8 17作文求拍

麻烦大家了！！

Agree or disagree that nowadays people are too much emphasized on appearance and fashion?

“With fake Gucci and Dior bags in their hands, young girls seem so pretty and charming” When all advertises are implying this message, this generation's mind is captured by fashion industry. Though fashion seems so complicated and fascinating, but the core of this business is simple -to give a hand bag the price of a new car, and persuade someone to buy it happily. Fortunately, lots of people found the truth beneath the disguise, so they argued that we too much emphasized on superficial appearance and fashion. However, I do not agree with them, because it is not this young generation that should be blamed. Desperately catching the fashion is not only because we are trying to show off, this trend is created by a couple of factors' mutual influence.

The first and foremost, the power of advertise is so overwhelming. Since we the time we were born, the everyday impression of those movie and television stars had significantly changed our value of the world. The meaning of handsome is simplified into pretty, especially after Paris Hilton became a star on television, those stupid behaviors and garish clothes were widely accepted by our naive kids. Therefore, those television companies, drove by the lust for profile, should be blamed for creating a trend to allure this generation into the chase for peripheral luster.

What is more, the prejudice in business field is also one of the factors that had contributed to the pursuing for fashion. According to a book written by a office lady who have rich experience in business work, the most successful woman in a company is usually the one who appears to be charming and alluring on the first look. Those not-so-pretty girls were shut outside the door of a high salary job, even she may be more capable than those pretty girls. Though sexual discrimination is forbidden in most companies, because a large proportion of managers are male, driven by the instinct power, it is natural that more attention is put on employee with fashionable clothes and cheerful outlook. Thus, in order to be easy promoted, and better paid in their jobs, women tried hard to keep in step with the fashion. So it is the prejudice among individuals in this society, should be blamed for generating such a trend.

In a word, only if we discard those prejudice, and judging people on the basis of their true ability, can we finally get out of the marsh of fashion, can we be liberated from the chain of fashion company, and live as free as we want.

“With fake Gucci and Dior bags in their hands, young girls seem so pretty and charming” When all advertises are implying this message, this generation's mind is captured by fashion industry. Though fashion seems so complicated and fascinating, but the core of this business is simple -to give a hand bag the price of a new car, and persuade someone to buy it happily. Fortunately, lots of people found the truth beneath the disguise, so they argued that we too much emphasized on superficial appearance and fashion. However, I do not agree with them, because it is not this young generation that should be blamed. Desperately catching the fashion is not only because we are trying to show off, this trend is created by a couple of factors' mutual influence.

The first and foremost, the power of advertise is so () overwhelming (个人认为这个ts不太好，太空了，如果后面接个that 点出后面的内容更好,我这里帮你补完 so that the young lose their own critical thinking). Since we (we 去掉) the time we were born, the everyday( everyday去掉) impression of those movie and television stars had significantly changed(affected) our value of the world. (加个过渡的词，To speak more clearly,)The meaning of handsome is simplified into pretty, especially after Paris Hilton became a star on television, those stupid behaviors and garish clothes were widely accepted by our naive kids. Therefore, those television companies, drove by the lust for profile (profit), (to some extent),should be blamed for creating a trend to allure this generation into the chase for peripheral(你是想表达表面的意思是吧
        用这个词可以用，但不常用，可能superficial) luster.

What is more, the prejudice in business field is also one of the factors that had contributed to the pursuing(pursue是及物动词,不用加for,这块可以这样 contributed to the mindless/blind fashion-followers) for fashion. According to a book written by a(n) office lady who have rich experience in business work, the most successful woman in a company is usually the one who appears to be charming and alluring(这个好像是负评价词，其实用charming 就够了) on the first look. Those not-so-pretty girls were(are close the door of high-salary and well reputation) shut outside the door of a high salary job, even she(they) may be more capable than those pretty girls. Though sexual discrimination is forbidden in most companies, because a large proportion of managers are male, driven by the instinct power(power 不要), it is natural that more attention is put(placed) on employee with fashionable clothes and cheerful outlook. Thus, in order to be easy(easily and rapidly) promoted and better paid in their jobs, women tried hard to keep in step(in step= pace) with the fashion(加上 trend). So it is the (prejudice among individuals)(改成 gender prejudice ) in this(this 不要) society, should be blamed for generating such a trend.

In a word, only if we discard those prejudice, and judging(judge) people on the basis of their true(real) ability, can we finally get out of the marsh of fashion, can we be liberated from the chain of fashion company, and live as free as we want.

语言有些小问题，加油。

内容和结构逗很好。

很好的支持的了观点。

我不同意楼上的观点

这篇文章，偏题了

题目要求的是：讨论是不是too much

我认为，这篇作文没有讨论是否too much这个问题

我只改了一段

因为我发现你文不切题

“With fake Gucci and Dior bags in their hands, young girls seem so pretty and charming” When all advertises are implying this message(“手中拿着假的Dior和Gucci的bags,女生很有魅力”，所有的广告都在暗示这个。这个句子翻译过来明显不符合逻辑，fake是干什么用的？), this generation's minds
            are captured by fashion industry. Though fashion seems so complicated and fascinating, but(though和but不可以连用) the core of this business is simple -to give a hand bag the price of a new car and to persuade someone to buy it happily(happily太低级了，用buoyantly，欢快的。buoyant有浮起来的意思，这样就可以帮助读者构造画面：高兴得跳起来) totally unaware of s/he dissipating her/his money in a unwise way. Fortunately, lots of（lots of过于口语化，最好还是说a multitude of） people found(find用一般现在时就可以了) the truth beneath the disguise, so they argued(argue) that we too much emphasized on superficial appearance, namely, so-called fashion. However, I do not agree with them, because it is not this young generation that should be blamed（你这个句子表达的意思我很不解）. Desperately（desperate有热切的意思，但是我还是建议用eagerly或者fervently，这两个比较直接） catching the fashion is not only because we are trying to show off－this trend, as a matter of fact, is created by a couple of(several) factors' mutual influence(interaction相互作用).

汗，我也发现到这点了....我的文章根本没有涉及too much

唉，下次要注意提纲了，谢谢！