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[原创]根据11月3日独立作文题目写的文章!诚恳求拍!

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楼主
发表于 2007-11-4 19:45:00 | 显示全部楼层

我跟下帖子吧,我看了LZ的作文,等会我会好好写评语的,然后我也写了一篇LZ如果有空也给我改下吧。。。借LZ地盘了,哈哈

People who do not work because they have money are rarely happy. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.
                

My neighbor is a rich old man who live in a big house, drive a luxurious car and wear name-brand suits, but he has never earned even one dollar through his life. When he inherited the fortune from his father, he thought the huge money could bring him joys and comforts and he did not need to work at all. Time flies, when he becomes an elder man, he always fell empty, no sense of achievement and no aim of life. Now, sorrow, depression and frustration are awash his life. He always tell us how he regrets he did not work when he was young. From the story of my neighbor I strongly hold the claim that people who do not work will rarely obtain real happiness.

 

On the one hand, although the people who do not work still can maintain a good substantial life, they will fell empty in their spiritual life. We have to recognize that one of the aim of work is to earn money, but, in turn, work will bring us things far beyond money, such as a sense of satisfy, the happiness of success, the respect of others, and the pursue of life, to list just a few. If people who have never worked because they have money, they only can get the things bought by money but they will never fell the happiness beyond money. Moreover, if The pleasures of idleness soon cloy, they may hit some bad habits. For instants, they are indulged in the red wine for forgetting the nonsense of life,  they are addicted in drugs for kicks, or they watch some films are gratuitous violence and pornography. If these small bad habits are not controlled in proper ways, they may the source of some heinous crimes.

 

On the other hand, if people don’t attend work, they will not experience the hardship of life, namely that they will not know how fantastic their life is. Affluent life makes people more vulnerable. When people who do not work experienced some frustration, they will easily be knocked down. Then they will complain the unfair of life and no courage to live on the world. That is the reason why the survey show us that the rich men, especially who do not work, are more likely get depression. In turn, if people who attend work, they will learn some skills about how to surmount the difficulties, they will know how to face troubles and they can deal with the frustrations easily. When they are in front of difficulties, what they think is how to conquer the difficulties and challenge themselves instead give up life. After they success, they will more cherish the rest life and enjoy the life as much as they can.

 

In conclusion, if people want to enjoy not only the substantial life but also the spiritual life and want to know the nature of life and happiness ,they would better to work and earn the money by themselves. Then they will get the acquisition far beyond the work itself.

沙发
发表于 2007-11-4 20:29:00 | 显示全部楼层

我仔细读了下LZ的文章,觉得语言还挺流畅。我觉得第一段第二段和第四段衔接不上。

从开头写的就是过奢华的日子只能带来短暂的快乐,而不能带来长久的快乐。然后第二段就写了,如何能带来短暂的快乐。用了一个过渡句来承接了一下第三段,又说这种短暂的快乐会很快就过去的,继而被空虚所取代。但是我觉得第四段和前两段衔接的不好。按照你说的好像就是要说快乐是短暂的然后后面都来论述这为什么是短暂的。而你第四段却开始写work怎么样能给人来来成就,压根就没提快乐。

我觉得第四段不妨写,你觉得能让人永恒的快乐不是一个劲的消费,大房子,跑车,穿名牌也就是不是物质上的而是精神上的。比如a sense of achievement, a sense of secuity and satisfication什么的。然后说只有这些才能使人真正快乐,等老了回忆起来才觉得人生有价值,得到了人生快乐的真谛什么的。

板凳
发表于 2007-11-4 21:12:00 | 显示全部楼层

People who do not work because they have money are rarely happy. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

My neighbor is a rich old man who live in a big house, drive a luxurious car and wear name-brand suits, but he has never earned even one dollar through his life. When he inherited the fortune from his father, he thought the huge money could bring him joys and comforts and he did not need to work at all. Time flies, when he becomes an elder man, he always fell empty, no sense of achievement and no aim of life. Now, sorrow, depression and frustration are awash his life. He always tell us how he regrets he did not work when he was young. From the story of my neighbor I strongly hold the claim that people who do not work will rarely obtain real happiness.

On the one hand, although the people who do not work still can maintain a good substantial life, they will fell empty in their spiritual life. We have to recognize that one of the aim of work is to earn money, but, in turn, work will bring us things far beyond money, such as a sense of satisfy, the happiness of success, the respect of others, and the pursue of life, to list just a few. If people who have never worked because they have money, they only can get the things bought by money but they will never fell the happiness beyond money. Moreover, if The pleasures of idleness soon cloy, they may hit some bad habits. For instants, they are indulged in the red wine for forgetting the nonsense of life,  they are addicted in drugs for kicks, or they watch some films are gratuitous violence and pornography. If these small bad habits are not controlled in proper ways, they may the source of some heinous crimes. If theses bad habits parallel them towards life of crime, the crime will cast shadow in their life and the happiness of life will vanish forever.

 On the other hand, if people don’t attend work, they will not experience the hardship of life, namely that they will not know how fantastic their life is. Affluent life makes people more vulnerable. When people who do not work experienced some frustration, they will easily be knocked down. Then they will complain the unfair of life and no courage to live on the world. That is the reason why the survey show us that the rich men, especially who do not work, are more likely get depression. In turn, if people who attend work, they will learn some skills about how to surmount the difficulties, they will know how to face troubles and they can deal with the frustrations easily. When they are in front of difficulties, what they think is how to conquer the difficulties and challenge themselves instead give up life. After they success, they will more cherish the rest life and enjoy the life as much as they can. Only people who has experieced l difficulties, they will know the nature of happiness.

 On the other hand, if people don’t attend work, they will not experience the hardship of life, namely that they will not know how fantastic their life is. Affluent life makes people more vulnerable. When people who do not work experienced some frustration, they will easily be knocked down. Then they will complain the unfair of life and no courage to live on the world. That is the reason why the survey show us that the rich men, especially who do not work, are more likely get depression. In turn, if people who attend work, they will learn some skills about how to surmount the difficulties, they will know how to face troubles and they can deal with the frustrations easily. When they are in front of difficulties, what they think is how to conquer the difficulties and challenge themselves instead give up life. After they success, they will more cherish the rest life and enjoy the life as much as they can. Only people who has experieced l difficulties, they will know the nature of happiness.

 

 From the discussion above, I can safely draw the conclusion that people who do not work because they have money are seldomly happy. 

 


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-11-4 22:33:50编辑过]
地板
发表于 2007-11-4 22:35:00 | 显示全部楼层

修改了一下,不知道为什么改完以后再发第三段老出来重合的。。。

5#
发表于 2007-11-7 18:40:00 | 显示全部楼层

我不是,我差不多写了将近一个小时呢

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