从7.26开始的写作

heys

We are required to have more and more abilities just like being able to adapt to the changing environment or getting as much knowledge of the field we are in  as possible to reach the so called  success. While they are all very important aspects on the way we are fighting, I have to say that in my opinion, having the ablitiy to adapt the circumstances that are always chaging is more essential because of the complex society we are living in and the raipd deveolpment of all the innovations around us, we need to learn how to survive in such complicated environment  if we want ti lead a better life.

There is no doubt that the society never stops functioning, just like a endless river which never stops running. We are either forced to adapt to it or fit it willingly. There is a story. A daughter is very dissapointed beacuse she cannot gat along well with the workmates, what's more, the workload is too heavy for her to burden. She is at the edge of crash. Her father tells her," If you put the carrots into the boiling water, they'd be soft, if you put the eggs into it, they will harden from the inside and you can easily break it, but if you put some coffee beans into it, a cup of coffee is made.Which one do you prefer?" In this story, the coffee beans obviously represents the kind of person who are willing to keep a plwasent raletionship with the persons whose paths have ever crossed with him, resulting in a wonerful cup of coffee, he keeps the special part in his personality when adapting to the circumstances  perfectly. Seen from this, how significant it is for us to fit the society. otherwise we would be defeat by it and lose the most unique part inside ourselves.

To conclue, mastering the knowledge of the field we are in is the most basic request for a person, what's more, we can learn what we need after we enter the field as long as we are capable of fast learning. In other words, we are trying to adapt to the pace the field we are in. Then we can make it.


Integrated writing

The viewpiont that buzzers should be criticized and often mislead potential consumers in the passage is completely oppsite of the point that buzzers provide aproppriate information and  products of good quality to those people who need it  illustrated in the speech.            

First, the writer holds the opinion that consumers should know whether the person talking to him is a buzzer beacuse we want truth from a friend instead of from a paid advertiser. However, the speaker's view is different, he thinks that the buzzers knows well about who really need the product, therefore, he will tells the information to those certain group of people in their needs since they have done a lot of reserch to find the target group.

Another piont that the passage is stressing is that people should be more critical if they don't know they are talking to a buzzer. While the listening part tells us if a person really wants to buy the product, he will ask a lot of questions himself. Once he can't get enough information he needs, he may not buy it. Even though one is not aware of talking to a buzzer, he still won't purchase unless he knows well about it.
                    
The final doubt  the passage is casting is that the buzzers may cause trustingissues for they don't know whether they are chatting with a buzzer, consequently they have to doubt everyone they meet, eventually resulting in trust crash. On the contray, the listening says buzzers are often more popular because they recommend good quality and effcient products to others. Companies hire buzzers only for good products, so the worries about the products are not necessary.

To conlcude briefly, the points in the leture is contrast with the passage. That buzzers bring what consumers need of good quality sincerely demonstrates that buzzers mislead and cheat consumers is certainly in doubt.

改变

We are required to havemore and more abilities just like being able to adapt to the chaging（changing）environment or getting as much knowledge of the field we are in  aspossible to reach the so called  success. 略微觉得有点长 感觉是不是用从句好一点 或者用破折号 abilities-beingable to ….or getting as much While they are all bothof them all 多用在3者之上very important aspects on the way we arefighting, I have to say that in my opinion, 感觉这样不如直接, in myopinion , having 好having the ablitiy to adapt the circumstancesthat are always chaging ismore essential because of the complex society we are living in and theraipd deveolpment（拼写） of all the innovations around us, we need to learn how to survivein such a complicated environment  if we want ti to lead a betterlife （这个句子有点问题 用because of 的话 we need 前要变成句号。或者改成becaus 改变一下句式

句子不变太长 应该多用一些短句 复杂句并列句 简单句最好综合使用 这样利于阅读 需要注意词汇的拼写

There is no doubt that the society never stops functioning, just like a（an）endless river which never stops running. We are either forced to adapt to it orfit it willingly. There is a story. A daughter(一般不这样用 说daughter之前要提到他的家庭 很突兀) is very dissapointed beacuse she cannot gat alongwell with the workmates, what's more, the workload is too heavy for her toburden. She is at the edge of crash. Her father tells her," If you put thecarrots into the boiling water, they'd be soft, if you put the eggs into it,they will harden from the inside and you can easily break it, but if you putsome coffee beans into it, a cup of coffee is made.Which one do youprefer?" In this story, the coffee beans obviously represents the kind ofperson who are willing to keep a plwasent raletionship（看不懂。。。。） with the persons whose paths have ever crossed with him,resulting in a wonerful cup of coffee, he keeps the special part in hispersonality when adapting to the circumstances  perfectly. Seen from this,（感觉不太对 from thisview 好一点 see 无对应） how significant it is for us to fit the society. otherwise we would bedefeat by it and lose the most unique partinside ourselves.it指代混乱原则上一个句子it只能指代一个单词
例子很好
To conclue, mastering the knowledge of the field we are in is the most basic request for a person,what's more, we can learn what we need after we enter the field as long as weare capable of fast learning. In other words, we are trying to adapt to thepace of the field we are in. Then we can make it.
结尾好像没有点题 题目问的是那个更重要
中心觉得有点偏差 首段说原因在于 社会变化快 复杂 主题段的例子在于自己时候愿意融入。。。 感觉有点偏差
希望再次写的时候把题目加上哈
其实别的问题 倒不是很多 自己写完之后可以先用word检查一下自己的一些基本的错误 这样在小分队中可以将更多精力放在修改更多 使文章更加地道的用法上

咱们都还有很大的提升空间加油！！ 共勉


07word的颜色怎么粘贴不上去。。。。。。。。

heys

改变 发表于 2013-7-27 10:53
We are required to havemore and more abilities just like being able to adapt to the chaging（changin ...

嗯嗯，谢谢哦~我刚刚把综合写作的也上传了~一起加油哦~

heys

忘了建一楼，真是重大失误啊···新手就是新手···唉···补一个都不知道到几楼了····
本人8.24就要去南京考试啊，现在才开始全面复习，真的要好好求求人品爆发
所以从今天一直到20号，都会每天来报到的~
欢迎大家监督啊，呃，不对，请大家监督啊···我没来的话大家就在楼下幽幽的说今天多少多少号了···
也欢迎马上要到时的T友一起努力哦~我在口语小分队那边也每次都占了的，真是紧迫啊···
好了不废话了，共勉哦~

mk314400

Theviewpiont that buzzers should be critisized (criticized) andoften mislead potential consumers in the passage is completely oppsite (opposite) of thepoint that buzzers provide aproppriate (appropriate) informationand  products of good quality to those people who need it(them) illustratedin the speech.            

First, the writer holds the opinion thatconsumers should know whether the person talking to him(them) is abuzzer beacuse we want truth from a friend instead of (加from) a paid advertisement(advertiser).However, the speaker's view is different,(句号) he thinks that thebuzzers knows（know） well about who reallyneed the product, therefore, he will tells(tell) theinformation to those certain group of people in their needs since they havedone a lot of reserch(research) to find the target group.

Another piont that the passage is stressing isthat people should be more critical if they don't know they are talking to abuzzer, which (这个which指代的是主句中的什么？可能会引起歧义) may harm consumers. Whilethe listening （加material）tells us if a personreally wants to buy the product, he will ask a lot of questions himself. Oncehe can't get enough information he needs, he may not buy it. That is（that is加在这里有点多余把= =）, even though one are（is） not aware of talking to abuzzer, he still won't purchase unless he knows well about it（it指代什么？很突兀。加个product会更好）.
                  
The final doubt  the passage iscasting is (加that)the buzzers may cause trust problems(改成trusting issues会更好) for they don't knowwhether they are chatting with a buzzer, consequently they have to(will) doubteveryone they meet, eventually resulting in trust crash. On the contray(contrary), thelistening says buzzers are often mohre popular because they recommend good ofgood quality and effient products to others.(这句是什么意思？- -) Companies hire buzzersonly for（to promote） good products, so theworries about the products are not necessary.

To conlcude(conclude) briefly,the points in the leture (lecture)is contrast with (those in不能用points与passage比较)the passage. Buzzers bringwhat consumers need of good quality sincerely demonstrates buzzers mislead andcheat consumers is certainly in doubt. （最后一句没有看懂= =）

同学我觉得你文章要表达的点基本都表达出来了，意思还是很清楚的。但是文章中有好多拼写错误和表达不规范的地方，所以下次要注意啦。建议可以写完之后打开word的纠错功能看看哪些是拼写的问题，因为拼写而失分太吃亏啦。我8月26号考试，所以一起加油拉！

heys

27 July
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only.

In this fiercely competitive society, one skill cannot provide us with success any longer. The argument on which is more successful, the people who develop many different skills or people who focus on one skill only, I am personally inclined to the former one because time has changed, and we have to master several skills if want to find a satisfying job, let alone to be successful.

As a college student majoring in accounting, I have to say it's really a skillful work. If you learn very well about the expertise, will it guarantee you a high salary job? Not exactly. Why? Because there are thousands of high school students and people who don't have a job studying accounting in the numerous educational organizations, hoping to find a job with lower salary than us college students. It's now very clear that we are forced to acquire more skills to make ourselves more competitive in order to win the first round of the competition--- getting a job. Therefore, many of my classmates study economics or develop language skill just like English or French at the same time. Economics has something to do with accounting for economics have decisive influence on how and where the enterprise will go. Excellent and fluent English and French, of course, can make them stand out if they want to get a job in those companies which have relationships with foreign companies.

This is the only the first step. There is still a long way to success. After you enter the company, you are at a new start, there is only two results of this game---winning or losing. Doing your work well when you are a fresher means you are required to be capable of typing when your boss asks you to do so, or you should know how to use the word and excel  to solve the problems in your work. Lucky enough, you are promoted to a department manager. Now the position drives you to learn something about the management knowledge. Meanwhile, more information is sent to you and you should distinguish which is useful ----more skills are needed at present. Maybe you are successful now in some people's eyes.

Judging from this kind of work, we may find more than one skills are required if we want to stand out among people. In fact, other jobs are all similar to accounting from the aspect of finding a job and getting the chance to be promoted. I firmly believe that the people who develop many different skills will be more successful.

heys

28 July
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
高薪没什么假期的工作与很多假期工资不高的工作，哪个好？为什么？

Looking for a satisfying jobseems to be the hottest issue in the society recently, eventually we recognizewhat we have done for the past twenty years contribute to one goal --- findinga job with high salary in a big city. With no hesitation, I prefer to the jobwith high salary and little vocation rather than a job with low salary andplenty of vocation. My reason is quite simple,  just trying to coverthe budget.

The price of everything is going up rapidly, butthe salary is increasing slowly. We don't know when we can't make ends meet,when we are seriously ill,  when we are fired by our company due to theeconomy crisis. Therefore we all want to earn as much money as possible. I knowa relative who works in a company in weekdays, and works for a small shop as anaccouter on weekends. He is the vice department manager and earns more thanmany workmates. However, he is still not satisfied with the present earning ashe hasn't married yet, his girlfriend won't marry him unless he has a house anda car. It’s no longer surprising news that a girl doesn't marry toa boy because the boy can't afford to buy a new house. This worries him a lot,so he does two jobs at the same time. He tells me if he can be promoted to themanager, he would quit the job of accounting since the manager's salary is muchhigher than now, so he needn't have to be so tired all day along.

In my country, this situation is almost the same to everyfighting young men and women who are not from the rich families. Even themarried couple will undoubtedly choose a high paid job for they have kids andparents to raise, or else they should be very careful with every penny theyspend since any small disease will destroy the finance of the family.  Atthe same time, they want to give their kids the best education, which means alarge amount of money is required to send the kids to the best kindergarten,the best high school, and so on. Additionally, when the parents get older, theyare easier to suffer from diseases even cancer. A life will go if they canafford the treatment fee.

We have to make sacrifices if we desire to getmore, just like giving and receiving are two sides of a coin. Since we want tolive with comfort and security, we can't enjoy as many holidays as others do.For the benefit of the happiness of all family members, I will choose to get ajob with high salary.

TPO21

The lecture completelyretorts the view illustrated in the passage. As the instructor present in thelecture, genetically modified trees will not bring benefit to human and nature.On the contrary, the reading contents an opposite stand that do a lot ofgood to both the wild trees and humans.

The first point that the professor uses to castdoubt on the reading is some genetically modified trees are resistant to theenvironment. According to her, the gene trees are often created to a certainking of climate, once the climate changes, the  trees can't survive, whichdiffers from the reading states gene trees are more likely to survive.

Another point that the lecture uses to counteractthe reading concerns planting gene trees is very costing. The professor claimsthat you have to pay the company every time you plant the seeds. However, thepassage states gene trees will bring in economic benefits because the tressgrow faster with more food on it.

The professor also presents the concept that thegene trees may out compete the wild trees. This is backed up by the proposalthat gene trees grow much more aggressively than wild trees. However, thereading states that gene trees can prevent wild trees from cutting down.

In conclusion, the points in the lecturecontrast with what is presented in the reading. That is, genetically modifiedtrees won't benefit us as much as we thought.

fpd

TPO26  LECUTURE 1    business

People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only.

In this fiercely competitive society, one skill cannot provide us with success any longer.(这里表达感觉有些生硬是否可以改成： make us successful) The argument on which is more successful, (这里which指代谁？on使用错误)（下面这句话我感觉是错误的） the people who develop many different skills or people who focus on one skill only, I am personally inclined to the former one because time has changed（我时态掌握的不好，但是这里是否不用完成时？）, and we have to master several skills if （who？） want to find a satisfying job, let alone to be successful.

As a college student majoring in accounting, I have to say it's really a skillful work. If you learn very well about the expertise(if you learn expertise well,而且这个expertise 感觉….我倾向于special skill), will it guarantee you a high salary job? Not exactly. Why? Because there are thousands of high school students and people who don't have a job studying accounting in the numerous educational organizations, （下面这句话的形式主语不对，不能这么用。。）hoping to find a job with lower salary than us（这里应该是we 吧） college students. It's now very clear that we are forced to acquire more skills to make ourselves more competitive in order to win the first round of the competition--- getting a job. Therefore, many of my classmates study economics or develop language skill（复数） just like （是否过于口语化？） English or French at the same time. Economics has something to do with accounting for economics have（having） decisive influence on how and where the enterprise will go. Excellent and fluent English and French, of course, can make them stand out if they want to get a job in those companies which have relationships(businesses) with foreign companies.

This is the only the first step.（it is only the first step） There is still a long way to success. After you enter the company, you are at a new start( you start a new beginning), there is(are) only two results of this game (前面压根没有提到game，所以用this 不好)---winning or losing. Doing your work well when you are a fresher(freshman) means you are required to be capable of typing when your boss asks you to do so,(be capable of typing 用得不好) or you should know how to use the word（Word） and excel （Excel）  to solve the problems in your work. （这句用if 及比较好，下面的用法显的突兀）Lucky enough, you are promoted to a （去掉a） department manager. Now the position drives you to learn something about the management knowledge. Meanwhile, more information is sent to you and you should distinguish which is useful ----more skills are needed at present. Maybe you are successful now in some (+other) people's eyes.

Judging from this kind of work, we may find more than one skills are required if we want to stand out among people (in the crowed labor pool). In fact, other jobs are all similar to accounting from the aspect of finding a job and getting the chance to be promoted. (语法错误)I firmly believe that the people（ the man） who develop （develops）many different skills will be more successful.

坦白说，第二段的论证力度感觉不够，貌似没有结结实实的论证自己的观点。其他人也学习并不是我们需要more skills 的充要条件。如果再多加几句论证效果会更好。
语法错误比较多。希望对语法多多重视。
大家都还有很大的提升空间，坚持下来一定有结果的，一起加油吧~
woca....word颜色粘不上...?
由于本人水平有限，肯定会有疏漏之处，希望发现之后一起讨论。

mk314400

28 July
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
高薪没什么假期的工作与很多假期工资不高的工作，哪个好？为什么？

Looking for a satisfying jobseems to be thehottest issue in the society recently, （这里可以用句号）eventually werecognizewhat we have done for the past twenty years contribute（s）to one goal --- findinga job with high salary in a big city. With nohesitation, I prefer to the jobwith high salary and little vocation(vacation,vocation是职业的意思)rather than a job with low salary andplenty of vocation. （可以直接用prefer to：prefer the job with high salary and little vacation tothat with low salary and plenty of vacation）My reason is quite simple,  justtrying to coverthe budget.（语法有问题。可以改成mygoal is just trying to cover the budget）

The price of everything is going up rapidly, butthe salary is increasingslowly. We don't know when we can't make ends meet,when we are seriouslyill,  when we are fired by our company due to theeconomy crisis.（这句话没有读懂。。是说我们生病或者被炒鱿鱼的时候就不能维持生活了吗？觉得表达方式有点问题） Therefore we all want to earn as muchmoney as possible. I knowa relative who works in a company in（on） weekdays, and works for asmall shop as anaccouter（accountant）on（at） weekends. He is the vicedepartment manager and earns more thanmany workmates （加do，比较的是earn）. However, he is still not satisfied with the present earning ashe hasn'tmarried yet, his girlfriend won't marry him unless he has a house anda car.It’s no longer surprising news that a girl doesn't marry to（to不需要）aboy because the boy can't afford to buy a new house. This worries him a lot,sohe does two jobs at the same time. He tells me if he can be promoted tothemanager, he would quit the job of accounting since the manager's salary is(will be) muchhigher than now, sohe needn't have to(have to 不用加， needn’t在这里是情态动词) be so tired all day along.（我觉得这一段虽然故事很生动，但是说了故事之后没有点出你的point。我觉得在开头就应该点出你的观点。）

In my country, this situation is almost the same to everyfighting（hardworking.美国人貌似不说fighting吧。。）young men and women who are not from the rich families. Even themarried couplewill undoubtedly choose a high paid job for they have kids andparents to raise（parents不能用raise）,or else they should be very careful with every penny theyspend since any smalldisease will destroy the finance of the family.（略夸张= =） Atthe same time,they want to give their kids the best education, which means alarge amount ofmoney is required to send the kids to the best kindergarten,the best highschool, and so on. Additionally, when the parents get older, theyare easier tosuffer from diseases even cancer. A life will go if they canafford thetreatment fee.（这段没有说出支持你观点的subpoint）

We have to make sacrifices（去掉s）if we desire to getmore, just like giving and receiving are two sides of acoin. Since we want tolive with comfort and security, we can't enjoy as manyholidays as others do.For the benefit of the happiness of all family members, Iwill choose to get ajob with high salary（but…..没有讲到假期少，题目是高工资但是假期少）

亲，有以下几点建议：

1、语法的问题要加强。文章中还是有许多语法错误的。虽然错误很小，基本不影响理解，但是一旦有了错误还是要扣分的。

2、个人觉得主流的独立写作应该在文章主题部分提出明确的subpoint来支持你的观点。但是在你的文章中我只看到了现状和故事，没有可以提炼出来作为subpoint的部分。建议同学可以看看好的文章，它们都有很清晰的subpoint。背背模版也是一个很好的选择！

加油！

TPO21

The lecture completelyretorts the viewillustrated in the passage. As the instructor present（s）in thelecture, genetically modified trees will not bring benefit（s）to human(s) and nature.On the contrary,the reading contents an opposite stand that (缺少do的主语)do a lot ofgood to boththe wild trees and humans.

The first point that the professor uses to castdoubt on the reading is somegenetically modified trees are resistant to theenvironment. According to her,the gene（写完整。。） trees are often created to a certainkingof climate, once the climate changes, the  trees can't survive,whichdiffers from the reading states gene trees are more likely to survive.

Another point that the lecture uses to counteractthe reading concerns（建议在复杂句的宾语从句中都把that加上，让读者看起来更容易） planting gene trees is very costing（costing不是形容词）.The professor claimsthat you have to pay the company every time you plant theseeds. However, thepassage states gene trees will bring in economic benefits becausethe tressgrow faster with more food on it.

The professor also presents the concept that thegene trees may out compete thewild trees. This is backed up by the proposalthat gene trees grow much moreaggressively than wild trees. However, thereading states that gene trees canprevent wild trees from cutting down.

In conclusion, the points in the lecturecontrast（s）with what is presented in the reading. That is, genetically modifiedtrees won'tbenefit us as much as we thought.

同学，我觉得综合写作还是不错的。建议如下：

1、         1.模版的痕迹太浓。究其原因我觉得是听力和文章中的内容不够多。显得你文章中都是模版，但是模版的句子虽然算字数但是意义不大。

2、         2.增加听力和阅读中相对的内容。我觉得同学还是要在听上下功夫。找到更多的点来反驳阅读中的内容。虽然我这点也做得不好，但是我在记笔记的时候分两列。左边写了阅读中的点，听听力的时候把反驳的点都写在右边。与左边已作的笔记一一对应。这样写起来会容易很多。

fpd

哥们，今天别忘帮我改作文呦~