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后天就要考了,再发一篇给大家过目过目,能否请大家根据经验给个大概分数?Thx heaps!

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楼主
发表于 2012-1-10 17:37:20 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
17. Formal Education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
[Type 1]




It is seemed undoubtable for everyone to join the formal education system and recieve a systematic education in
the present age. While it is argued that the formal education system may pose a negative impact on students' minds
and spirit. From my perspective, it is the educational methodology that matters the thinking of students, rather
than the formal education system itself.




Admittedly, formal education provides discipline and limitation to students, which is possible to restrain
the minds and spirits of students. In a mature educational system, especially for those with national curriculum,
the selections of subjects for students are very little. For instance, in Chinese high schools, most students
who would like to attend colleges have to take 3 compulsory subjects and another 2 subjects from 5 choices. Under
this system which college entrance is based on examinations only, schools would only care about the rate of college
entrance and might pay little attention to the creativity and the ability of critical thinking. Meanwhile, for
countries do not using national curriculum, the minds of students also seem to be circumscribed. As every school
are comprised of groups of students and staff, students have to obey to disciplines in order for the schools to
run properly. Therefore, from this view, formal education may limit the thinking of students.


However, formal education provides students professional education quality and infrastructure, therefore schools
and colleges could also provide positive impact on them when they are pursueing their dreams. For those who are
self-learning, it would be extremely difficult for them to carry out an experiment or a proper research to prove
their hypothesis as they lack the materials and equipments to do so. Meanwhile, without the supervision of
professionals, the efficiency of learning new knowledge would be seriously reduced. Therefore, without the possession of effective
knowledge, the creative ideas are mostly not functional or totally mistaken.  


The choice of attending formal education or home tutoring does not actually matter the freeing
of minds and spirits. It is, instead, the educational method that determines the minds of students. If schools have
taken enough care on nurturing creativity and analytic skills, the minds and spirits of students could still well
be protected. For instance, by running courses such as creative literature writing, debating, or thesis researching
could all provide positive influence on freeing the minds of students. Additionally, by comparing those countries which are
already taken sufficient actions on these aspects, say, the USA; and the countries such as China which lack the
training of critical thinking and innovations in their education system, great difference in their scientific
research achievements could be acknowledged. Even though China has more than 6 times the population than the USA,
there is not yet any Chinese who have won a Nobel Prize in terms of science subjects, while the Americans are
dominating the Nobel Prize winner list yet.


In sum, despite there has some minor impact of formal education system on the minds and spirit refrainment to
students, the importance of providing formal education system to the younger generation is not negligible. In fact,
by offering effective and quality educational methods, the ability of creativity and critical thinking could still
be ensured.
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沙发
发表于 2012-1-10 17:38:58 | 只看该作者
4-4.5分。
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-1-10 17:44:51 | 只看该作者
多谢普渡哥,请问有哪些可以提高的地方么?
地板
发表于 2012-1-10 17:54:43 | 只看该作者
辛苦普渡哥啦
5#
发表于 2012-1-10 18:30:04 | 只看该作者
中国学生最让美国人欣赏的地方是中国的教育塑造出来的基本功,数学基本功很重要。这些事美国人比不了的。
6#
发表于 2012-1-10 18:31:24 | 只看该作者
我觉得就是上了考场不要紧张,这篇写得很好了。
千万要注意论据,这是拿高分的关键。不要拿到题目就写,想一想。
这篇是挺好的。希望听到你的好消息:)
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-1-10 18:37:55 | 只看该作者
多谢普渡哥给我信心!
8#
发表于 2012-1-10 19:10:13 | 只看该作者
加油!你是最棒的!
9#
发表于 2012-1-10 20:24:46 | 只看该作者
Great subject! I might not agree with you on all aspects but you chose a very thought provoking subject. One real quick note, in the USA high school students that have been home schooled tend to score higher on standardized tests and be more creative, statistically that is.

So I would say the following paragraph is void:

"However, formal education provides students professional education quality and infrastructure, therefore schools
and colleges could also provide positive impact on them when they are pursueing their dreams. For those who are
self-learning, it would be extremely difficult for them to carry out an experiment or a proper research to prove
their hypothesis as they lack the materials and equipments to do so. Meanwhile, without the supervision of
professionals, the efficiency of learning new knowledge would be seriously reduced. Therefore, without the possession of effective
knowledge, the creative ideas are mostly not functional or totally mistaken."
10#
发表于 2012-1-10 20:28:46 | 只看该作者
"From my perspective, it is the educational methodology that matters the thinking of students, rather
than the formal education system itself."

You might want to rephrase that because "that matters the thinking of students" doesn't make sense...
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