习作一篇TWE001，求指导，谢谢！

estilada · 发表于 2010-11-4 12:16:54

1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Education is one of the key words of our time. Why, you may wonder, do people attend college or university? There are plenty of reasons, among which increased knowledge, career preparation and new experiences are three primary reasons. I would like to talk about the three reasons as following:

Firstly, university study contributes to increase people’s knowledge. As we know, the knowledge taught in university is more in depth than that taught in the high school. For example, the high school usually teaches only elementary mathematics, while the university provides courses of advanced mathematics. Moreover, the university devotes itself into building a way of critical thinking, which enables students to look both sides of an argument and decide what to believe or to do when they are facing plenty information or choices. And this way of thinking enhances people’s ability to learn.

Secondly, career preparation is also a fairly good reason. The university provides a variety of career-related courses, such as the 150-credit accounting /auditing related courses for accounting major students. Those intensive courses are necessary preparation for students’ future career. As for me, I am not major in accounting, but I am currently working in an auditing firm. Although the firm has provided a wide range of on-job training, the lack of a systematic accounting knowledge still drags on my further promotion. In addition, statistical report has proven that people with higher education background usually perform better in their work.

Thirdly, to gain new experience is the reason why people want to go to university. People will receive teaching method different from that of high school, meet all kinds of friends, and participate lots student’s societies. All the above experience are quite interesting and attractive, and can help people broaden their horizon. Take myself as an example, I went to a foreign university, therefore during my university life, I met lots of foreign friends, and traveled around that country. The cross-cultural experience is a valuable memory of mine.

To conclude, to increase knowledge, better prepare for future career, and gain new experience are the three primary factors for people to attend college or university.

我实在不大会写结尾。。

estilada · 发表于 2010-11-4 14:33:30

我自己又改了两遍，可是实在想不出来还要怎样了。。。请指导下，多谢～～

happyself · 发表于 2010-12-12 01:36:54

contributes to increase 语法错~
主题句不突出，没有凸显University和reason的关系。要突出一点。
而且说实话，三段之间的转折或者说联系不明显，你可以考虑用让步、递进之类的关系词。
末尾写得和第一段没区别。而且不建议用这种主语重于尾巴的头尾失衡的句子。看起来很累。结尾可以说很多废话的。把各个部分的话再挑出来换种方式总结一次。
如果我没有猜错，lz看过一篇类似的文章模仿着写的？感觉内容似曾相识
不具有参考性。我只是班门弄斧而已

maxfan · 发表于 2010-12-17 04:51:18

Here are some additional words you might want to say.

What's the difference between college and high school? You will declare a major in college, eventually, you will chose your career in college. College is a place where you put your dream into reality. None of these that you can accomplish in high school.

For example, you are currently working at a auditing firm, you have college degree, will your firm hire a high school graduate? Obviously not, that's why college.

(I don't know what you trying to say in the THIRD reasoning... but) A college is a small unique society. As a part of the society, students build up their own networks, make own friends and choose own lifestyles. College provides a ground of freedom, freedom for speech and assemble, which demonstrating adulthood inside this limited society. Although the college society is much simplified and less complex than the real world, it prepares the students to face the challenge and competition from outside. Thus, I will say the college is a premium step of our lifetime experience. That's why we took it and enjoy it.

That's all my opinion and good luck.

maxfan · 发表于 2010-12-17 05:17:19

Oh, you asked about closing... tough

In conclusion, a college is not only a place for study, it's a place for higher education, a important step in one's life, a tremendous experience as a young adult. I believe the best investment in one's lifetime is education, among them, the college education has the highest potential of yield return - knowledge changes your life.

I don't think you will have a lot of time to figure out a perfect ending. At least, just make a summary about what you said.

习作一篇TWE001，求指导，谢谢！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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