[原创]恳请德克老师评价一下!!!

jalylin

以下的这篇文章是我试写的1103的作文题,构思加完成共用了近90分钟,真的不知道自己究竟能不能在30分钟内完成,一点信心都没有.(曾经考AW的时候的感觉一点都没有了...)恳切的请德克老师评价一下我的思路写作的能力.1111就要赶考了,想在这几天突破一下,期待您的建议.

Personally I agree with the statement that people who do not work in that they have enough money are rarely happy. First of all, happiness is not easy to enjoy, which might not be acquired  by person who solely possess much money . In addition, what should be worthy to emphasize is that work does not merely mean work, which could give ones more than a physical conduction.

In the first place, money is not the guarantee of happiness. Our society is changing and developing at such a fast pace, and the average income of family increasingly augment, indeed we benefit dramatically from the improving of quality of life. However, we find that more and more problems are concomitant with it. As the famous saint, Mother Teresa said, and I quoted that “In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many cases it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.” Accordingly, people who possess wealth not always hold happiness.

In the second place, in the process of work, we could enjoy a lot of things. For instance, some people love challenges, and there might not anything could match happiness form the moment that they conquer the tough handicap. And at the same time, when people work together with our colleagues, the harmony from cooperation and mutual progression from collaboration, which are the best award for them other than the large amount of bonus.

Finally, those wealthy people who can not sense happiness probably in terms of they have made their dreams come true and attain their reputations or other things they desire formerly. Thus comparing with these big success, other trivial achievements are inappreciable.

By and large, it is not easy for wealthy people who do not work to have happiness which they really want to enjoy.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-11-4 19:06:26编辑过]

alexwithibt

思路还不错.LZ可以多练几篇.

我改了一下第2段. 很匆忙.

In the first place, money is not the guarantee of happiness. Our society is changing and developing at such a fast pace, and the average income of family increasingly augment, indeed we benefit dramatically from the improving of quality of life. However, we find that more and more problems are concomitant with it. As the famous saint, Mother Teresa said, and I quoted that “In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many cases it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.” Accordingly, people who possess wealth not always hold happiness.

 

(In the first place, money does not guarantee that we attain happiness. Quite the reverse, the more we possess the money, the more we will feel lonely. The famous saint, Mother Teresa said “In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many cases it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.” Undoubtedly, living in the fast-pace developing society, we change our original habitats gradually and unconsciously while spending a lot of money we own to benefit from what modern technologies provide us. Everyday we are busily zealous in all sorts of such dealings as network gaming, internet exploring, and so on, which are seemingly decorated our lives yet actually ruin the relationship with our families and friends which is the sources of happiness,. Subsequently, we never feel safety and gratification as before.)