居然写了500多字,请大家猛拍!越写好象越没有感觉,郁闷,简直是在堆砌

永不飘落的雪

100. Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

Nowadays, there is a widespread concern over the issue that the governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology or on more basic needs.
The decisions will very from one person to another and the question of how to spend this money is difficult to answer, but what is undeniable is that computer technology is playing great role in our lives. With all aspects carefully considered, I think to spend more money to computer technology development would be a better choice. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, the computer technology is the basic science technology of our world. With the advent of computer and other corresponding technologies, great changes have taken place in decades.
Let’s take the United States as an example. IBM and Microsoft are two giant computer companies, while the first specialized in computer and the later control almost all the softwares, the United States become the country where computer technology is highest developed. The two companies have earned huge amount of money in the past thirty years, and as the result, the United States also greatly benefit from the computer technology. An observation shows that, 60% of the GDP of United States is directly or indirectly come from the development of computer technology.

Second, computer technology is changing our lives better and better.
The day-to-day life of us offers lots of examples. Computer helps us to study, to work and to enjoy life. It makes our lives more convenient and more colorful. This comment is made from generation to generation and it is always true. It has never been truer than it is today. For example, when you want to send a photo or a important document to your friends, there is no need for you to take bus to go to the post-office, you may just visit the Internet and send them by E-mail, and it will only cost you several seconds. According to a recent survey from New York Times, nowadays over 80% of our work and dairy life are depending on computer technology. So, it is likely to say that we would better to spend more money to computer technology.

Admittedly, to spend money as much as possible on basic needs has it own merit, such as to help the poorest people, to decrease the criminals, and protect the basic human rights. But I do believe that if we spend this money on computer technology development, we will definitely earn more money to meet those basic needs..


To sum it up, it is a very good idea to spend money as much as possible on computer technology development and it is high time that we took some measures to do this job. It deserves to be the priority of giving. To turn caring into action, we need to see a problem, see a solution, and see the impact. The time will come when computer can do almost everything. It is inevitable, but it is not imminent.

永不飘落的雪

以下是引用lifeiteng在2007-9-8 10:28:00的发言：

看版主好像也不是每一个都看，我的也是挂着没人理睬。我就不客气给你改一改啦。。

不是我想炫耀我英语多好，或者是你英语多差，没有这回事。大家都是第二语言，就不要有这种想法。只是共同进步，共同学习而已。实话，我就是想帮你改一改，因为你有这个要求，我帮你改也算是提高自我。真的不要觉得我说话哪里太刺，心里不高兴哈，只是想帮你这个忙而已。

100. Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

Nowadays, (按照版主的意思，改Currently)there is a widespread concern over the issue that （whether） the governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology or on more basic needs.(我个人感觉吧，这里的两个or好像感觉特别奇怪，就好像句子该完却又没完。)
The decisions will very （拼写错误哈）from one person to another and the question of how to spend this money is difficult to answer,（这里还是改成句号） but （这个but用的不太好，按本身走就很别扭，个人改成句号后，用连接词Still）what is undeniable is that computer technology is playing (少个 a )great role in our lives. With all aspects carefully considered, I think to spend（这里应该是spending哈） more money to（这里应该是 on哈） computer technology development would be a better choice. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.（这句话好像不必要了，个人认为写不写真无所谓，写就得把原因都说明白，不写考官也能看出来你的几个段子，这样来一句没有意义的话，感觉不对劲哈）

To begin with,（不知道是不是魔版，要么就写Firstly算了，也算是正式的书写） the computer technology is the basic science technology of our world. With the advent of computer and other corresponding technologies, great changes have taken place in decades.
Let’s take the United States as an example. IBM and Microsoft are two giant computer companies, while the first specialized in computer and the later control（这个时态不对哈） almost all （这里不如用个the majority of ）the softwares, （少个关键的因果词，用hence也行，consequently也行）the United States become（时态阿，became） the country where computer technology is highest （这里用highly） developed. The two companies have earned huge amount of money（不如写个gained great profit）in the past（个人感觉读起来不顺口，好像last更舒服，只是感觉哈） thirty years, and as the result（这个是短语，as a result）, the United States also greatly benefit from the computer technology. An observation （感觉observation 好像是说人的吧..魔版也是survey 阿）shows that,（这里应该不用逗号的） 60% of the GDP of United States（不如写个the US GDP） is directly or indirectly come （写个came directly or indirectly）
    from the development of computer technology.

Second,（如果第一段开头你用First,这里你就用Second，看看你的三段好像不是有明显的指示词，这个Second写到这里好像不对劲，不如来个 Another perspective 或者是 Moreover, In addition一类的） computer technology is changing our lives better and better（你这可就不当了哈，better and better 就是太儿化了，写个dramatically 或者是 with great improvements 好像好一点）.
The day-to-day life of us offers lots of examples.（这句话写得可不准确。这个offers lots of examples一般是物吧，你写个The daily life of ours exemplifies this perspective 或者 The daily life of ours is a good example ） Computer helps (一个电脑吗？可是帮助我们阿 Computers help) us to study, to work and to enjoy life（其实这里逗号以后不用to了，就是to study, work and enjoy life）. It makes our lives more convenient and more colorful. （这个变一下吧，They provide our lives with convenience and enjoyment我不会变多彩了。。原谅哈）This comment is made from generation to generation and it is always true.（好像没有指明哪一个comment哈，个人感觉这句话多余了） It has never been truer than it is today. （怎么感觉写true这样的词太个性化了，不如不要了吧）For example, when you want to send a photo or a important document to your friends, there is no need for you to take bus to go to the post-office, you may just visit the Internet and send them by E-mail, and it will only cost you several seconds. （这个例子说实话写得太长了，写到一个句子里面可不怎么好啊。断开一部分，并且少用一些you的词，不如写one。
   我改一下哈。For example, when sending a photo or an important document to your friends, one does not need to walk to the mail box or the post-office。Instead, one can get access to the Internet and send them by e-mail, which takes only seconds to accomplish 其实我也就是给个意见，简单一点还是清楚，没必要写得太细）
    According to a recent survey from New York Times, nowadays over 80% of our work and dairy life are depending on computer technology.（别老用调查阿，现在我知道你为什么之前用另一个词了，是不是不要重复阿，可是真的没有那么多调查吧。个人感觉例子就足够说明问题了，别干这种画蛇添足的事啊（也许也不是吧）） So, it is likely to say that we would better to spend more money to computer technology.

Admittedly, to spend （这里还是用spending吧，只是感觉好一点）
    money as much as possible on basic needs has it own merit, such as to help the poorest （这个形容词可太绝对了阿）people, to decrease the criminals（率要写出来，criminal rates）, and （得有to）protect the basic human rights. But I do （这里do好像用着挺奇怪，还是删了吧）
    believe that if we spend this money on computer technology development, we will definitely earn more money （earn more money 可不对题阿，钱也不算万能吧，就去掉钱，写个be able to）to meet those basic needs..


To sum it up, it is a very good （这个写得不怎么样，换我喜欢的wiser，呵呵）idea to spend money as much as possible （别老抄原题目，一定要改出来一个自己的，不然总感觉你在用引用一个别的东西一样）on computer technology development and it is high time （这个可不理解了阿，什么意思啊，我们早该这么做？用the right time）that we took （改for us to take）some measures（这里我很不确定，个人觉得用measurements ）to do this job. It deserves to be the priority of giving（这是什么意思哈？giving…没写完阿）. To turn caring into action, we need to see a problem, see a solution, and see the impact. The time will come when computer can do almost everything. It is inevitable, but it is not imminent.

结尾好像都不知道写得什么了，云里雾里的。起码给一个正常一点的结尾，说说这样确实是好啦，我们这么做一定有好处啦，一类的）

不论你现在写得是好是坏，只要你写了，就有提高。别感到灰心或者是难过，如果没有那就最好。大家共同努力吧。

感谢感谢！！！！！

结尾用了比较多模板，写累了就没仔细看，呵呵。

建议我觉得都很有启发，我认真学习，呵呵