我的作文 还有一些看法 大家指导修改一下

今天看了一些模板，感觉好多模板套用的话太生硬了。所以按自己的写作习惯写了第一篇作文，感觉不够紧凑 还有就是太短 请大家指正一下哪些地方可以改进。thx to everyone!

63的aurgument:

63. The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.

“The Cumquat Café made a mistake in moving to a new location. After one year at the new spot, it is doing about the same volume of business as before, but the owners of the RoboWrench plumbing supply wholesale outlet that took over its old location are apparently doing better: RoboWrench is planning to open a store in a neighboring city.”

The author of the argument claims that it is unadvisable for Cumquat Cafe changing its location.the basis for this recommendation is the comparison of  the RoboWrench at the old location:RoboWrench in the old location seemd to have a better wholesale for it is planing to open a store in a neighboring city.This assertion is short of convincing power,however,because there are no additional evidences showing the two shop are familiar in size,burget,plan and so on.More over,it fails to prove the relationship between satisfactoy sales and more stores.The argument is faulty in several respects.

The major problem with this argument is that it draws a conclusion by over-generalizing from a specific piece  of evidence.It ignores the diffrences between the two stores.the RoboWrench may be larger than the Cumquat Cafe so it can open extra stores in another location.And the two stores may have diffrent plans for future:the Cumquat prefers to focous their burget on advanced customers,which needs high-investigation,while the Robo increase their sales on expansion of their market.All of these leads to the result of the surevy.So it is not convincing for only a piece of eceptive evidence.

Another problem that weakens the argument is that the author mistakes a correlation between high-sales and opening more stores.Opening a new store maybe increase the wholesales of the company,but it is the reason of increased sales,ont the result.In the survey,the RoboWrench may be low in sales,to fill the gap of the return,they are foreced to open another store.So as a evidence, it can not only surport the author's positon,but give a perfect uphold for the arguer.

Before coming to a conclusion,it is necessary for me to point out another flaw of the argument.Even if the evidence are convincing as the author wishes,we canot guarantee that the Cumquat made a bad decision.The key Factor to judge the sotres' management is the profit, not sales.Compared to Cumquat,the Robo may be superub in sales,but poor in gains.In this way,we had to say Cumquat made a good choice.

in conclusion,the author's evidence lends little support to his claims.To persuade me that the Cumquat Cafe made a mistake opening their store in a enw location,the author wuold need to provide clear evidence that the two shops are comparable.finally,to better evaluate the auehor's claim we need more information about the profit of the two shops as well as the other alternative fators of the location.