11.1 作文求改 挣钱多是否就是成功 谢谢！

isobel4light

 我觉得我的毛病是逻辑性不够，还有语法问题……写作是我最弱的，求教！

 

My answer is no, simple but candid. Every adult in this society has to work to survive. Those who work in highly-paid business and occupy a fairly high position in the society are often referred to as white collar workers. Undoubtly that they are considered to be successful. But is it true that success is all about the money one makes? What is the definition of success? We should seek the answer in both internal and external ways.

 

Some anthropologists believed that to one’s integral world, success means completeness. Money possession does not necessarily equal to satisfaction and completeness. Nevertheless, there is still a trail of people chasing after money, hoping it will bring them fulfillness and happiness. Unfortunately, most of them failed to reach their destinations, for the success of being rich depends way too much on others. It is obviously hard to tell weather one’s heart is satisfied with his/her life simplely from his/hers material possessions. Many people are willing to sacrifice their dreams and true feelings for the privilege of becoming famous and wealthy. But do they dare to ask themselves if it is really what they wanted in this never-returning life? Not to mention the poor condition of health and the lack of family communication of a busy money-maker. It is for this reason that success would be the feeling of satisfaction and completeness when you are on the journey of pursuing your vacation.

In the external world, say, the modern society, what are those successful models that we are looking up to? Top doctors? world-famous lawyers? CEOs of giant international corporations? All of these have been the very examples settled for us and our future generations. Almost all parents would say this: “look at him! He has got a decent job, a large house and a luxury car! I really expect you to be like that.” There is no denial that they are success in a certain way, they have earned money and recognition. However, let’s take a closer look into their careers. What if a doctor secretly putting extra money on the bill of his/her patient’s bill for the well being of him/her self? What if a lawyer refuses to take a case for a desperate blue collar worker who wants his salary back just because he couldn’t afford all the expansive fee? What if a CEO sacrifices the health of his customer order to minimum the cost of his products? Recently the milk industry in China is experiencing a huge credit crises, for the press have revealed that a number of major milk products have been secretly putting dangerous chemicals in to the milk. Hardly can Chinese people can trust anything on the food market now. What is worse, this kind of things is not rare. Do you conceive all this as part of success? It is now safe to say that money should definitely not be the judgment.

                                     

On the other hand, social workers, for instance, might not be a stable job, and it won’t help them to live a lavish life. But it is truly helpful to others; it makes our world a better place. From my personal angle alone, I would say that they are success indeed. We need money, but we need much more than money to be success.