[求助]大家帮忙看看我的作文（又有更新，接着继续请指正）

以下是個人淺見,不知道對不對,這題的題目是要敘述Why do you think people attend college or university? 題目本身的立場已經是:同意上大學,所以一開頭寫下有人即使沒上大學也成功,這有點反題目的立場,我不知道開頭這樣寫法是否有點離題?其他先進們大家可以討論一下. 另外,"there still are"...應該是 "there are still"... numerous people "work hard " 用"work hard" 有點奇怪 ,改成"do their best" 或者"make a great efforts"或許會比較切合你的文意.第二段There are different kinds of activities in school which offer a great deal of chances for "them "to make friends with different people from different races, different places and different majors,.... "them"改成"students",前句文字雖說寫some people,但這樣改文意上會通順點, 還有此句中用了太多的different,"people from other races, places, and majors."看起來會簡潔一點.然後第二段的第四行" when he goes out with " 最好是寫"he or she goes out with" 否則老美說你性別歧視?雖說英文上都以男性代表全體,但是近幾年已經有改變這樣的情況

本来是加了（or she）的，可后面很多都要这样，我就删掉了的。

考试的时候会注意的· 谢谢

可能我太喜欢排比了，以后会注意用词

NO。9 喜欢在大城市还是小城市生活

Living a modern life in a big city is somebody's dream, while peaceful life in small town appeals to other people. And to me, my choice will depend on my age.

Life in a big city is more attractive, when I am full of energy and ambition to enjoy my youth hood. In general, as the center of economy in a region, big city boasts comparative economic advantage as well as rapid and strong economic development, which result in the emergence of different job like bamboo shoots after a spring rain accompanied by urgent need for labor force. So it would be very easy for me to find various jobs in different areas such as IT, manufacturing, business and so on so fourth, anyone i have great interests in. These distinctive experiences could broad my view from diverse aspects of society, make me learn more skills in dealing with different and sometimes particular people and help me know and understand more about myself as well. Also a great deal of places to have fun enriches my life. For instance, it is a popular and wonderful idea to spend whole evening singing songs with friends in KTV after a small party, in which we chat and tell jokes in a pub.

As I grow older and have to make a plan for life after retirement, living in a small town is better. Compared with big city, small town does have many limitations in commerce, recreation, and some other facets of life, but the lighter economic burden in life results from the lower living standard relative to the limitation has more meaning tome. That is, i can enjoy a comfortable life with only a little money, and the rest of my account could be made best use in other area that I like to try, such as fishing, hike and gardening. At the same time, the slow living pace in small town, which i never had chance to enjoy when i was young, give me more time to communicate with neighbors, to go for a walk in the sunset after supper and the like.

继续请教