今天刚写的作文…………求拍

agree or disagree：Extended family is not as important as it was in the past.6 C0

When young generations decide to marry, the very first problem they have to make a decision is that whether or not they will live with their parents. And to most of the young couples the answer to this question is definitely NO! As a consequence, it seems that the extended family is not as essential as it was in the past time, and at the same time ushers in an exciting new era of the nuclear family. In my opinion, however, the popularity of the nuclear family does not mean that the extended family has been buried in oblivion, especially in China, such a traditional country.

My reasons are as follows.

It is true that the popularity of the nuclear family is the symbol of the modern society, as well as the more and more cutthroat competition. Even if we still live with our relatives, the extended family has lost its true meanings. Hardly can we image that while the overtime is a kind of use and wont, everyday we still can have dinner together with our grandparents, as well as our uncles and aunts. Sometimes, when we get home, they have slept soundly, and the next day, when they get up, we have already gone. On the other hand, nuclear family seems more convenient for such a fast changing society, because the young always yearn towards moving around, while the old want to stay in one place and have the harmonious relationship with others.

However, the situation of the extended family in nowadays society does not mean that it plays a less and less essential role in people live. When the important celebrates comes, most of us, Chinese, will choose to go to our hometown and to attend our extended family dinner party. Sharing the recently happened stories with our grandparents, sharing the laughs and tears with our relatives, also sharing the thoughts and ideas about life with our family, hardly can we get the conclusion that the extended family signify little in today’s society. Since for most of us, the importance of the extended family is at the bottom of our heart, not just limited to the expression, because the love among the family members will never fade when the time goes by.

At last, we can come to a safe conclusion that the extended family will never become less and less important because, there is always a position for it in our heart.

自己觉得不怎么符合ETS的要求…………希望大家给点意见

你的文章逻辑不清晰,至少不便于人理解

再加上一些语法和标点实用的错误

When young
generations decide to marry, the very first problem they have to make a
decision(用face/cope with/tackle) is that
whether or not they will live with their parents(to
live with parents or not.还有就是,这个问题不是在所有国家都存在的,所以你可以加一个in our
country作为限定). And to most of the young couples the answer to this
question is definitely NO! As a consequence, it seems that the extended family
is not as essential as it was in the past time. And
at the same time ushers(what ushers?没有主语.通常情况下,usher的意思是sb
show sb somewhere.所以这里用可能不太恰当) in an exciting new era of the nuclear
family. In my opinion, however, the popularity(这里可以用prevalence) of the nuclear
family does not mean(never means) that
the extended family has been buried in oblivion, especially in China, such a
traditional country.
        My
reasons are as follows:

It is true that
the popularity of the nuclear family is the symbol of the modern society, as
well as the more and more cutthroat competition(what
competition? And what is the relationship between competition and nuclear
family?). Even if we still live with our relatives, the extended family
has lost its true meanings. Hardly can we image that while the overtime is a
kind of use and wont, everyday(everyday连在一起是一个形容词,意思是日常的,这里应该分开为every day) we still can have dinner together with our grandparents,
as well as our uncles and aunts. Sometimes, when we get home, they have slept
soundly. And (完整结构的句子之间是不可以用逗号连接的,用and的话就不用逗号)the next day, when they get up, we have already gone(gone to work). On the other hand, nuclear family
seems more convenient for such a fast changing society, because the young
always yearn towards moving around while the old
want to stay in one place and have the harmonious relationship with others.

However, the
situation of the extended family in nowadays society does not mean that it
plays a less and less essential role in people’s lives.
When the important celebrates(应该是名词:celebrations) comes, most of us Chinese, will choose to go to our hometown
and to attend our extended family dinner
party. Sharing the recently happened stories with our grandparents, sharing the
laughs and tears with our relatives, also sharing the thoughts and ideas about
life with our family, hardly can we get the conclusion that the extended family
signify little in today’s society(这个句子可能有语法问题.). Since for most of us, the importance of the extended family is at the
bottom of our heart, not just limited to the expression, because the love among
the family members will never fade when the time goes by.

At last, we can
come to a safe conclusion that the extended family will never become less and
less important because, there is always a position for it in our heart.

Sharing the recently happened stories with our grandparents, sharing the laughs and tears with our relatives, also sharing the thoughts and ideas about life with our family, hardly can we get the conclusion that the extended family signify little in today’s society(这个句子可能有语法问题.).

可以修改为

The experiences of discussing lastest events with our grandparents, tasting bitterness and sweetness with our relatives, and sharing the wisdom about life with our families evidence that extended families are still significant in contemporary society.