issue 24 请指教

以下是引用gavinreal在2003-11-12 1:27:00的发言：
Recently there is an argument over whether business leaders have far more opportunity （opportunities，又是单复数错误）to influence the course of a community or a nation than does any government official（不要倒装）. Some people agree with this point of view while others do not. Actually,the issue of which side has more opportunity （同上）ot influence the course of a community or a nation is really a complex and controversial one. Different people will hold different view（views） on this matter due to their distinct backgrounds. Therefore, there is not a universal answer to this question and the final judgement should depend on a case-by-case analysis. As far as i am concerned, however, i agree that due to today's more and more commercialized society, business leaders are gaining more and more power while the influence of public officials （应该加are，这里while是并列连词，连接两个句子，而不是介词。）seen to be waning.

In the first place, business leaders are changing every aspects （上次讲过呀，every后面跟单数名词！！！）of our way （用复数，因为人们的生活方式是不尽相同的）of life through the products and services their company provided（这里没有理由用过去式）. For example, as the coming of the Internet economy, the wide use of internet is changing our way （同上）of communication to a great extent. And since the services or the products are provided by many big telecommunication companies, the business leaders could have much influence on every aspects of our daily lives, such as our way of communication and also way of spending our leisure time after work.

In the second place, business leaders are having more and more influences on our cultures and the process of the formation of a new culture. For example, some companies that （去掉，要么就加上are）earning very big profits are contributing to charity by denoting （注意，奉献是devote）a lot of money to some people in poor or bad conditions or just set up some kind of fund aiming at helping those in needs. And accordingly,the business leaders will have more influence on the culture of "help those in needs".

However, you may argue that in some more traditional official-centered socities, government leaders still monopolized （不用过去式，因为你要强调现在仍存在的状况）the power to influence the whole society. But you may find the trend that nations worldwide are developing towards the more democratic oriented（名词呢？towards需要一个宾语呀）. As a result, business leaders should have more and more power to influence our society than officials as time goes by.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons and their supporting examples, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an intergrated whole and thus （加are，否则并列部分里缺少动词）more convincing than any single one of them, we may（be） comfortable to say that business leaders are gaining more and more power to influence our society than officials.