[求助]关于独立写作的问题

skyes100

先舖一篇独立写作编号05的作文（按李笑来老师书的编号）。具体想问下有什么不对，因为研究OG以后，觉得这样像3分作文，可是个人觉得OG独立写作第一篇范文实在是奇怪...大家多给点意见，特别是结构要如何改，因为觉得好像掉入模板的怪圈了，我就是觉得结构太像OG3分的了...还有就是其他的意见如果可以具体点就更好了，比如如果认为句子太简单，麻烦各位把我里面的句子改下舖上来。谢谢了...对了对了，还有一点，我把文章放进word里，发现标点和单词连在一起的地方是显示错别，那问下是不是打完符号要和下一个单词空一格？

Recently, a large factory is announced to be built near my community. Those who opposite this program hold the opinion that it will be unfavorable to build such a large factory near our community. This view is challenged, however, by some other citizens who hold the opinion that this program will be beneficial to our economic. From my point of view, I prefer the attitude of the latter, because I feel the advantages it will bring about outweigh its disadvantages.

 

I concede that there are some minor disadvantages of building a factory near my community, including air pollution and lots of noise. For instance, once there was a small furniture factory built around my home. The noise it made made me unable to sleep as usual, and the air was polluted. And many people could not stand with it after one month, so it had to move away.

 

There may be one or two disadvantages of building a factory near community,however,as far as I am concerned there are far more advantages.First,the level of economy of our neiborhood will be elevated.Like the city of Sanming,it is a city booming based on a iron factory.Also the citizens' income is advanced,as the increasing jobs that the new factory  provide,dwellers can be trained to be a employable skilled worker to earn their lifes easilier.

 

Another reason drives to backup the program is that it bring a more convenient traffic to our community.It is no doubt that a large factory needs a convenient means of transportation,and we can benefit it also.After the new system of transportation is built,the condition of the traffic can be improved.We can save lot of time we spent rushing to our office,we don't have to eat fast food every morning,and we have more time to accompany our families.Isn't that pretty good?

 

And we can do something to hurdle the headache it brings.For example,we can use the increasing tax it pay for to deal with the air pollution or something else.Also the government can require it use the advanced machines to reduce the noises it makes.

 

Obviously,all the analysis justifies the sound view that we have no alternative choice but to build a large factory.Because it can bring creature comfort and a more convenient traffic.