求批改 issue

gemyang · 发表于 2011-12-7 11:41:46

It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

Is it more harmful to compromise one’s own beliefs than to adhere to them, as the speaker asserts? It goes without say that it is vital for a person or a community to have his or her own beliefs since the belief and play an tremendous important role in guiding an individual to get his goal and to ensure the whole society has a relevant high level of moral and ethnic standard. I fundamentally agree this claim, but I caution that if this go far will lead to a counterproductive effect.

Admittedly, it goes without saying the importance of the beliefs as to either the individual or the whole society, it is vital for the individual have a belief and also the passion to insistent his own belief. A apt illustration of this point involves the famous scientist ,who is called “the father of the Chinese astronomy”, Qianxuesheng, who in his early age studied in the US, when the China foundered, he gave up the good environment of the US government and returned to China by made every possible endeavor, it is just the belief that the China is his home but not the other place even though China is a poor country.Another example is not difficult to seek, the father of the hybrid rice, Yuanlongping, not a long time ago, his research group and his students have make a breakthrough in the yield of the hybrid rice, he has set a goal for him that the rice yielding must reach 1000 kg per acre when he is at his 90 years old. Most of us will question that what is the catalyst that stimulates this old Chinese scientist to devote his all life to this research field? I will tell you it is the passion to the science and the determination for breakthrough himself that contributes to the scientists to devotee his all life into the science. Someone would ask that the belief has so huge strength for a man to reach his goal, the answer is yes, consider, if these scientists have no strong belief in what he think the value is deserved it is utterly impossible to get so incredible achievements.

Moreover, we can also take the Stephen Hawking as an vivid example, who is the most famous scientist in the contemporary time whose reputation can compete with the Einstein.Although he is a disabled person, and cannot speak any words or talk with a person, and there are only three fingers can move which is the last but most important way for him to communicate with the outsider world. But he has s strong belief that the universe is bigger than what we ever thought. He always believe that there is the possibility that space has other kind of formation of the lives even there is the highly possible that the aliens are also has the possibility of existence. In 1988, he published a famous book called the “brief history of the time”, what renders this scientist to insistent his passion and his dream, the answer is not other but the adherence to his belief.

However, If someone is intransigent and obdurate to his belief to extreme, the result is dramatically detrimental to his own career and the whole life,. The requisite of the adherence is base on the premise what he or she adhere is a accessible and scientific and rational, to a extant, it must be not detrimental to the others and will not obey the moral standard. If damage anyone of these requisites, the result is inconceivable ,, a apt illustration of this point involves the Newton, although he achieved myriad of successful achievement, but in his later years , he devoted most his passion and energy to study the God, the result is obvious that he achieved nothing but regret, from this example, we can conclude that what somebody adheres should be rational and accessible , only in this way can they reach a higher stage.

In the final analysis , the claim should be contingent on a case-by-case analysis of the two situations, if the goal and belief is rational and inevitably beneficial to the individual and the whole community ,it is undoubted to adhere to these kind of belief, or we should give up or compromise these beliefs.

yuandefeiyi · 发表于 2011-12-7 12:01:41

"If damage anyone of these requisites, the result is inconceivable ,, a apt illustration of this point involves the Newton, although he achieved myriad of successful achievement, but in his later years , he devoted most his passion and energy to study the God, "
感觉这个例子不太好。你开始说如果会damage anyone，但是你在句子的后半部分并没有说Newton damage anyone。

gemyang · 发表于 2011-12-7 13:41:21

我是觉得他后半部分都把时间研究在上帝上，这对他本人还是对整个科技界都是损失，不然他又可能有更重要的成就造福人类。
还有你是不是那个说issue instruction的那位？我们讨论下可以。我的Q476763419

普渡哥 · 发表于 2011-12-10 07:09:36

It goes without saying that it is vital for a person or a community to have his or her own beliefs since the belief and play an tremendous important role in guiding an individual to get his goal and to ensure the whole society has a relevant high level of moral and ethnic standard.

很好的长句，除了把say改称saying.

普渡哥 · 发表于 2011-12-10 07:11:45

我觉得这篇写得很好。唯一需要提醒的是，你用了钱学森的例子，而钱学森在美国人眼里是个间谍。。。。
而你的作文不是中国人改，而是美国人改。。。。

gemyang · 发表于 2011-12-10 09:38:23

It goes without saying that it is vital for a person or a community to have his or her own beliefs since the beliefs play an tremendously important role in guiding an individual to get his goal and ensuring the whole society has a relevant high level of moral and ethnic standard.

这样改下就比较完美了，但是写的很急，没注意那么多。

普渡哥 · 发表于 2011-12-10 09:39:58

已经很好了。你的英文非常好。我觉得作文主要是逻辑，你的英语水平足够拿高分了。

ppguo · 发表于 2011-12-10 10:20:25

要注意一下动词的用法：It goes without say that it ...... saying is more proper
I caution that if this go far will lead .... We should be careful because this may lead to ......
the passion to insistent his own belief. ............ insistent is not right, should use a verb.

我想到的一个小提纲：如果个人的信念与普世的道德观没有冲突，可以坚持；但是如果对社会有害，就应该改变。反面的例子有希特勒。

[作文互改] 求批改 issue

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