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作文处女帖(求批) --男女学生应不应该分开上学

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楼主
发表于 2007-7-12 20:13:00 | 只看该作者

作文处女帖(求批) --男女学生应不应该分开上学

There is a continued debating that whether boys and girls should having studies in the same school or seperated one. For my personal perspective, I prefer to support the idea that let them study together.

To begin with, learning seperately would cause some social problem. Nowadays, there are some unfavorable effects such as homosex and young violence. One thing we can restrain it is to alleviate their rebel mentality. According to the sociological survey, moodiness is one of the biggest bad effect for peole's life especially youth. Friends of the opposite sex give them a way to drain their energetic desire precisely.  
 
More over, boys and girls doing things in one team can learn how to corperate and respect the opposite gender. There is no doubt that some female school students don't really know what boys think for themselves. It causes a problem they can't penetrate into man's character till marriage. In fact, when they learn how to share happiness with boys, they will realize man's painstaking. Meanwhile, man could know woman's slender affection too. After that, they would do things one another in harmony. "Mutual understanding is essential to human's friendship".So both two sides of people want to understand the other and break the taboo subject.

Nevertheless, studing together can raise their interest on school working. When boys realize that there are some girls study around them everyday, they will not feel lonely at all. This measure can relieve their emotional pressure. Not only boys, also the same as girls. Just for me, I think life should be colorful. So when I study tired, the first thing I do is going outside of class and chatting with girls. I can share some jokes with them which boys don't really want to do. After that, I revive my energy and continue working on academic books.

All in all, there are considerable advantages for both male and female students to team up with each other.

沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-12 20:15:00 | 只看该作者

帮小弟看看

大概缺陷在什么地方

词汇是否准确

还有,大概的分数(满分5分)

举例子怎么弄呢?这种事情上什么地方找例子?日常生活中?

最后,怎么知道自己的字数啊?

板凳
发表于 2007-7-12 21:10:00 | 只看该作者

LZ结尾也太短了吧.至少加上一句.The issue is a complex one, requiring more analysis.什么的

地板
发表于 2007-7-13 15:32:00 | 只看该作者

改了一下第一段. 字数你在WORD里面能看.

There is a continued debating that whether boys and girls should have studies in the same school or separated one. (Or separate them studying in different schools) For my personal perspective, I prefer to support the idea that let them study together (I prefer the idea of letting them study in one school).

5#
发表于 2007-7-13 16:07:00 | 只看该作者
挺好的呀~帮顶~~
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-13 18:31:00 | 只看该作者

Or separate them studying in different schools

这样写不就合前面重复了么?

罗嗦的感觉???

。。。。

word里面怎么看字数阿?谢谢啦

本人非牛

小虾米

7#
发表于 2007-7-13 20:34:00 | 只看该作者

工具里的字数统计.

8#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-15 09:04:00 | 只看该作者

There is a continued debating that whether boys and girls should having studies in the same school or separated one. For my personal perspective, I prefer to support the idea that let them study together.

 

To begin with, learning separately would cause some social problem. Nowadays, there are some unfavorable effects such as homosex and youth violence(较正规的说法是“juvenile delinquency”或者记“young offender”. One thing we can restrain it is to alleviate their rebel mentality. According to the sociological survey, moodiness is one of the biggest bad effect for people's life especially youth. Friends of the opposite sex give them a way to drain their energetic desire precisely.   这句话不知道你要说什么,中国人都不明白,外国人你就别指望他多么intelligent了。。。另外,感觉没有结束,还可以再写几句,比如说为什么不分性别的学习就会减轻这种激烈情绪,比如女孩比较不喜欢暴力解决问题(girls don’t like to use violence to desolve problems;或者举一个例子,这样就具体了,比如说我有一个女同学,原来上学时同桌,总是在我冲动的时候给我讲道理,这样我就变得更加理性了(rational了,而不brutal了);这样这一段不就很丰满,很充实了:)

另外:建议这一段放在最后,因为这一段你讨论的问题是比较深刻的社会性问题,如果放在最后可以先得你很有深度!

 

More overmoreover是一个词), boys and girls doing things in one team can (make them) learn how to corperate and respect the opposite gender. (主题句与段落意思不一致)There is no doubt that some female school students don't really know what boys think for themselves. It causes a problem they can't penetrate into man's character till marriage. In fact, when they learn how to share happiness with boys, they will realize man's painstaking. Meanwhile, man could know woman's slendersubtle affection too. After that, they would do things one another in harmony. "Mutual understanding is essential to human's friendship".So both two sides of people want to understand the other and break the taboo subject(跑题!前文一点都没有提到,这里概念太模糊了!可以说break the traditional opinion that they have to study in seperate schools, kind of old taboo.).

就算你想用反面例子说明问题,你也要围绕着“corperate and respect”这个段首主题来讲啊。自己还没有想清楚的问题不要“大义凛然”的写在这,上女子学校的学生就不接触男性么?接触男性就可以penetrate into man’s character了?那是心理学家的任务吧。。。share happiness也不是cooperate的意思。

我建议:可以继续举例子,(怎么具体也不为过),比如说你原来参加了一个学习小组,都是男生,大家互相争执,都想lead the group, 导致根本没有学习效果。后来有了女生,大家开始学着cooperate and respect each other and look more gentleman from then on.

如果觉得俗,你就继续讲道理,正反面的讲,正面:在同样的学校学习,可以让男生和女生各自发挥自己擅长的方面,这样在组织学生活动的时候就可以把事情考虑得很找到,男生可以做总体规划组织,女生可以注意细节方面,他们可以一起把一件事情做得很好。这就体现了cooperate,在这个过程中,他们也学到了互相尊重,并且学会保留自己的意见,听取别人的意见(to be perceptive)反面:如果他们继续分开学习:进入社会后,男生会因为在学校里一直和男生合作,不懂得和女性合作的注意事项,也许会让工作关系变得很尴尬。女生也许也很难理解工作时候男性真正的想法,缺少学校期间的磨合和准备,在进入社会之后必定会出现这样或那样的问题。

Nevertheless, studing together can raise their interest on school working. When boys realize that there are some girls study around them everyday, they will not feel lonely at all.都是男生在周围学习就寂寞么?讲不通吧。。。 This measuremethod can relieve their emotional pressure. Not only boys, also the same as girls. Just for me, I think life should be colorful. (前后一点关系都没有!)So when I study tired, the first thing I do is going outside of class and chatting with girls. I can share some jokes with them which boys don't really want to do. After that, I revive my energy and continue working on academic books.

从女生的角度来讲,我可没看出来你写得跟我们有什么关系。女孩是你工作之余消遣的东西?!。。。万一判卷的老师是个女的你就惨了。。。

All in all, although the issue is a complex one, requiring more analysis. It is the best way for both male and female students to team up with each other. 

 

我的建议:像这种稍微涉及一点禁忌话题的东西一定要想清楚、慎重!一定不要带性别偏见或者歧视。另外关于你不懂的东西,不要说太多。把你的思考呈现出来就够了,否则就举出一个观点,然后举例子支持这个观点。就字数来说,虽然你的字数是达到要求了,但是想拿一个稍微好点的分数,最好还是在写一点,这多出来的部分就需要你一方面充实每一个段落,比如举例子,多方面多层次说理,一方面需要你再提高一点打字速度。时间不多了,就不多做要求了,只是希望你一方面组织好文章的段落,一方面把每一段尽量写清楚。清除到让你自己作为一个第一次读这个文章的人清楚你说的问题是什么,你的想法是什么。

9#
发表于 2007-7-15 11:50:00 | 只看该作者
我帮你改改就是
10#
发表于 2007-7-15 12:09:00 | 只看该作者
这个支持单一方面的,不会引起性别歧视吧??
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