[求助]AI 46

以下是引用yuleichengg在2007-7-6 17:46:00的发言：
46 Business are as likely as are government to establish large bureaucracies, but bureaucracy is far more damaging to a business than it is to a government.
感觉这个题目很难。BUT前后是两个问题啊，都要在文章之中讨论吗？我的文章在下面，请大家评判！谢谢了！

The speaker claim that businesses are as likely as are government to
establish large bureaucracies and that businesses are more vulnerable to
bureaucracy than government, which（which无指代） appears ungrounded for me. In my
perspective, businesses are less likely to found costly bureaucracies, and
bureaucracies are damaging to businesses as well as government.
 

In the first place, the ultimate goal for enterprises is to make money,
encouraging them to organize and act in any ways that will reduce cost.
Obviously, bureaucracies are too costly to be accepted by business leaders and
thus hard to survive in the sense of effectiveness in businesses. On the other
hand, the organizational forms of governments inherently lack incentives to
control cost; at the same time, the supervision system towards government can
hardly work as efficiently as the one for enterprises. Taking into account
these factors, we are not surprised to see that there are usually much larger
bureaucracies in government organizations than in businesses.

 

In the second place, bureaucracies can have adverse influences on both
government and businesses. Although I assert in the previous paragraph that
corporations are less likely to build up obese organization than are governments,
it does not mean that this phenomena is due to the less damage bureaucracy do
to government. Ineffective organizational form are destructive to any
organization, including governments and business, on the grounds that it wastes
money, resources and human energy. In this ever changing era, hardly anything
that functions inefficiently can survive competition, which will drive all the
useless hands in the realistic world. The tragedy for an enterprise is running
out of money and profits, whereas the hell for an incapable government is to be
replaced by a new, powerful party which can fulfill its civilians' needs at a
lower cost.

 

In conclusion, that businesses are less likely to found obese organization
is not because it is more fragile to bureaucracy, but because the better
supervision from within and direct incentive to control cost. Both businesses
and organization suffer a fortune from ineffective organization.

 

以下是引用yuleichengg在2007-7-7 8:01:00的发言：
对不起拉，不过用WORD查过了阿，自己文章的错误有时候自己看不出来啊。又改了一下：

The speaker claims that businesses are as likely as are governments to
establish large bureaucracies and that businesses are more vulnerable to
bureaucracy than government.("than government"adds to confusion) In my
perspective, businesses are less likely to build up costly bureaucracies, and obese organization is damaging to(damages) businesses as well as to government.
 

In the first place, the ultimate goal for enterprise is to make money,
encouraging them to organize and act in any way that will reduce cost(I would say"profit, which could be achieved through cost reduction process").
Obviously, bureaucracies are too costly to be accepted by business leaders and
thus are hard to survive in the sense of effectiveness in businesses. On the other
hand, the organizational forms of government inherently lack incentives to
control cost; at the same time, the supervision system towards government can
hardly work as efficiently as the one for enterprises. Taking into account
these factors, we are not surprised to see that there are usually much larger
bureaucracies in government than in businesses.

(以上这一段我形容一下就是你在原地踏了三步，然后一下跳到了房顶——你并没解释阶级是如何导致效率低下的。你完全可以说，更多的level会delay the flow of direction and feedback，分工的不明确，责任的归属不清楚等等，要把问题往深入说，而不是突然就得出一个结论)
 

In the second place, bureaucracies can have adverse influences on both
government and businesses（不一致）. Although I assert in the previous paragraph that
corporations are less likely to build up obese organization than are governments,
it does not mean that this phenomena（phenomenon） is due to less damage bureaucracy do
to government（句意模糊,也许你可以说：less damage that BUREAU does to government）. Ineffective organizational form is destructive to any kind of organization, including government and business, on the grounds that it wastes money, resources and human energy. In this ever changing era, hardly anything that functions inefficiently can survive (through) competition, which will drive all the
useless hands out of the realistic world. The tragedy for an enterprise is running out of money and profits, whereas the hell for an incapable government is to be replaced by a new, powerful party which can fulfill its civilians' needs at a lower cost.

(第二段整体写得不错)
 

In conclusion, that businesses are less likely to have obese organization
is not because businesses are more fragile to bureaucracy, but because the better
supervision from within and the direct incentives to control cost. Both businesses
and organization suffer a fortune from ineffective organization.