[注意]请大家帮我修改一下作文!!!谢谢!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lenlen

Essay:

I maintained that the matter which the majority of students don’t like is to give an exam for evaluate the levels of the students’ studies; However, the way is used popularity in our school on account that it can make us to understand about our problems completely, and we can try our best to correct the mistakes in the right direction. Furthermore, it’s convenient for teacher to control and teach. Thus, I maintained that I always agree with the viewpoint that evaluate students in the same grade is helpful for us.

For instance, there are so many students at the same grade in our school that the teachers cannot understand    about everyone’s condition of study on time. Accordingly, after the course, the teacher always gives students some questions to test how much information of the subject we can mastered, and which parts of contents will confuse us; finally, according to the rely of the test, the teacher can not only  control the progress of teaching and obtain the information of our study, but also  improve his/her method of teaching as well. For me, I really look forward to the semiannual exam or the final exam in that I think we need to adequately make use of the theoretical, which we have required from the teachers, to put into practice.  I believe that the knowledge won’t convert to my fortune unless I use them. Sometimes, Even though the consequence of evaluation maybe is not as expectable as I wished, I can find problem and try do best next time.

I know why the majorty of students absolutely detest the exam; because they are afraid of they will be disappointed with the result and worried about the parents’ blame; I think there have a lot of setbacks that we will faced with through our life; the best way is to overcome them bravely to make     a progression on our study.

Finally, I want to make a conclusion that evaluations are indispensable for us. We must use our every effort to make us become better through the school’s evaluations. Otherwise, we will find it’s difficult for us to adapt to the violent competitive of society when we graduated from our school.

谢谢大家了！！！！！！！！！！感激不尽啊！！！！！！！！！！！！

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-8 9:00:27编辑过]

lenlen

谢谢,帮个忙

rbtop

some suggestions:
the first 2 sentences are hard to understand, awkard.
to control and teaching? to control and teach
there have? there are
I assume? I dont think you should use I assume, delete it
accumulate? not very accurate,  maybe acquired  or mastered
according to the rely of? according to
 not only can,  but also can ?  can not only, but also..
semiannual exam ? midterm exam
consequence of evaluate? evaluation . evaluate is a verb. evaluation is the noun. you should use a noun. there are si
milar mistakes at other places.
maybe is not? may not be
try do best ? try to do best
afraid of ? afraid that
there have?
violent? highly
almost students?
detest?

rbtop

also, make a progression should be make progress

lenlen

谢谢,楼上的同学啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wondrous

偶照着OG的观点发表点漏见：词汇用的非常好，覆盖面广，变化大；就是像"use our every effort to make us—……"这种句式和强悍的词汇有些不协调。另外楼上说的不错，intro部分太长了。我感觉全篇的句子都好长阿。对照OG，范文都是长短结合，要不然rater要喘不过气的。

另外句子有很多部分也不够coherent，如“the best way is to overcome them bravely to make  a progression on our study”our study与这段开头将students定义为they有冲突。

总之词汇很强，非常强。不过照着OG，强悍的词汇，如果错误过多也不大占优的。偶还是照着平时论文那样用用就的了。

帮顶，关注高手意见。

最后一个问题，title就是essay?好像要写个题目吧？同问题目怎么写……

还是直接写内容就可以了？

mcjackie

注意,最好不要写缩写

lenlen

谢谢大家!!!!!!!!!但,我有一个问题,想把句子写的coherent有甚磨窍门吗?

wondrous

同问，主要是自己写的少哦。要是天天练可能好多了。

lenlen

有没有人回答我啊