作文求改，请大家帮忙，十分感谢！！！7.14

With the development of our society, oceans and oceans(这个表达法我没见过诶…孤陋寡闻了。我会用a plethora of) of high buildings begin(用现在完成时会不会好一点？) to stand in front of our eyesight,(因为下面是一句完整的话了，所以可以用分号隔开) the traditional house(因为不是特指，所以不需要the，house用复数) ,however , become(也是时态问题) a unharmonious(inharmonious?不确定……好像前缀加un-,in-,dis-都可以…试试discordant) sight in the city, the trend  that modern apartment will replace(will replace ==> replacing) the traditional house is becoming irreversible. So , as for me , I will prefer to live in a modern apartment (这里用逗号隔开会好一点，不然会有句式杂柔的嫌疑。)not only because I want to conform the trend(典型的chinglish…可以说I want to keep up with the high pace of the modern world) but also because the modern apartment has a lot of merits(because尽量不要在同一句中出现两次，可以用for代替).

The first and foremost reason for my propensity is that living in a apartment is more convenient than in a traditional house. The cleaner environment of the modern apartment will make people do not have to clean up the house every day, which save them a lot of time.(这前半句话乱乱的，Because of the cleanliness of living in an apartment, there is no need for people to worry whether their rooms are tidy, which will save them a lot of time.) Also, the apartment is usually near the bus station, which makes it easier for people to take a bus to work. Furthermore, the building usually has other amenities that a traditional house do not have, such as the warm-up system, electricity system and internet(the Internet)

Another reason why I cast my preference(cast用的很诡异…我怎么记得是cast on?用个Moreover就够了吧) is that living in a apartment save(can save or saves) a lot of space for our society. As we all know(As is known), a traditional house usually has one or two floors ,but a apartment which takes up the same space may has seven more , that will largely increase the efficiency of space use,(As is known, a traditional house can only hold no more than ten people while an apartment provides more space with just taking the same area, since it has much more floors than the old house.) for example, the district I lived before enables 90 families to live there, but when a eight-floor building substitute the traditional house it can have ten times of(as) before.

Beyond these reasons I have(没有必要用完成时，一般过去就好了) mentioned above, there is another obvious advantage we must take in to(into是一个词) account, (句子要断开…)by living in a apartment , we will get to know more friends, because the structure of the modern apartment makes it possible for us to have more “neighbors”(Why you used a quotation mark? I don't see that.).

to sum up, considering the many advantages that the apartment has, I will prefer to live in a apartment.

Advices:

1。lz有点错误理解长句的意思了，不是把简单句子合到一起就是长句，句子之间要连贯，而且当开始表达另一层含义的时候，一定要用句点隔开。

2。我觉得可以把第三个和第一个理由合到一起，总称为Living in an apartment can help people have easier and more convenient life.

3。lz的大小写不分…考试的时候可一定要注意

4。逻辑很清晰，每段第一句都能很清楚的表达这一段想说的意思，很好。

5。注意不要使用chinglish，读起来会很别扭。lz可以通过多阅读一些文章来丰富自己的表达法。

6。建议多背一背固定搭配，有些介词用的不太对。

7。可以试着在一篇文章中用一个倒装句和一个强调句。比如你最后可以说: It is because all the merits a modern apartment has that I am, and probably will always be, in favor of living in one.

8。文章后面有些在前面已经指出的错误没指出来，希望lz可以自己改正，使印象更深刻！

本人能力水平有限，只能分析到这个深度。大家都来看看啊。

我当时是把这到作文题当作口语前两题来练的，阐述的理由跟lz一模一样…会不会显得很ordinary？

不知大家有没有什么别的好的理由？