第一次写,烦劳德克老师帮忙修改一下,谢谢~

Topic5: A company has announced that it wishes to build a large
factory near your community.Discuss the advantages and disadvantages
of this new influence on your community.Do you support or oppose
the factory?Explain your position.

Contents:
There is a growing concern over the issue whether a factory is to be
built in our community,which being a controversial topic,resulting
from neighbors with different standpoints and stances.As far as I am
concerned, since the advantages of this influence clearly outweigh
the disadvanges, I'm inclined to endorse that a factory should be set
up near our community for the following reasons.

Foremost,to build a factory could in a large sense help to increase the
rate of employment due to the great need for working force.Not only can
it provide jobs for university students in the neighborhood,as there
are quite a lot here,but can mushroom the economic development in the
region as well. A case in point,the young man living in the flat next
to me has just graduated from college, day-and-night anxious about his
prospect,for whom my plan could be tailored for,in that he might have
access to a good position in the company which is not a distance away
from his abode. How perfect! Meanwhile, shopping malls will be projected
in the estate to meet the needs of the large throng of people coming
everyday for work,thus the economic grows.

Another point worth concerning is that transportation will be improved
in a large scale by the government to mitigate workers' daily commuting.
In particular,subway or lightrail,which would connect the neighborhood
directly with downtown, so that the time we spend on the journey can be
greatly reduced.For a high school student like me,may especially benefit
from the convenience since we don't have to get up very early to squeeze
into the bus;when the school is over, we no more need to transfer several
means of transport to reach our destination.It sounds extremly exciting,
because we could spare the time we originally spent on the way home and
it does alleviate weariness after a whole day of study. 

Concession granted,to build a factory may cause some insecure factors and
challenge latent threatens,and yet public security is believed to be
strengthened by the authorities.Plus,pollution is also one problem that
cannot be neglected.However,to take account of the profound benefits we
will share with the establishment of the factory, these disadvantages seem
indeed minor and can be precautioned by imposing strict environmental
standards.

To sum up,it is understandable that people hardly arrive at the same
conclusion on the controversial issue.However,concerning all the dimensions
discussed above could be the first step out of the dilemma.

因为看过几个摸版,似乎写完以后觉得摸版的痕迹过于明显.

请问,是否会对评分造成比较大的影响?并请给晚生些意见,谢谢!