请帮忙看一篇自认为自己写的比较好的作文

littlehen

1.there are some grammar mistakes

2.some expressions are strange in native speakers' eyes (I am not, but I can feel, hehe)

3.some words and phrases are improper

4.structure can be improved

some suggestions:

Some people demonstrate(insist or argue) that teachers should take the responsibility for motivating students to learn, but from my perspective this point is thoroughly jeopardize(it is a verb, cannot be used here). It is impossible to make teachers be responsible for all developments of students (in) mentally and physically. Teachers are sources from which students can get knowledges not masters who should create the kind of students.(this sentence is awkward)

  According to my understanding about the learning system, students only can motivate themselves undoubtedly(don’t understand why use this word), no matter in class or out of class. If students would not like to study by themselves, no one can change even help their habits(maybe “help them change their habits” is better). I am a best example for(of) this case. Biology course is my least favorite couse when I was in middle school, because I do(am) not interested in understanding the behaviors and minds of animals. My biology teacher, class advisor and my parents ever tried to help me aware(aware is an adj, use realize) how important the biology is. The consequence is there is(wrong tense) barely great impact on me. Fortunately after ownning a pet, I became to increase my interesting on
            (interest in)animals, then I changed my mind about biology couse and thought it is worth to learn(worth learning).

  Subsequently(improper use), teachers help students to confirm  knowledges they get credible(awkward and difficult to understand), but not
            creat styles of students(awkward). For instance, if mathematics  teachers motivate Bill to reaserch math, there perhaps won't be(虚拟语气要用would not be) Microsoft Kingdom. Furthermore(in other words), teachers are guiders not commanders. Teachers have no sense to command students to learn something they are not volunteer to do. Students need be guilded but not aggressively lead. 

  Last, because currently the profession of teacher is already endowed with so many burdens that teachers have no enough energy to concentrate on student's motivation. Some parents hope that teachers can be more care about whether their students study hard and seriously, but they forget teachers need to prepare course(redundant) lecture and revise assgiments. Those are definitely more actual responsible for teachers. 

  Consequently I cast doubt on the statement that teachers are responsible for motivating students learn. Obviously students should learn to motivate themselves, because that is the key factor due to whether they will sucsse in the furture.