LZ准备申请法国高商的GE项目，计划发展方向是marketing。一直在DIY，最近在motivation letter上遇到了瓶颈！词汇、语法、文章结构等如有不当之处还请CD上的各位大牛多多指点！
附上不忍直视的原文：
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Dear Sir, Madam,
I am hereby applying for the entrance of master in management program at XXX for the autumn 2016 academic year. My name is XXX, a student from XXX University.
I chose French as my major for the purpose of better integrating into transnational corporations in China, which is considered as my ideal working place where I could learn world’s highest standard of management. On one hand, mastering different languages is necessary for the integration and communication in a company with diverse cultures. On the other hand, majoring in French helps me have a deep understanding of western thinking modes and values which serve as the most important factors to understand the transnational corporations.
For the same reason, I wish to have further studies in XXX. Seeing China is still an emerging market, your school could offer me the best opportunity to learn the latest business theories in Europe, and could provide me with various accesses to European companies who established their branches in China. If I honorably had the chance to study in your business school, I would make full use of my first year of study to have a general understanding of all the domains so as to pave the way for the upcoming gap year. The second year would be seen as a period to build up my network and explore marketing activities in particular sectors, especially the Internet. The last year of the program would be the year for me to specialize in marketing by benefiting from practical skills learned during the gap year. After graduation, I would return to China and start my career related to marketing in a transnational corporation in Shanghai, an emerging market where I could put the theories and experience learned from France into practice.
During the first two years on campus, I mainly focused on studies and proved my efforts by winning consecutively National Encouragement Scholarship in 2013 and 2014. Meanwhile, I also specialized in improving my communication skills, and managed to win national and provincial prizes in both English speaking and French speaking national contests. With a strong believe that we students also have the duty of contributing to a better university, I organized our own TEDx team, composed of 14 aspiring team members. Our events, authorized by the official TED organization, attracted hundreds of participants of the university. We not only shared new ideas, but also created a platform for participants to express themselves by means of delivering speeches. Quite often, I also invited guests from different companies to give our participants speeches about various kinds of practical knowledge.
My initial attempt related to marketing started as served a member of the university community Enactus of its marketing department. In 2014, I luckily had a chance to take part in a business training program in University of Manchester. In the final presentation, my ideas were adopted by our team and our creative project got a really high score. Since then, I found myself creative, fairly interested in technology, analysis and communication. So I began my internship of online marketing in Hujiang.com. Online brand promotion, social networks management were major tasks of my job. I kept excellent KPIs, and some of my ideas which were adopted for reforms are still being used. My another internship was in MOOC Office of Shanghai Jiao-Tong University. I was in charge of information collection and data analysis of all MOOC platforms in the world, which contributed to the studies of MOOC of the university and its popularization.
As an international student, once being admitted into your business school, I wish to combine various cultures and thinking modes with my creativity and bring more changes for your school. At the moment, am basically prepared for it.
Yours sincerely,
XXX
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发表于 2015-11-17 12:04:40
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