Issue 4, 拍拍拍拍拍怕！！！

fanfan3200 · 发表于 2012-1-31 05:54:29

Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

I think educational institutions have a responsibility to inform students the trends of development in every field, rather than dissuade students from pursuing fields in which they may not succeed. Below are the three reasons to support my stance on this issue.

At the beginning, educational institutions cannot determine which fields will definitely be successful or unsuccessful for the students. Along with the rapid development of modern society, some fields which were successful in the past may not thrive today. Also some fields which are not popular now may be very lucrative in the future. Take biology for example, many students whose major was related to biology attained a job easily in the past decades. While the job market for biologists now is not as optimistic as before, it does not necessarily mean that it will continue to decline in the future. Therefore, educational institutions may not be able to easily distinguish whether a given field is successful or not because of the ever-changing world.

In addition, those fields that may appear to be unsuccessful for a student should not be automatically excluded. If educational institutions persuade all students to forsake the seemingly challenging fields, they would also make students abandon the possibility of successful domains. As is universally known, Einstein did not show his physics talent at an early age, and his teachers even described him as a “stupid” student. At that time, if the school dissuaded him from studying physics because the teachers thought he was unlikely to succeed, we would not be able to enjoy his astounding achievement in science.

Finally, although it is not a duty for educational institutions to persuade students to give up the majors in which they think students will not be successful, it is necessary for them to provide students with some guidance. After all, compared to the novice students, the educators are more experienced in predicting the marketability. They should educate students about every field’s fundamental requirements, job opportunities, and challenges which the students may encounter. Educational institutions should also encourage students to follow their passions and choose a field in which they are adept.

In conclusion, educational institutions should not dissuade students from seeking fields of study in which they seem unlikely to succeed. Instead, they are responsible to guide students to select the most appropriate and satisfying major in which they may succeed in the future.

jz20000cn · 发表于 2012-1-31 11:30:25

理由简单清晰，通俗易懂，写作文就应该这样。第一个理由里面可以加一个，就是要是让学生都去学很火的领域，那么那个领域的人才就会过剩，那么很多人就没有前途了。

fanfan3200 · 发表于 2012-1-31 11:38:03

恩，谢谢楼上的建议！

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-31 21:30:04

First of all I'd like to say I really liked it! I enjoyed reading it and seeing your perspective on the subject

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-31 21:53:16

Now lets see if I can give some helpful advice...

1. To begin with, -rather than- At the beginning,
2. Take biology for instance, in the past decades many students whose major was related to biology attained a job easily. -rather than- Take biology for example, many students whose major was related to biology attained a job easily in the past decades.
3. given field is >going to be< successful or not because of the ever-changing world.
4. If educational institutions dissuade all students from pursuing the seemingly challenging fields, -rather than- If educational institutions persuade all students to forsake the seemingly challenging fields,
5. they would also make students abandon the possibility of successful careers. -rather than- they would also make students abandon the possibility of successful domains.
6. As it is universally known, Einstein did not show his talent for physics at an early age, and his teachers even described him as a stupid student. -rather than- As is universally known, Einstein did not show his physics talent at an early age, and his teachers even described him as a “stupid” student. 7. his astounding achievement(s) in science.
8. Finally, although it is not the duty of educational institutions to dissuade students from pursuing majors in which they think students will not be successful, -rather than- Finally, although it is not a duty for educational institutions to persuade students to give up the majors in which they think students will not be successful,
9. the educators are more experienced in predicting the marketability (insert, OF A CAREER or just write, in predicting the market).
10. requirements, job opportunities and challenges -rather than- requirements, job opportunities, and challenges
11. students from seeking (pursuing) fields of study in which they seem unlikely to succeed.

fanfan3200 · 发表于 2012-2-1 04:56:48

Hi, Luke, thanks for your help! I have a question about synonymous substitution. I noticed that you suggested me maintain the original words or sentences as the topic mentioned, like 4, 8, 11 above. Do you think it is better to use the original words? Or is it that I use the inappropriate words to replace them? Thanks.

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-2-1 12:00:18

I write it that way so you can compare the change I made to your original, usually I just put in words that might be more appropriate. If you feel like something doesn't sound right after you write it than just try hard to think of other ways to express your meaning, if you don't catch them all I'll mention them in the same way I did above. Then you just replace the original word with the one in parenthesis or use the whole sentence I corrected as is the case in 4 and 8. When I use >< I just mean to insert the words in between.

[作文互改] Issue 4, 拍拍拍拍拍怕！！！

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[作文互改] Issue 4, 拍拍拍拍拍怕 ！！！

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[作文互改] Issue 4, 拍拍拍拍拍怕！！！