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[求助] 刚写好一篇,请德克的猪与大家帮忙啊。

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楼主
发表于 2007-8-30 06:19:00 | 只看该作者

[求助] 刚写好一篇,请德克的猪与大家帮忙啊。


49 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better
than other types of communication, such as letters, email, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons
and details to support your answer.

 
With the advent of many high technology, our communications have become never easier. We have mass ways to reach for others: through letters, telephone  calls, and e-mails. While we are enjoying the convenience the technology has brought us,  some people cast doubt on them. Has it really become more convenient for us? I believe communication cannot bedone without conveying personal thoughts, and many of these advanced technology has become obstacles for us to communicate.
  Face-to-face talking is the best way for people to communicate their ideas and to convey their thoughts. Seeing each other personally gives one the feeling of truth. This kind of feeling is compulsary, especially within conversations. Personally, I dislike making phone calls quite much, some times people on the other side of the line may think you are making prank calls because I accidentally pressed the wrong button; moreover, it's sometimes annoying to make a voice message since I feel quite awkward: talking to nobody. But talking with other people vis-a-vis is another story. I feel more confident and comfortable when I can see the people I am talking to, at least I could see some responces. Think about a business meeting for a moment, every representitives should present, right? Isn't it really absurd if many of them are communicating through a video cable?
  Another aspect of talking to people face to face is that it's more effective. I sometimes see people hear audios from seminars to do some psychological adjustments or other treatments, the consequence is they rarely get the result. They don't see the doctors, hence the doctors are not able to give out correct respondence for that very people. They could and only get the general treatment, which may have little impact on them. People who are too busy to see their doctors are using this method and they hardly are making any improvments. Many other patients may contact with their doctors through phones or e-mail; still, that does not work out well, either. Some steps or procedures cannot be narrated, and people sometimes just want to know about one specific point.
  Admittedly, the advance of high-tech products sure are providing us with help and convenience; however, communicatin with the basic type is still the best way for us and always.

  字数:397还是379 来着,反正是过了300 了。

写得凑合吧,反正写总比不写好哈。

 

沙发
发表于 2007-9-6 18:55:00 | 只看该作者
语法错误太多,但是文章不错
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-9-7 08:43:00 | 只看该作者

那我得问问leroyshi兄弟。你能不能说话清楚一些阿。你知道,自己看很难看出来错啊,你能指正当然最好了。能不能说明白一些?好像太笼统了阿。这评论也。。

地板
发表于 2007-9-10 13:47:00 | 只看该作者

作者: lifeiteng
49 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better
than other types of communication, such as letters, email, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons
and details to support your answer.


            
With the advent of many high technology, our communications have become never easier.
Our communication have become never easier relying on the distinctive advantage of the high technology, 在开头最好不要用with结构,因为有很多中国学生用) We have mass ways to reach forcontact others: through letters, telephone  calls, and(as well as) e-mails. While we are enjoying the convenience the technology has brought us,  some people cast doubt on them.(这里可以用一个倒装句制造兴奋点: there comes the dubious voices from the general public) Has it really become more convenient for us? I believe communication cannot bedone without conveying personal thoughts, and many of these advanced technology has become obstacles for us to communicate.(最后一句话要进行替换,不要太46级化:From a more personal than a general perspective, I would argue that conveying personal thoughts is, to some extent, imperative for our daily communication. And many of these advanced technology are likely to invade the communication of our daily lives)
  Face-to-face talking is the best way for people to communicate their ideas and to convey their thoughts
.(这里可以再添加一些副词或短语,一是从量上提高作文质量,二是可以体现你用词的功底:Face-to-face communication exists as the best way….. at least it seems to me) Seeing each other personally gives one the feeling of truth.(这句话有点纠结,你肯定有the feeling of truth的表达方式吗?我建议改成下面这个句子:Face-to-face communication enable us to enjoy taliking with others vividly, which creates a feeling of pleasure in our minds spontaneously) This kind of feeling is compulsary, especially within conversations. Personally, I dislike making phone calls quite much, some times people on the other side of the line may think you are making prank calls because I accidentally pressed the wrong button; moreover, it's sometimes annoying to make a voice message since I feel quite awkward: talking to nobody. But talking with other people vis-a-vis is another story. I feel more confident and comfortable when I can see the people I am talking to, at least I could see some responces. Think about a business meeting for a moment, every representitives should present, right? Isn't it really absurd if many of them are communicating through a video cable?
  Another aspect of talking to people face to face is that it's more effective.
(这里的过度有点生硬,建议:the merit of high effeciency that the face-to-face communication boasts presents its characteristic in an alternative way) I sometimes see people hear audios from seminars to do some psychological adjustments or other treatments, the consequence is they rarely get the result. They don't see the doctors, hence(用的很好,类似的小词还有yet, thus, plus等等) the doctors are not able to give out(work out) correct respondence for that very people. They could and only get the general treatment, which may have little impact on them. People who are too busy to see their doctors are using this method and they hardly are making any improvments.(一般将助动次放在hardly之前,这点注意) Many other patients may contact with their doctors through phones or e-mail; still, that does not work out well, either. Some steps or procedures cannot be narrated, and people sometimes just want to know about one specific point.
  Admittedly, the advance of high-tech products sure are providing us with help and convenience; however, communicatin with the basic type is still the best way for us and always.

文章理由给得不错,但行文的语言还要进一步锤炼. 还有在真实的托福考试中顶格写的模式段与段之间都要空一行,这个细节一定要注意。很多地方我没有批改得太完善,望见谅。

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