留学文书水平太次

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楼主
发表于 2004-8-18 13:11:00 | 只看该作者

现身说法:国内留学文书水平太次

本想偷懒和尝试一下,花200多美刀找北京一名曰bestXX的公司写篇essay.结果让我大倒胃口.越看越象用废话模板写出来的八股文,题材俗不可耐,思维不清,文笔粗糙.现奉上前半部分供大家赏读:






Which recent development, world event, or book has most influenced your thinking and why?




My love for effective business managerial and leadership thinking is not something I was born with. It took over a decade of experience and exploration to realize my passion for that area. The past ten years has been the most sensational and significant age of China's economic reform. This period witnessed the emergence of a prosperous new China, which I experienced personally and kept a close eye on, during which the occurrence and maturation of many new things in economy and management have stimulated my strong interest towards the area of business study. Especially after China joins WTO, all the industries in China will compete a lot with the foreign ones in the same arena, the most challenging obstacle that China faces is the transformation of its ineffectual business management implementations ranging from the contracting operation to modernized enterprise administration. Such mechanisms as merging and recombination that can otherwise revitalize foreign enterprises have proved to be more of a curse than a blessing for Chinese enterprises in the actual process of enterprise reform practice. Therefore, now China is in a time when all areas especially the business management field needs a large number of talents having received the systematic studies of western advanced management theories. At the bottom of my heart I understood clearly that the business management gap between Mainland China and the developed countries is not that short. Furthermore, the world of today is not the world that existed years ago--nor will it be the same tomorrow. The globalization of the 1990s wrought enormous changes in every facet of the business world, the biggest of which was introducing new variability into business relations. Companies today can now reach customers in every nation and can cut operational costs through global production and distribution systems. Meanwhile, international markets undergo constant change, intense competition, and heightened customer expectation, which make it increasingly difficult for a company to gain and maintain its competitive edge. Managers in this brave new world must therefore master a broad range of business talents. Being a young man caring about the rise and fall of my home country, I know how heavy the responsibility is and how much we have to undertake. With intense interests in business management field, I would like to ascend onto higher intellectual horizons by undertaking advanced studies in your MBA program, which will enable me to fulfill my ambition of being an outstanding expert in such a field. I hope I can contribute my knowledge and lifelong enthusiasm to the ongoing economic and management development of my homeland.







My sense of mission to contribute to the future of my motherland began ten years ago when I accepted a position at xxxx, a leading international company that aimed to expand its presence into Chinese market, as a sales representative. While doing the sales jobs, I have a lot of opportunities to observe the successful management style in xxxx that are well positioned to take advantage of the favorable situations of Chinese highly economic developmental periods under the economic globalization scenario. During my work in xxxx, I was very impressed by the superior combination of leadership, managerial, and communication skills demonstrated by the senior management in xxxx. As a result of our daily interactions, I learned a lot of important lessons and tools that had the fundamental impacts on my business effectiveness and managerial thinking as a team leader.




To begin, at xxxx, I have learned that successful managers must survey the competitive landscape and equip the companies with the strategies, structures, and personnel to compete in a constantly changing environment. In spite of the different approaches managers may choose, one thing remains constant--they must instill a commitment to globalization throughout their companies. Simple exposure to an expanded economy does not make a corporation "international." Instead, there needs to be a widespread adjustment of attitude, as well as sweeping changes in operation, to ensure a company's profitability.




The initial steps a manager under the globalization must take are twofold: He must clearly outline the challenges and opportunities of an international market, and he must address the individual talents of each employee. A successful manager will tailor his company's global strategies to suit its resources and capacities. This involves setting realistic goals without losing sight of more elevated ones. To achieve this, it is critical to match the talents and experience of each employee to the task best suited to him. For instance, a salesman in the xxxx, who excels in the United States’ market, may not possess the cultural knowledge needed to succeed in China. Different cultures, laws, and market conditions make international operation a complicated process of system engineering. An effective manager must develop working teams that have the skills necessary to interact with people throughout the world. It is therefore the duty of the manager to decide which strategies work best and to follow up with appropriate policies in international marketing, finance, and human resources. That is an ongoing task that requires continual monitoring of new advances in the business world. A manager must shape his company into a flexible organization that can learn from and respond to fast-changing environments. In a world fraught with intense competition, ideas are the ultimate asset of a successful corporation. In order to be recognized and chosen by customers, a company must be both creative and unique. A manager's responsibility thus includes stimulating new ideas and innovations that will push the company forward in the marketplace. As the global corporation, xxxx has addressed the cultural and legal differences among countries to protect corporate assets and earnings. This requires that the manager play a larger role in the company's decision-making process to develop strategies to address concerns. He must keep abreast of new resources for international marketing that arise from improvements in the marketing services industry.








[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-18 13:32:15编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2004-8-18 23:58:00 | 只看该作者

boy.

wish i could be loaded with dough like u guy.

板凳
发表于 2004-8-19 11:31:00 | 只看该作者

Funny! Ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

1, The writer must be a member of our beloved party. Ha haaaaaaaaaaa...

2, This is absolutely a baloney. Nobody can understand what it talks about.

3, This universal essay doesn't match with the topic. Ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

There are some good things, though, in this so-called essay.

a, Some single sentences are well written. But when they are put together, ... ha haaaaaaa...

b, Some fancy words are used. That's very cool.

c, There are enough words, anyways.

===> Since it is so easy to make money, I will keep my options open to this field after. Ha  haaaaaaaaaaaaa...

地板
发表于 2004-8-20 10:51:00 | 只看该作者
献身?现到哪里去了?
5#
发表于 2004-8-20 10:55:00 | 只看该作者
这个题目说的太泛了,而且的确太多Chinenglish了
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2004-8-20 11:54:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用essaywriter在2004-8-20 10:51:00的发言:
献身?现到哪里去了?


'现身说法'就是说我犯了错误落入法网后在公众面前以自身不堪回首的惨痛经历告诫大家:千万别象我一样以身试法,essay一定要自己写.

7#
发表于 2004-8-20 13:58:00 | 只看该作者
but this article does sound like a chinese person. I think that is what you want, right? you don't really want to fool americans with some perfect wordings, or do you?
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2004-8-20 14:23:00 | 只看该作者
"sound like a chinese person" is not a standard to evaluate an essay. A good article should have at least these effects: after a foreigner read it, he or she can know what kind of person you are and how deep your thought is. To achieve these effects, your essay should 1. has very clear logic so others can remember the begining part when they reach the ending part. Thus they can draw a full picture about you. 2. the topic cannot be cliche. WTO is a good thing but too many Chinese applicants used it. Unless you can write something different, it's better to avoid it because uniqueness is always important. 3. it's better to reflect something negative rather than learn something positive. this is the way to show your matureness. Otherwise it looks too simple and naive, just like a writing from primary school student.
9#
发表于 2004-8-21 10:21:00 | 只看该作者

写这个文章的人可能给本科生出国留学写多了。

缺乏必要的COMMONS SENSE,真是好笑。

不过楼主怎么会找这样的中介帮你写?

在订购服务之前,你也应该通过交流,能够获知其水平大概啊。

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