写了第一篇，请大家帮忙看看。（Why people go to college&university）

cyberalien · 发表于 2010-6-12 15:54:17

In my opinion, young people go to university and college for various reasons. Here I will list several most important reasons:
1, College and university offer systematic education to students. Students can learn a lot there. Not just students will learn some basic and normal knowledge like math but also they will develop their talent. Professors and tutors in college and university can guide students to find out their interest and potential. Students also can get a broader vision in college because they interactive with different kinds of talented people and experts and they received various type of information either from their daily education or from guests who come to college and university to give speeches. For instance, Bill Gates, the founder of Micro Soft, came to Harvard to learn law but he later found out the opportunity in personal computer in Harvard. He then created Microsoft. Social network company Facebook’s founder also developed the initial version of Facebook in their dormitory in Harverd which turns out to be the world largest social networking website.
2, Actually, out society doesn’t have a criteria or standard to judge a person’s level of skills and knowledge. So for employers, education and score in college and university can be good indicators to evaluate candidates’ skills and knowledge level, especially candidates without any work experience. For example, employers require that job applicants of engineering and doctors and lawyers must have corresponding degree. The realty certainly leads the young men who want to be a professional to go to college and university.
3, College and university also sometimes offer tuition, fellowship or scholarship to students who can’t afford the education expense or can’t get the education individually.
4, Some young people do not have a mature thought or regular behavior and their parents might not have enough time and energy to teach them or might not know how to guide them. But professors and teachers in college and university who are usually mature and models of behavior can teach and guide the young people. Actually, we offer read news in the newspaper about young people who don’t get formal education commit or are seduced by bad persons to commit some criminal behavior.

Above are several reasons why I think people should go to college and university. Although, I have to admit that some genius who do not received education in college and university made huge success, but these people are either some special talent or wised opportunity capturer. But for most normal people, go to college and university is necessary for the future.

maxfan · 发表于 2010-6-18 01:45:03

1st paragraph: Good point and argument. Going to college is a development for one’s expertise for future career. In another word, it is the beginning of one’s career path.
However, Bill Gates quit the school to pursue a business opportunity which weakening your argument.

2nd paragraph: I think you are trying to say that “A professional position/job requires at least 4-year-college degree (Bachelor Degree)”. Our society… to judge one’s skill… is awkward. There are many examples: CFA requires at least Bachelor to be seated in the exam. Almost all accounting job requires at least 30 credit hours in college accounting, etc.

3rd paragraph: this is off the topic, no related to the argument.

4th paragraph: you switched your point of view from a writer to an “educator” which is confusing and awkward. You talked about what “you can teach those younglings” not what “younglings can learn from the college” The whole composition should be consistent. However, this is only my own opinion.

Overall, I think you have a pretty good starting. All arguments should be around “Why college?” or “Why not?” Going to college is for not only the glory to the family but a better job, better future and better life. You need to convince yourself before the audience. Why you taking TOEFL? Why college? College is a dream, a bridge to your dream job, your future. As I said, it’s just my personal opinion.

cyberalien · 发表于 2010-6-18 12:00:11

Many thanks!

strawberry99 · 发表于 2010-6-28 15:31:59

Tony教授修改 (Tony教授的英语教室 www.tonyjiaoshou.com )

Why people go to college or university

In my opinion, young people go to university and college for various reasons. Here I will list several most important reasons:

1, (First of all) Colleges and universities offer systematic education to students. Students can learn a lot there. Not just students will learn (Students will not only lean) some basic and normal knowledge like math but also they will develop their talent (talents). Professors and tutors in colleges and university (universities) can guide students to find out their interests and potentials. Students also can get a broader vision in college because they interactive (interact) with different kinds of talented people and experts and they received various type (types) of information either from their daily education or from guests who come to college and university to give speeches. For instance, Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, came to Harvard to learn law but he later found out the opportunity in personal computer in Harvard. He then created Microsoft. Social network company Facebook’s founder also developed the initial version of Facebook in their dormitory in Harvard which turned out to be the world largest social networking website.

2, (Secondly,) actually, out (our) society doesn’t have a criteria or standard to judge a person’s level of skills and knowledge. So for employers, education and score in college and university can be good indicators to evaluate candidates’ skills and knowledge level, especially candidates without any working experience.For example, employers require that job applicants of engineering, doctors and lawyers must have corresponding degrees.The realty (reality) certainly leads the young men who want to be a professional to go to college and university.

3, (Moreover, colleges and universities) College and university also sometimes offer tuitions, fellowship or scholarship to students who can’t afford the education expenses or can’t get the education individually.

Some young people do not have a mature thought or regular behavior and their parents might not have enough time and energy to teach them or might not know how to guide them. But professors and teachers in college and university who are usually mature and models of behavior can teach and guide the young people. Actually, we offer (often read about) read news in the newspaper about young people who don’t get formal education commit or are seduced by bad persons to commit some criminal behavior (behaviours).

Above are several reasons why I think people should go to college and university. Although, I have to admit that some geniuses who do not received (receive) education in college and university made huge success, but these people are either some special talents or wised opportunity capturer???. But for most normal people, to go to college and university is necessary for the future.

Should improve the sentence structure. Be careful with the spellings.

Rating: 3

Tony教授修改 (Tony教授的英语教室 www.tonyjiaoshou.com)

写了第一篇，请大家帮忙看看。（Why people go to college&university）

Why people go to college or university?

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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