Tancy4月20一战 求指导！

sylviazhang

For centuries, thepeople who moved(move) from one place of a continent to another are increasingrapidly. In the past, people always moved due to facts like (加上通顺些)the natural disaster, seriousdiseases or owing to the wars. Nowadays, however, we move to different parts ofthe world in order to achieve our career goals, communicating with (explore或许更恰当)diverseculture or to see the world only. (啥意思? 是想表达”看看世界”的意思吗？chinglish了。。。用broaden our minds 吧)

Some people may considerthat people who leave from the native village will definitely feel much lonely(lonelier)rather than happier. While In fact(加上while转折语气更加强烈), by moving to a new place, we can always make newfriends and seek success in work. Most of us have an(改成such an更恰当) experience that busy workswill keep people away from loneness(loneliness) and solitude. More exactly, moving out ofthe native village gives people more opportunities for their career, and morechances to be successful. On the way for their life pursuit, will these dreamershave much spare time to feel lonely? The way to chaseing (the way to do 固定搭配)dreams is a journeywhich can bring you joy and fulfillment, though, there（they） are much tough(tougher) on theroad. So, being a dreamer must be happier than the stubborn person who alwayslocks himself in one place. (为啥lock in one place就stubborn了呢？有点突兀，能再多些说理就好了)

Further, it is undeniablethat moving out of villages can promote the communication with outside world. Expandingthe range of communication with diverse culture will extremely broaden people’shorizon; enormous happiness may generated from this course. The collision ofdifferent thinking produces much inspiration and that is the reason why theperson who is succeeded by walking to the outside world.

Finally, Studiesshow that people who do new things, like going to new restaurants or living ina new place, are happier than people who don’t do that.（这个例子可以编的更真实些，用用国名地名时间段啥的detail…） This result can be understoodeasyily, in other words, just seeing novel things can make people happier.
Just seeing theoutside is able to make people increase their knowledge. More precisely, with theprofound knowledge, the change success is easy to be caught（这句没看懂，the chance to success）, as the old sayingtold (goes like this )that success and opportunity are only given to those people who are well-prepared. （可以加一句”Thus, by exploring yourself to the new world, you equip yourself with more preparations than others”） If you never try anything new, how can youimprove?（Improve一般做及物动词）

There is nothing wrongwith living in a native village for all life. For the best possible beingsuccessful and living a happier life, though, moveing out of their native villageand town is the better choice.

（为啥这篇缺了这么多空格）Tancyfox同学，我觉得你单复数和定冠词这方面要注意一些， 毕竟因为这些错误扣分很不划算的，另外每段para之间的说理逻辑衔接要更严密些

sylviazhang

我不会把它改成有颜色的格式诶。。。怎么弄啊？><,

sylviazhang

不好意思，搞好了
For centuries, thepeople who moved(move) from one place of a continent to another are increasingrapidly. In the past, people always moved due to facts like(加上通顺些)the natural disaster, seriousdiseases or owing to the wars. Nowadays, however, we move to different parts ofthe world in order to achieve our career goals, communicating with (explore或许更恰当)diverseculture or to see the world only. (啥意思? 是想表达”看看世界”的意思吗？chinglish了。。。用broaden our minds 吧)



Some people may considerthat people who leave from the native village will definitely feel much lonely(lonelier)rather than happier. While In fact(加上while转折语气更加强烈), by moving to a new place, we can always make newfriends and seek success in work. Most of us have an(改成such an更恰当) experience that busy workswill keep people away from loneness(loneliness) and solitude. More exactly, moving out ofthe native village gives people more opportunities for their career, and morechances to be successful. On the way for their life pursuit, will these dreamershave much spare time to feel lonely? The way to chaseing (the way to do 固定搭配)dreams is a journeywhich can bring you joy and fulfillment, though, there（they）are much tough(tougher) on theroad. So, being a dreamer must be happier than the stubborn person who alwayslocks himself in one place. (为啥lock in one place就stubborn了呢？有点突兀，能再多些说理就好了)


Further, it is undeniablethat moving out of villages can promote the communication with outside world. Expandingthe range of communication with diverse culture will extremely broaden people’shorizon; enormous happiness may generated from this course. The collision ofdifferent thinking produces much inspiration and that is the reason why theperson who is succeeded by walking to the outside world.


Finally, Studiesshow that people who do new things, like going to new restaurants or living ina new place, are happier than people who don’t do that.（这个例子可以编的更真实些，用用国名地名时间段啥的detail…） This result can be understoodeasyily, in other words, just seeing novel things can make people happier.
Just seeing theoutside is able to make people increase their knowledge. More precisely, with theprofound knowledge, the change success is easy to be caught（这句没看懂，the chance to success）, as the old sayingtold (goes like this )that success and opportunity are only given to those people who are well-prepared. （可以加一句”Thus, by exploring yourself to the new world, you equip yourself with more preparations than others”） If you never try anything new, how can youimprove?（Improve一般做及物动词）


There is nothing wrongwith living in a native village for all life. For the best possible beingsuccessful and living a happier life, though, moveing out of their native villageand town is the better choice.


（为啥这篇缺了这么多空格）Tancyfox同学，我觉得你单复数和定冠词这方面要注意一些，毕竟因为这些错误扣分很不划算的，另外每段para之间的说理逻辑衔接要更严密些

sylviazhang

Mar 10
Some people claim that, today, mostpeople often make decisions depending on others’ opinion rather than makedecision by themselves(更简洁这样表达). But in fact, as we grow up, we find that no one can replace us by making decision for our life,except ourselves.

First and foremost, the person who persistently thinks that the most people believe their own decisions can be instead of(instead没这样的用法，改成be replaced with吧) othersdecisions tends to be confused by the conception of lfully obeying others’ideas and just listening to others’ advice. （这句话不是很通顺，不知道要表达什么。。。） Listening to other's ideas help us broaden minds,think outside(out of?)the box and explore more possibility from diverse perspectives. Specifically,in present society, most of the managers will adopt the methods, before making final decisions, like brainstorming and group discussion to assist them oflistening to more people’s opinion. However, the final decision is undoubtedlymade by us. More exactly, everyone should determine to abandon something and to obtain another (跟someting搭配不对，maybe用something else), whatever the result is.

Further, somepeople may think when we were(are) children, and (两个完整句子不能用逗号连接，要加连词)parents always made decision for us. Even so, we should admit that whether we need to follow their decisionsisaredepend onus. People keep trying improving(to improve) their independence in their growth, so that thereis no doubt that they more like making (to make)decision by themselves, especially thedecisions are closely related to their life and interests. In that case, how canI believe anyone who want to let others control his fate? (定从标志词不能少 who)

Last but notleast, there is no denying that no parents want their children to become aperson without decision-making ability. Instead, they always expect children torely on themselves. More precisely, they all believe that making decision independentlyis the foundation of gaining successful and facing failure. Without theindependence, how can parents feel relieved for us to facing differentchallenges? The education we accepted (received)teaches us to making decisions for ourselves,that is to say, there won’t be many people who are willing to follow the decisioncompletely making by others.

All in all, I disagreewith the statement that most people often let others make decisions for themrather than make decisions by themselves. Even though there is nothing wrongwith listening to other people’s opinion, these opinions need to become thefinal decision only under our controlling

加强基础语法训练，定从，单复数，固定搭配等