ChaseDream

标题: 婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会 [打印本页]

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-9 21:52
标题: 婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

托福作文，小样儿，我来了
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-681022-1-1.html

作者: 大猫秦qtt 时间: 2012-3-9 22:00
加油。嗯。作为同名的人。

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-9 22:04
加油亲爱的~来顶一个！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-10 20:15
标题: 关于同名
莫非咱俩一个名字？

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-10 20:16
谢谢晨依~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-10 20:17
标题: 3月10日独立作文
第一次写托福作文，凑合看吧~
As students get into the university, they pay more efforts on self-studies including the homework. However, they may not able to get it done on their own. As a result, some students have to turn somebody to help. From my part, I prefer him or her to ask me for help. My reasons are as follows.

Turning to me for help is quite convenient a way to get homework done. As we both live in the same dormitory, we can easily drop by and chat with each other. When a classmate has some question, he or she just needs knock on my door and asks, " Could you please do me a favor with my homework?" Opposite to a professional tutor, it may take more time and energy to get the help. For example, we have to make an appointment before come to his office via mobile phone, and we probably wait for a while in case that another one is discussing problems at the same moment.

What's more, a professional tutor does not mean talking freely. Since we are from different ages, we have various viewpoints on issues, as well as approaches to solve the questions in our homework, where the generation gap takes place. When communicating with a professional tutor, students may be a little nervous and do not know how to react if they can not catch him, but only listening to him with head nods. After all, it is a teacher that we are facing to. Instead, they feel more comfortable to talk homework with a classmates. Therefore, I recommend my classmates discuss homework troubles with me. In that way ,we can not only solve homework, but also share something interesting happened during the class. So you see, ask me for help is truly free and enjoyable.

I admit that a professional tutor is more authoritative and helpful to finger out the homework, as he obtains a deeper knowledge than me. However, the young usually have much more passion to be engaged in studies. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Psychology Funds(CJPF), over 85% of the respondents showed a fact that the youth are more creative than the old for they insist on think out new solutions to something hard while the adult tends to follow the existed ones.

Considering all the analysis above, for it is not only more convenient, comortable and free as well, I recommend my classmates to ask me for help.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-11 01:04
明天有双学位的课，晚上给你修改哈~

直接贴在这里啦、
As students get into the university, they pay more efforts on self-studies including the homework. However, they may not (be) able to get it done on their own. As a result, some students have to turn somebody to help(turn to sb. For help). From my part, I prefer him or her to ask me for help. My reasons are as follows.

Turning to me for help is quite convenient a(可以放在quite前面) way to get homework done. As we both live in the same dormitory, we can easily drop by and chat with each other. When a classmate has some question, he or she just needs knock on my door and asks, " Could you please do me a favor with my homework?" Opposite to(好像不可以放在句首吧，可以用Contrary to) a professional tutor, it may take more time and energy to get the help. (这里it指代的是什么？我觉得这个逻辑不大对头。与找老师相反，它需要花更长的时间得到帮助。)For example, we have to make an appointment before come to his office via mobile phone, and we probably wait for a while in case that another one is discussing problems at the same moment.

What's more, a professional tutor does not mean talking freely(专业的老师并非意味着自由交谈？). Since we are from(at) different ages, we have various viewpoints on issues, as well as approaches to solve the questions in our homework, where the generation gap takes place. When communicating with a professional tutor, students may be a little nervous and do not know how to react if they can not catch him, but only listen~~ing~~ to him with head nods. After all, it is a teacher that(who) we are facing to. Instead, they feel more comfortable to talk(about)homework with a classmates(单复数哦). Therefore, I recommend my classmates discuss homework troubles(有点Chinglish了，可以说difficulties in schoolwork) with me. In that way ,we can not only solve homework(这个搭配可不好), but also share something interesting happened during the class. So you see(我觉得这里用you不大好额，感觉好像在让考官ask you for help…建议换个关联词), ask me for help is truly free and enjoyable.

I admit that(直接Admittedly,) a professional tutor is more authoritative and helpful to finger out the homework, as he obtains a deeper knowledge than me. However, the young usually have much more passion to be engaged in studies. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Psychology Funds(CJPF), over 85% of the respondents showed a(the较好) fact that the youth are more creative than the old for they insist on think out(俩动词连一起了、)new solutions to something hard while the adult tends to follow the existed ones.

Considering all the analysis above, for it is not only more convenient, comortable(comfortable打错了应该是)and free as well(not only和as well不大搭吧~), I recommend my classmates to ask me for help.

Conclusion：我觉得作为第一篇，你的质量比我的好多啦~思路很清晰，行文较流畅。建议嘛就是注意一下几个表达不要太中式咯、还有是注意表达能多样化一点~比如homework可以改成assignment啊schoolwork等~继续努力哈^.^

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-11 21:46
恩，没问题~
我这就改完了，今天晚上你就能看到

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-11 21:50
3.11 独立
这次写得有点仓促，一顿扯，用的拆分法写了学生、医生、司机应该有耐心。
欢迎批评~
People are always on the going: we can easily get dishes prepared with the advent of the microwave; we are able to reach remote places via automobiles. Living in a society with more fierce competitions, people are used to be the rush anywhere and any when in order to get more opportunities. And when it comes to patience, people tend to say, "Ignore it, I do not care!" However, I do support that we adhere to the patience.

We cannot get any promotions without patience academically. Everybody in the campus is engaged on his papers or homework since he wants to get good grades. I have a friend named Sarah who is really hard working on everything. Nevertheless, she is a quicker on study. One time, an electrical professor asked us to carry an experiment out within two weeks and then hand in a report. During that period, she turned to be impatient and told me that she did not wanna waste too much time on such a boring experiment. Then, she kept herself in the laboratory for only one hour every day. As a result, she got a "B" mark. From this little thing, I get to know that we can only receive our academic(?这个需要写成academical) achievements with perseverance.

Patience is necessary for a doctor in the hospital. Doctors and nurses are likely to meet more emergencies than others. However, they must keep patient to tackle the problems, For example, when a doctor have an operation for the patient who has a heart disease. He is responsible to keep in mind with every process. And then being as patient as possible to carry out the operation. If there any mistakes takes place during it, he may make the patient never open his eyes. So you see, what a serious job it is! Therefore, everyone works in the hospital have the obligation to be patience.

Patience is a excellent manner on aspect of traffic ways. For most of us make money in metropolises, we have to face a large number of bus, private cars and passengers. Therefore, it is likely for a traffic jam to occur. People usually became anxious and even lose temper as they push the horn continuously and drive at a higher speed if they get out of the jam. At that time, there is a bigger possibility for a traffic accident occur. According to a recent survey conducted by China Traffic Institute(CTI), over 85% traffic issues happened due to the impatience of drivers.

Considering the analysis above, various working pots, such as the university, hospital and the roads, all need patience to move on successfully. So you see, we must do our best to cultivate our patience. Only with this strategy, will we get promoted for our careers.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-12 08:20
标题: 回复晨依评的第一篇文
知道了，我会多注意体会美式用法的~

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-12 12:56
.11 独立
我来玩找茬咯~~~

People are always on the going（on the go）: we can easily get dishes prepared with the advent of the microwave; we are able to reach remote places via automobiles (by vehicles). Living in a society (filled) with more fierce competitions, people are used to be the rush (in a rush) anywhere and any when (anytime) in order to get more opportunities. And when it comes to patience, people tend to say, "Ignore it, I do not care!" However, I do support that we adhere to the patience. (开头好棒滴说！！！)

We cannot get any promotions without patience academically. Everybody in the campus（on campus） is engaged on（in） his papers or homework since he wants to get (acquire) good grades. I have a friend named Sarah who is really hard working on everything. Nevertheless, she is a quicker on study. One time, an electrical professor asked us to carry an experiment out (carry out an experiment) within two weeks and then hand in a report. During that period, she turned to be impatient and told me that she did not wanna(写作还是要尽量书面化滴) waste too much time on such a boring experiment. Then, she kept herself in the laboratory for only one hour every day. As a result, she got a "B" mark（a grade of B）. From this little thing（删去）, I get to know that we can only receive(win) our academic(?这个需要写成academical) achievements with perseverance.

Patience is(also)necessary for a doctor in the hospital. Doctors and nurses are likely to meet more emergencies than others. However, they must keep patient to tackle the problems, For example, when a doctor have an operation for the patient who has a heart disease. He is responsible to keep in mind with every process (bear every single process clearly in mind). And then being (be) as patient as possible to carry out the operation. If there any mistakes(minor mistake) takes place during it, he may make the patient never open his eyes(fail and leave the patient eye-closed forever). So you see, what a serious job it is (responsibility he takes)! Therefore, everyone works in the hospital have the obligation to be patience (patient).

(In addition,) Patience is a (an) excellent manner on aspect of traffic ways（小别扭）. For most of us (who) make money in metropolises, we have to face a large number of bus(buses), private cars and passengers. Therefore, it is likely for a traffic jam to occur(constantly). People usually became anxious and even lose temper as they push the horn continuously (,) and drive at a higher speed if they get out of the jam. At that time, there is a bigger possibility for a traffic accident occur(删去). According to a recent survey conducted by China Traffic Institute(CTI), over 85% traffic issues happened due to the impatience of drivers.

Considering the analysis above, various working pots, such as the university, hospital and the roads, all need（call for our） patience to move on successfully. So you see, we must do our best to cultivate our patience. Only with this strategy, will we get promoted for our careers.(呼呼，这个再升华一点更好~)

To Tingting~~~~ I really really appreciate your idea and organization!Maybe try more conjunctive phrases at the beginning of each paragraph next time!

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-12 22:06
标题: 3月12日独立
容易得出观点，但是之后想了好久……中间写了两段，请带上板凳。

Money enables us to purchase inviting foods, excellent clothes and comfortable houses. However, we cannot get a truehearted friendship with money. From my perspective, money does not necessarily mean friends, and the two can be good friends despite one person is richer than the other.

To begin with, the two come together as they share the common interests instead of one's fortune. There is no better cases than my own experience. My favorite friend Mary is an outgoing, warm-hearted and well-fixed girl, who is expertize in various instruments, such as the piano and violin. Exactly, I am also into the piano that much. When we met each other for the first time, we talked a lot on our views pianistically, not mention the matter of money. Then, we has been keeping in touch with each other. So you see, we two become good friends not because of money but the same habit. A recent survey conducted by China Psychology Funds(CPF) showed a fact that over 85% of the respondents confessed they tend to make friends with people who has the same habits. So we can come to the conclusion that most people become closed friends because of the identical affections.

Furthermore, people who are wealthier can not only make friends with the less rich one, but also does a financial help at a urgent situation. Although friendship has nothing to do with wealth, money do come into effect sometimes. Once a person come across an emergency such as a terrible disease which needs a great deal of money to get operated while he is short in savings. Somehow his closed friend who has lots of money free at hand, then he rushes to the hospital and lands a hand selflessly. How moving it is! Which just acts out an old saying: a friend in need is a friend in deed. Under this circumstance will people grasp his lifetime companion.

Considering all analysis above, we can get into the core that two people who chase for the similar dream can easily get to be good friends just as the motto says: birds with the same feathers fly together. What is more, the richer one can really offer a help when something serious happened all of a sudden.Therefore, money cannot hinder people from receive sincere friendship.

作者: jasonliu119 时间: 2012-3-12 22:52
Money enables us to purchase inviting foods, excellent clothes and comfortable houses. However, we cannot get a truehearted friendship with money. From my perspective, money does not necessarily mean friends, and the two can be good friends despite one person is richer than the other.

To begin with, the two come together as they share the common interests instead of one's fortune. There is no better cases than my own experience. My favorite friend Mary is an outgoing, warm-hearted and well-fixed girl, who is expertize in various instruments, such as the piano and violin. Exactly, I am also into the piano that much. When we met each other for the first time, we talked a lot on our views pianistically, not mention the matter of money. Then, we has been keeping in touch with each other. So you see, we two become good friends not because of money but the same habit. A recent survey conducted by China Psychology Funds(CPF) showed a fact that over 85% of the respondents confessed they tend to make friends with people who has the same habits. So we can come to the conclusion that most people become closed friends because of the identical affections.

Furthermore, people who are wealthier can not only make friends with the less rich one, but also does a financial help at a urgent situation. Although friendship has nothing to do with wealth, money do come into effect sometimes. Once a person come across an emergency such as a terrible disease which needs a great deal of money to get operated while he is short in savings. Somehow his closed friend who has lots of money free at hand, then he rushes to the hospital and lands a hand selflessly. How moving it is! Which just acts out an old saying: a friend in need is a friend in deed. Under this circumstance will people grasp his lifetime companion.（感觉这个理由不是很好。题目是要你论述钱不同能否交好朋友；你则是说已经结交了的、有钱的朋友很有用——这里在GRE里逻辑肯定是很有问题的，不过托福可能没关系吧，我不是很了解。或者可以着重表述为钱的资助能让朋友关系变得更好，这样就切题了）

Considering all analysis above, we can get into the core that two people who chase for the similar dream can easily get to be good friends just as the motto says: birds with the same feathers fly together. What is more, the richer one can really offer a help when something serious （改为unfortunate好点吧，serious的事老外应该不懂）happened all of a sudden.Therefore, money cannot hinder people from receive sincere friendship.

写的很好啊！我都挑不出什么语言的毛病！不过美中不足就是只有两个主体段，能再写一个就好了！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-13 08:10
标题: To Crystaljoy
还感觉那个在校园里in the campus 好点？
另外，academic 是学术上的，知识上的，而academical是学院的，研究部门的意思，所以用academic achievement更好（在google HongKong 上搜，academic的结果有581,000,000条，而academical只有2,310,000，所以还是academic好吧？）
我以后要更加注意书面化用语，还有连词的使用，感谢Crystaljoy的耐心指导！
fighting, both you and me~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-13 08:15
标题: 回复Jason
确实，值得注意，我一直逻辑不太好。

第二个主段，我想论述的是有钱的朋友可以在你需要帮助的时候do you a favor，正因为如此人们不要排斥和有钱人交朋友，这样从侧面论述出来有钱人也可以交到好朋友……
是不是很绕？

昨天事太多了，所以有点仓促，以后一定保质保量！

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-13 15:13

还感觉那个在校园里in the campus 好点？
另外，academic 是学术上的，知识上的，而academical是学院的，研究部门的意思，所以用academic achievement更好（在google HongKong 上搜，academic的结果有581,000,000条，而academical只有2,310,000，所以还是academic好吧？）
我以后要更加注意书面化用语，还有连词的使用，感谢Crystaljoy的耐心指导！
fighting, both you and me~

-- by 会员婷婷connie (2012/3/13 8:10:00)

in the campus 也对吧, 网上有。但是牛津字典是on campus (没有the).E: She lives on campus=(within the main university area)
academic 吧。查牛津，没有academicial这个词。

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-13 22:17
标题: 回鸟儿大神~
我当时查的时候打的是on the campus，难怪，粗心了。
谢谢鸟儿的提醒哦

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-13 22:18
标题: 3.13 独立
终于写完了，抱歉，今天逛大街去了^^
A primary school teacher needs to be kept in school for 8 hours while a bus driver has to spend his time from dawn to late night. So you see, people make money by various jobs which has different demand on working-hours. Among these options, I prefer to work five days a week with shorter hours, rather than work only three days a week but for a longer period.

First of all, I support that working in a shorter hours for five days enables people to keep fit more easily than working in long time. As people work in a shorter period every day, they own more control of their time. In this way, most people tend to be more interested in gymnasium where they can take part in different sports, such as tennis and basketball. Then, they will develop a healthy habit of doing exercise regularly. Hence, those who work in a shorter hours every day are more likely to stay good build. While a long-time worker has a less flexible time to exercise. Therefore, a regular work is more physically reasonable than a long-time but short-day work.

Besides, a short-time work for five days provide people with a better mental condition than a long-time work. Since people need not to be in the office or a project's scene, he is more likely to spend time with his family members and closed friends. Take my friend Lily for example who works in a kindergarten. From Monday to Friday, she comes to the place at 8 o'clock in morning and she just arrives home at half past 4, then she is off during the weekends. So, she can use her spare time on the walk with her parents every night after dinner, or she is able to chat with her friends as well. Therefore, she enjoys herself that much with a better appreciation of family love and friendship, which keeps her in a good mood and make her face shine every day.

In addition, working in a shorter time promotes working efficiency. It is more possible to make people bored and tired after a long time work. For instance, when a person stares at his computer screen over 3 hours, he will feel his eyes exhausted. Then, he may not be as patient as he was before. As a result, there is an increasing chance for minor mistakes. Nevertheless, when people are required to work during less time, he will be refreshed and prepared via a small rest. The other day, he must be energetic enough and thus work more efficiently which does create a larger benefit for the company.

Comparing the two working types, the advantages of short-time work outnumber those of the other one, for the short-time work can not only improve people' conditions physically and mentally, but also give a rise to the working efficiency. In a word, I urge to give the fist priority to the short-time regular work.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-14 21:24
严重超时，无语~
There is an skyrocketing number of college students, as parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus. I put my first priority on universities whose graduates can find good jobs instead of those which are abundant for famous professors.

To begin with, universities which get its students prepared for future careers grant graduates a sense of happiness. According to a report delivered by China College Graduates Institute(CCGI), over 83% of students confessed that they tend to be of significant complacence when succeeding in the job competitions. Take my gregarious brother Tom for example, he studied in a college which is expertize on majors of teaching. At the beginning, he was quite disappointed. However, when he fortunately became a teacher in a famous English school where pays highly after his graduation. He felt his effort paid back, then he told everyone that his choice was right and he was fairly happy delighted. So you see, a university which has a higher rate of working is more reliable and makes its graduates happier.

Besides, though some universities are famous for its professors, people think it is more useful to enter the university where they are able to obtain more useful things during working. Everyone has to face the fact that even if he is accepted by a reputated reputable university like Peking University, he still needs to find a job after graduation. However, he may be defeated in the interview by someone who receives high education in a university where students are well cultivated for different job skills. According to a certain Human Resource manager, he said what he look upon is students' abilities instead of the fame of the university where the students are graduated from. Hence, we can know that learning working skills directly saves more time than listening to a famous professor.

Furthermore, taking courses in a college where graduates can be easily employed is more efficient than the other type. Actually, every students' aims are simple, namely, finding a proper job. In a well-known university, people get a deep accumulation from famous professors. Opposite to those famed universities, students take courses which are more linkable to their future works instead of waste a lot of time on something of less applicational applied value. Additonally Moreover, they have a better control of their extra time and they grasp more opportunities via hanging around in the employing scene. So, it looks that the second students are more efficient in the process of searching jobs.

Considering all analysis above, we come to the conclusion that students feel happier, more useful and efficient to study in a university where graduates can find good jobs than those more famous universities.

作者: 越人歌 时间: 2012-3-14 22:33
A primary school teacher needs to be kept in school for 8 hours while a bus driver has to spend his time from dawn to late night. So you see, people make money by various jobs which has different demand on working-hours. Among these options, I prefer to work five days a week with shorter hours, rather than work only three days a week but for a longer period.

First of all, I support that working in a shorter hours for five days enables people to keep fit more easily than working in long time. As people work in a shorter period every day, they own more control of their time. In this way, most people tend to be more interested in gymnasium where they can take part in different sports, such as tennis and basketball. Then, they will develop a healthy habit of doing exercise regularly. Hence, those who work in for shorter hours every day are more likely to stay good build. While a long-time worker has a less flexible time to exercise. Therefore, a regular work is more physically reasonable than a long-time but short-day work.

Besides, short-time work for five days provides
people with a better mental condition than a long-time work. Since people need not to be in the office or a project's scene, he is more likely to spend time with his family members and closed friends. Take my friend Lily for example who works in a kindergarten. From Monday to Friday, she comes to the place at 8 o'clock in morning and she just arrives home at half past 4, then she is off during the weekends. So, she can use her spare time on the walk with her parents every night after dinner, or she is able to chat with her friends as well. Therefore, she enjoys herself that much with a better appreciation of family love and friendship, which keeps her in a good mood and make her face shine every day.

In addition, working in a shorter time promotes working efficiency. It is more possible to make people bored and tired after a long time work. For instance, when a person stares at his computer screen over 3 hours, he will feel his eyes exhausted. Then, he may not be as patient as he was before. As a result, there is an increasing chance for minor mistakes. Nevertheless, when people are required to work during less time, he will be refreshed and prepared via a small rest. The other day, he must be energetic enough and thus work more efficiently which does create a larger benefit for the company.

Comparing the two working types, the advantages of short-time work outnumber those of the other one, for the short-time work can not only improve people' conditions physically and mentally, but also give a rise to the working efficiency. In a word, I urge to give the first priority to the short-time regular work.
额，感觉文章的辩论不是很有说服力，执着住了short-time work 这个点，感觉很多例子可以被反方利用的样子
其他遣词造句啥的真心没啥可说的了，感觉不是我这种级别的改得出来的，491个字的大牛啊。。膜拜之。。。

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-15 02:19
There is an skyrocketing number of college students, as parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus.（As parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus，there is an skyrocketing number of college students.我觉得换下位置，读起来比较顺。）I put my first priority on universities whose graduates can find good jobs instead of those which are abundant for famous professors.

To begin with, universities which get its students prepared for future careers grant（不是很恰当，grant是准许，同意的意思吧，但是我也想不出换什么词好） graduates a sense of happiness. According to a report delivered by China College Graduates Institute(CCGI), over 83% of students confessed that they tend to be of significant complacence when succeeding in the job competitions. Take my gregarious brother Tom for example, he studied in a college which is expertize on majors of teaching. At the beginning, he was quite disappointed. However, when he fortunately became a teacher in a famous English school where pays highly after his graduation. He felt his effort paid back, then he told everyone that his choice was right and he was fairly happy delighted（the success and happiness he own today ascribe to his once choice.纯属个人意见啊）. So you see (we can come to a conclusion), a university which has a higher rate of working is more reliable and makes its graduates happier.

Besides, though some universities are famous for its professors, people think it is more useful to enter the university where they are able to obtain more useful things during working. Everyone has to face the fact that even if he is accepted by a reputated(忘记删掉了吧) reputable university like Peking University, he still needs to find a job after graduation. However, he may be defeated in the interview by someone who receives high education in a university where students are well cultivated for different job skills.（这句可以划去，不利于你的论点）According to a certain Human Resource manager, he said what he look （looks）upon is students' abilities instead of the fame of the university where the students are graduated from. Hence, we can know that learning working skills directly saves more time than listening to a famous professor.

Furthermore, taking courses in a college where graduates can be easily employed is more efficient than the other type. Actually, every students' aims are simple, namely, finding a proper job. In a well-known university, people get a deep accumulation from famous professors. Opposite to those famed universities, students take courses which are more linkable to their future works instead of waste（wasting） a lot of time on something of less applicational applied value. Additonally Moreover（留一个）, they(can) have a better control of their extra time and they（可以划去，一个主语就够了，还是我觉得） grasp more opportunities via(前面用过了，换一个吧) hanging around in the employing scene. So, it looks that the second students are more efficient in the process of searching jobs. （觉得表达得不太对，怪怪的）

Considering all analysis above, we come to the conclusion that students feel happier, more useful and efficient to study in a university where graduates can find good jobs than those more famous universities.

很赞的作品！！！你的字数好多啊，我每次怎么挤也都撑死300+。强！！！
文章的结构性很强，观点也很明确，例证与论点相辅相成，非常有说服力。

不过可能就像你说的还是有些中式化。

小错误估计是由于你在卡时间的时候比较急犯下的，下次注意吧，我都没卡时间呢，呜呜，每次都好久。

有些地方都是我自己感觉的，你也知道我的水平啦，明我再让鸟儿姐帮忙看一下，害怕给你改错。

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-15 15:28
在小刺猬修改的基础上，加了一点个人意见（红色）。可以参考下吼。

There is an skyrocketing number of college students, as parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus.（As parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus，there is an（a）skyrocketing number of college students.我觉得换下位置，读起来比较顺。）I put my first priorityon(over我记得有词组是take priority over) universities whose graduates can find good jobs instead of those which are abundant for(are abundant in ) famous professors.

To begin with, universities which get its (their)students prepared for future careers grant（不是很恰当，grant是准许，同意的意思吧，但是我也想不出换什么词好）(是想表达赋予的意思？endow sth with sb? 或者保证？Ensure? ) graduates a sense of happiness. According to a report delivered by China College Graduates Institute(CCGI), over 83% of students confessed that they tend to be of significant complacence when succeeding in the job (searching) competitions. Take my gregarious (好！) brother Tom for example, he studied in a college which is expertize on （was superb in）majors of teaching. At the beginning, he was quite disappointed. However, when he fortunately became a teacher in a famous English school（有点歧义呢）where pays highly after his graduation（无主语）.（however, when he fortunately became an English teacher in a famous school, all the effort was repaid. ）He felt his effort paid back, then he told everyone that his choice was right and he was fairly happy delighted（the success and happiness he own today ascribe to his once choice.纯属个人意见啊）. So you see (we can come to a conclusion), a university which has a higher rate of working is more reliable and makes its graduates happier.(层次有点乱。试试 whose graduates enjoy a reputation of high employment benefits the students a lot.)

Besides, though some universities are famous for its（注意指代，一定要能找到指代的N。这里就没有单数N，需要用their） professors, people think it is more useful to enter the university where they are able to obtain more useful things during working（practical skills for career development）. Everyone has to face the fact that even if he is accepted by a reputated(忘记删掉了吧) reputable university like Peking University, he still needs to find a job after graduation. However, he may be defeated in the interview by someone who receives high education in a university where students are well cultivated for different job skills.（这句可以划去，不利于你的论点）(觉得留下可以，最好改成by someone who receives education in an ordinary university where professors are far less but students are…这样就可以和北大形成对比)According to a certain Human Resource manager, he said what he look （looks）upon is students' abilities instead of the fame of the university where the students are graduated from. Hence, we can know that learning working skills directly saves more time（plays a more significant role 否则与下一观点重复）than listening to a famous professor (in career development).

Furthermore, taking courses in a college where graduates can be easily employed is more efficient than the other type. Actually, every students' aims are simple, namely, finding（删去，可直接加N(更简洁)/句子。）a proper job. In a well-known university, people get a deep accumulation from famous professors. Opposite to those famed universities, students take courses which are more linkable to their future works instead of waste（wasting） a lot of time on something of less applicational applied value. Additonally Moreover（留一个）, they(can) have a better control of their extra time and they（可以划去，一个主语就够了，还是我觉得） grasp more opportunities via(前面用过了，换一个吧) hanging around in the employing scene（什么意思？）. So, it looks that the second students are more efficient in the process of searching jobs. （觉得表达得不太对，怪怪的）

Considering all analysis above, we come to the conclusion that students feel happier, more useful and efficient to study in a university where graduates can find good jobs than those more famous universities. （those 前后不对称，后者可以点到教授多，根据题意再组织一下吧）

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-15 21:42
3.15 独立
Nowadays, people tend to be more engaged in their business both personally and on public, therefore, they sometimes have to make the choice that whether finishing one project first or tackle several affairs at the same time. In my opinion, get one project done before starting another is a better strategy.

To begin with, people feel more concentrated on their works if they finish one project at one time. As people can not care for every task he has encountered, he is supposed to make a list of those things and focus on the most important affair and then does the less important ones. Only pour all energy and time on just one issue at one time dose he enable to get his work done perfectly. Opposing to the former strategy, a person may can doing two or three projects at the same time, but he has to divide his attention onto all of these projects, which largely decelerates the rate that he makes a enement prominent achievements during his work. So, one should concentrate his attention to one thing before moving the next one.

Moreover, it is a single projector that is more likely to receive a sense of success. Take my brother Jim as example, he is a outstanding student in his college. Once he had chance to take part in both the mathematical modeling competition and the electrical match, he felt puzzled and wanted to take both. However, things turned out difficult to hold the both. Finally, he decided to participate in the latter considering his major. Consequently, he won a first prize in the electrical match and he felt of significant success about his advisable choice. So you see, concentration on one project do help people achieve success.

Besides, a multi-tasker does not mean efficiency. I admit that a multi-tasker who is extraordinary enough may finish many vital projects at one time. However, there is not a good number of such genius in the world. As far as I am concerned, most people can do many things at the same time. For instance, a person has ability to work on his homework while listening to some music, or another guy can easily accomplish his academical essay when chatting with others on the internet as well as watching a movie at the same moment. Nevertheless, those kinds of things are not all valued or urged. Hence, a multi-tasker does not necessarily stand for efficiency.

Considering all analysis above, finishing one project before starting another is obviously a better choice for us, for it makes us more concentrated, successful and efficient. We have nothing to do but cultivate a habit to focus on one thing at one time. Only in this way will we be more competitive in our jobs.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-15 22:22
标题: 回复herrisson
好谦虚哦，我刚看完你写的那篇工作时间的作文，还有你昨天写的都没什么可下手的，很赞，呵呵
我正努力脱离中式英语……
大家一起加油哦~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-15 23:59
谢谢鸟儿的悉心修改，同时向herrisson学习，以后每天进行灾后重建工作（听起来有点恐怖，就是把文章再改一下啦~）

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-16 00:34
谢谢婷婷的鼓励加油

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-16 09:31
标题: 3.14 独立修改后
改后：紫色

As parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus, there is an skyrocketing number of college students.（As parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus，there is an（a）skyrocketing number of college students.我觉得换下位置，读起来比较顺。）I put my first priorityto(over我记得有词组是take priority over) universities whose graduates can find good jobs instead of those which are abundantin(are abundant in ) famous professors.

To begin with, universities which get their(their)students prepared for future careers render/endow（不是很恰当，grant是准许，同意的意思吧，但是我也想不出换什么词好）(是想表达赋予的意思？endow sth with sb? 或者保证？Ensure? ) graduates a sense of happiness. According to a report delivered by China College Graduates Institute(CCGI), over 83% of students confessed that they tend to be of significant complacence when succeeding in the job (searching) competitions. Take my gregarious (好！) brother Tom for example, he studied in a college which was superb in（was superb in）majors of teaching. At the beginning, he was quite disappointed. However, when he fortunately became a teacherof New Oriental English school (haha ,有点恶搞)（有点歧义呢）whichpays highly after his graduation（无主语）.（however, when he fortunately became an English teacher in a famous school, all the effort was repaid. ）He felt his effort paid back, then he told everyone that his success and happiness he own tiday ascribe to his wise choice（the success and happiness he own today ascribe to his once choice.纯属个人意见啊）. So you see (we can come to a conclusion), a university whose graduates enjoy a reputation of high employment benefits students a lot.(层次有点乱。试试 whose graduates enjoy a reputation of high employment benefits the students a lot.)

Besides, though some universities are famous for their（注意指代，一定要能找到指代的N。这里就没有单数N，需要用their） professors, people think it is more useful to enter the university where they are able to obtain more pratical skills for future career promotion（practical skills for career development）. Everyone has to face the fact that even if he is accepted by a ~~reputated~~(忘记删掉了吧) reputable university like Peking University, he still needs to find a job after graduation. However, he may be defeated in the interview by someone who receives education in a ordinary university where professors are far less but students are well cultivated for different job skills.（这句可以划去，不利于你的论点）(觉得留下可以，最好改成by someone who receives education in an ordinary university where professors are far less but students are…这样就可以和北大形成对比)According to a certain Human Resource manager, he said what he look （looks）upon is students' abilities instead of the fame of the university where the students are graduated from. Hence, we can know that learning working skills directly plays a more significant role in career development（plays a more significant role 否则与下一观点重复）(in career development).

Furthermore, taking courses in a college where graduates can be easily employed is more efficient than the other type. Actually, every students' aims are simple, namely, ~~finding~~（删去，可直接加N(更简洁)/句子。）a proper job. In a well-known university, people get a deep accumulation from famous professors. Opposite to those famed universities, students take courses which are more linkable to their future works instead of waste（wasting） a lot of time on something of less ~~applicationa~~l applied value. ~~Additonally~~ Moreover（留一个）, they(can) have a better control of their extra time and they（可以划去，一个主语就够了，还是我觉得） grasp more opportunities though recruitment fairs(前面用过了，换一个吧) ~~hanging around in the employing scene~~（什么意思？在招聘现场）. So, it looks that students of universities which have higher rate of employmentare more efficient in the process of searching jobs. （觉得表达得不太对，怪怪的）

Considering all analysis above, we come to the conclusion that students feel happier, more useful and efficient to study in a university where graduates can find good jobs than thosewho have access to more famous professors . （those 前后不对称，后者可以点到教授多，根据题意再组织一下吧）

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-16 20:30
As people are more concerned with the juvenile, there is increasing opprtunity for schools to rise their educational qualities. And a heated debate whether famous teachers or advanced facilities are better for students arosed in the society. If I were the master of a school, I would choose to pay more attention to improve our facilities.

To begin with, a whole set of athletical facilities provides students with large convenience. As students spend most of their time in the school, they have more things done there, for example exercise. Let us assume that a school makes its exercise equipment available, then students have chance to enjoy exercising in the shcool instead of reaching remote places to get exercised. In this way he or she is able to keep fit and as well save time and money. Thus, students benefit a lot from the polily of improving facilities.

Moreover, the introduction of projectos enables ordinary teachers to convey more to students in class. Take my high school as an example. One time, my school received the governmental subsidy. Hence, the headmaster made the choice to pay more attention to improve facilities. Then the school brought in several projectors. The prjectors made it possible to save much time in our studies as teachers no longer needed to write notes on the blackboard, which helped us acquire more in the limited time. So we can come to a conclusion that facilities does help a lot on our study.

Besides, the popularity of computer plays a significant role to broaden students' eyes. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds, 85% of the respondents confessed that with the use of computers, they could get a better understanding of the points they obtained in class. Inspite a teacher is famous in his major field, he still has to face the fact that sometimes he can not remember things clearly and throughly. Opposite to famous teachers who are unprobable to know everything referred to the subjects, a computer is a link for us to travel in the sea of knowledge via internet. As a result, students get into an unlimited academic area.

Above all the analysis, facilities like athletical equipment, projector and computer, do stimulates us to achieve more success. Therefore, I agree that school is supposed to pay more attention to improve facilities.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-16 20:37
标题: 3.16独立
这次字数有点少
As people are more concerned with the juvenile, there is increasing opprtunity for schools to rise their educational qualities. And a heated debate whether famous teachers or advanced facilities are better for students arosed in the society. If I were the master of a school, I would choose to pay more attention to improve our facilities.

To begin with, a whole set of athletical facilities provides students with large convenience. As students spend most of their time in the school, they have more things done there, for example exercise. Let us assume that a school makes its exercise equipment available, then students have chance to enjoy exercising in the shcool instead of reaching remote places to get exercised. In this way he or she is able to keep fit and as well save time and money. Thus, students benefit a lot from the polily of improving facilities.

Moreover, the introduction of projectos enables ordinary teachers to convey more to students in class. Take my high school as an example. One time, my school received the governmental subsidy. Hence, the headmaster made the choice to pay more attention to improve facilities. Then the school brought in several projectors. The prjectors made it possible to save much time in our studies as teachers no longer needed to write notes on the blackboard, which helped us acquire more in the limited time. So we can come to a conclusion that facilities does help a lot on our study.

Besides, the popularity of computer plays a significant role to broaden students' eyes. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds, 85% of the respondents confessed that with the use of computers, they could get a better understanding of the points they obtained in class. Inspite a teacher is famous in his major field, he still has to face the fact that sometimes he can not remember things clearly and throughly. Opposite to famous teachers who are unprobable to know everything referred to the subjects, a computer is a link for us to travel in the sea of knowledge via internet. As a result, students get into an unlimited academic area.

Above all the analysis, facilities like athletical equipment, projector and computer, do stimulates us to achieve more success. Therefore, I agree that school is supposed to pay more attention to improve facilities.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-17 09:19
婷婷，我今天有课，中午交掉啊。

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-17 14:22
3.15 独立修改

来晚了好抱歉~~~！

Nowadays, people tend to be more engaged in their business both personally and on public（publicly 对称一下）, therefore, they sometimes have to make the choice that whether finishing （to finish 记得是whether to do）one project first or tackle several affairs at the same time. In my opinion, get(getting 主语) one project done before starting another is a better strategy.

To begin with, people feel more concentrated on their works if they finish one project at one time. As people can not care for every task he（指代谁呢？不如把people改成one吧） has encountered, he is supposed to make a list of those things and focus on the most important affair and then does（do 应该是supposed to 后面的并列吧）the（删除） less important ones. Only pour all energy and time（地道么？我不太确定） on just one issue at one time dose he enable（enables him） to get his work done perfectly. Opposing to the former strategy, a person may can doing (may conduct) two or three projects at the same time, but he has to divide his attention onto (into) all of these projects, which largely decelerates the rate that（at which）he makes a（删去，后面是复数了）enement(?) prominent achievements during his work. So, one should concentrate his attention to(on) one thing before moving the next one.

Moreover, it is a single projector that (who)ismore likely to receive a sense of success. Take my brother Jim as (an) example, he is a (an) outstanding student in his college. Once he had chance to take part in both the mathematical modeling competition and the electrical match, he felt puzzled and wanted to take both. However, things(it来指代后面的to hold both) turned out difficult to hold the both. Finally, he decided to participate in the latter considering（感觉用在中间不太合适呢，in relation to吧） his major. Consequently, he won a first prize in the electrical match and he（删去） felt of significant success about his advisable choice. So you see,（太口语化）concentration on one project do help people achieve success.

Besides, a multi-tasker does not mean efficiency（人和效率不是同类，不能拿来做比较吧。）. I admit that a multi-tasker who is extraordinary enough may finish many vital projects at one time. However, there is not a good number of such genius in the world. As far as I am concerned, most people can do many things at the same time. For instance, a person has ability to work on his homework while listening to some music, or another guy can easily accomplish his academical essay when chatting with others on the internet as well as watching a movie at the same moment. Nevertheless, those kinds of things are not all valued or urged（这个意思是？没有太明白）. Hence, a multi-tasker does not necessarily stand for efficiency.

Considering all analysis above, finishing one project before starting another is obviously a better choice for us, for it makes us more concentrated, successful and efficient. We have nothing to do but cultivate a habit to focus on one thing at one time. Only in this way will we be more competitive in our jobs.

婷婷的连词用的很好，显得文章连贯流畅！例子可以在多积累一些名家大事件，就更好啦~！加油！

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-17 15:44
389 字对我来说都可以了难道真的是我对自己要求太低了吗

As people are more concerned with the juvenile, there is (an)increasing opprtunity for schools to rise their educational qualities. And a heated debate whether famous teachers or advanced facilities are better for students arosed in the society. If I were the master of a school, I would choose to pay more attention to improve our facilities.（提出自己观点，简介明了）

To begin with, a whole set of athletical facilities provides students with large（great）convenience. As students spend most of their time in the school, they have more things done there, for example(such as) （最好用such as）exercise. Let us assume that a school makes its exercise equipment available(Suppose that a school offers more available fitness equipments), then(then) students (would)have chances to enjoy exercising(training) in the shcool（school） instead of reaching remote places to get exercised. In this way he or she is able to keep fit and as well (as well as)（as well一般放在句尾，后不跟任何词语比如，You know,computers can bring troubles as well）save time and money. Thus, students benefit a lot from the polily （policy）of improving facilities.

Moreover, the introduction of projectos（是不是手误打错了，看到下面有prjectors，但是我没有查到是什么意思）enables ordinary teachers to convey more to students in class. Take my high school as an example. One time, my school received the governmental subsidy. Hence, the headmaster made the choice to pay more attention to improve facilities. （our headmaster made a decision to pay more attention to improve facilities with the governmental subsidy.可以简明些，显得有些繁琐）Then the school brought in several projectors（. The prjectors ），which made it possible to save much time in our studies as teachers (can)no longer needed（need） to write notes on the blackboard, which helped us acquire more in the limited time. So we can come to a conclusion that facilities does help a lot on our study.

Besides, the popularity of computer plays a significant role to broaden students' eyes. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds, 85% of the respondents confessed that with the use(function) of computers, they could get a better understanding of the points they obtained in class. Inspite a teacher is famous in his major field, he still has to face the fact that sometimes he can not remember things clearly and throughly.Opposite tofamous（celebtrated）teachers who are unprobable to know everything referred to the subjects, a computer is a link for us to travel in the sea of knowledge via internet. As a result, students get into an unlimited academic area.

Above all the analysis, facilities like athletical equipment, projector and computer, does stimulates（去掉s ）us to achieve more success. Therefore, I agree that school is supposed to pay more attention to （foucs on可以换一下）improve facilities.

中午改的有些匆忙下午回来后变动一下
估计你是在卡时间所以小粗心了个别单词
下次你写完再过一遍肯定就能完美了

你的理由每次都把你的论点支撑的特别好能写那么多字羡慕啊

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-17 15:45
对了我今天的已经交了

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-17 18:23
标题: 回复herisson
恩，没事，不着急的~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-17 20:14
标题: 3.17 婷婷的独立作文
报告组织，这次超时10分钟
As people meet more fierce competitions in the job hunting, they invent various strategies to get themselves prepared during the shortest time. When it comes to the learning methods, people wonder whether it is better to understand ideas or facts? In my view, the study of facts plays a more vital role academically.

To begin with, facts are more attractive for students to learn than those ideas and concepts. Every textbook comprises of brief sentences of ideas and concepts to certain items which may make students bored and impatient to digest meanings. On the contrary, facts are consisted of a number of extra things. For example,a background which is connected with a fact's causes can draw students' attentions to a higher degree. They enable students to be followed via its enjoyment and vitality. As an old saying tells, interest is the best teacher of students. Hence, facts are of greater interestingness than those ideas and concepts have.(对比、因果)

Moreover, students are able to grasp facts more easily than come into these complex ideas and concepts. According to an recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Education Funds(CJEF), over 85% of college students confessed that they feel harder to remember a concept of a certain objects than a ordinary fact, which reflected a fact that facts are easier to remember. Take my own experience as an example, I once had a mid-term historical examination. At the beginning, I tried to memorize every sentence which revealed the causes of an event's occurrence. However, it turned out that I almost forgot it the other day. Then, I recalled the simple facts which is related to these causes. Consequently I got an A from my teacher. So, there is an obvious conclusion that there is more difficulty on the of ideas and concepts than facts for students. （事例加事例）

In addition, it is not denying that ideas and concepts actually help academicians a lot to summarize the main points, it can not be well accurate all the time. Since the pace of science and technology never stops, a plausible idea may suddenly turns to be completely wrong. So, we dare not insist that an idea is absolutely correct. Thus, ideas and concepts are not advisable to keep in mind as a truth. Instead, it is impossible that a fact tells lie. As a motto says, seeing is believing. Only facts can people rely on to conduct their deeper research. Therefore people need to pour more efforts on the learn of facts, and then classify them to some similar phenomena, which is a better approach to success.（让步段对比）

Considering all analysis above, opposite to the ideas and concepts' inaccuracy, facts not only let people more interested in study but also offer a easier path to the truth. There is no doubt that people are supposed to learn facts.（结尾感觉不够精彩）

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-17 20:38
标题: 3.15 改后~
改后用紫色

Nowadays, people tend to be more engaged in their business both personally and publicly(当时写的时候不太确定形式，所以没用)（publicly 对称一下）, therefore, they sometimes have to make the choice that whether finishing （恩，是有whether to do 的用法，但是whether 后面加一个名词也没错，但是介词后面只能接whether 不能接if）（to finish 记得是whether to do）one project first or tackle several affairs at the same time. In my opinion, geting(getting 主语) one project done before starting another is a better strategy.

To begin with, people feel more concentrated on their works if they finish one project at one time. As a person(这样就和后面的he对应了)can not care for every task he（指代谁呢？不如把people改成one吧） has encountered, he is supposed to make a list of those things and focus on the most important affair and then does（do 应该是supposed to 后面的并列吧）the（删除） less important ones. Only pour all energy and time（地道么？我不太确定） on just one issue at one time dose he enable（only 后面得用倒装？）（enables him） to get his work done perfectly. Opposing to the former strategy, a person may conduct (may conduct) two or three projects at the same time, but he has to divide his attentioninto (into) all of these projects, which largely decelerates the rate at which（at which）he makes a（删去，后面是复数了）enement(是eminent显著的，后来没想起来，就用prominent了)(?) prominent achievements during his work. So, one should concentrate his attention on(on) one thing before moving the next one.

Moreover, it is a single projector that (who)ismore likely to receive a sense of success. Take my brother Jim as(an) example, he isa(an)outstanding student in his college. Once he had chance to take part in both the mathematical modeling competition and the electrical match, he felt puzzled and wanted to take both. However,it(这样地道些~)(it来指代后面的to hold both) turned out difficult to hold the both. Finally, he decided to participate in the latter in relation to （感觉用在中间不太合适呢，in relation to吧） his major. Consequently, he won a first prize in the electrical match and he（删去） felt of significant success about his advisable choice. So you see,（太口语化）concentration on one project do help people achieve success.

Besides, a multi-tasker does not meanan efficient worker（人和效率不是同类，不能拿来做比较吧。）. I admit that a multi-tasker who is extraordinary enough may finish many vital projects at one time. However, there is not a good number of such genius in the world. As far as I am concerned, most people can do many things at the same time. For instance, a person has ability to work on his homework while listening to some music, or another guy can easily accomplish his academical essay when chatting with others on the internet as well as watching a movie at the same moment. Nevertheless, those kinds of things are not all worthy or urgent(有价值的，紧急的)（这个意思是？没有太明白）. Hence, a multi-tasker does not necessarily stand for efficiency.

Considering all analysis above, finishing one project before starting another is obviously a better choice for us, for it makes us more concentrated, successful and efficient. We have nothing to do but cultivate a habit to focus on one thing at one time. Only in this way will we be more competitive in our jobs.

自我结论：词不达意，指代问题，改之！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-17 20:54
标题: 3.16 改后的独立
As people are more concerned with the juvenile, there is an(an)increasing opportunity for schools to rise their educational qualities. And a heated debate whether famous teachers or advanced facilities are better for students arosed in the society. If I were the master of a school, I would choose to pay more attention to improve our facilities.（提出自己观点，简介明了）

To begin with, a whole set of athletical facilities provides students with large（great）convenience. As students spend most of their time in the school, they have more things done there, such as(such as) （最好用such as）exercise. Let us assume(这个是假定……) that a school offers more exercise equipment ~~available~~(Suppose that a school offers more available fitness equipments), then(then) students (would)have chances to enjoy exercising(training) in the school（school） instead of reaching remote places to get exercised. In this way he or she is able to keep fit and (as well as)（as well一般放在句尾，后不跟任何词语比如，You know,computers can bring troubles as well）save time and moneyas well. Thus, students benefit a lot from the policy（policy）of improving facilities.

Moreover, the introduction of projectors(是啊，这个是投影仪的意思)（是不是手误打错了，看到下面有projectors，但是我没有查到是什么意思）enables ordinary teachers to convey more to students in class. Take my high school as an example. One time, my headmaster made the decision to pay more attention to improve facilities with the governmental subsidy（our headmaster made a decision to pay more attention to improve facilities with the governmental subsidy.可以简明些，显得有些繁琐）Then the school brought in several projectors（. The projectors ），which made it possible to save much time in our studies as teachers (can)no longer needed（need） to write notes on the blackboard, which helped us acquire more in the limited time. So we can come to a conclusion that facilities does help a lot on our study.

Besides, the popularity of computer plays a significant role to broaden students' eyes. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds, 85% of the respondents confessed that with the function(function) of computers, they could get a better understanding of the points they obtained in class. Inspite a teacher is famous in his major field, he still has to face the fact that sometimes he can not remember things clearly and throughly.Opposite tocelebrated (celebtrated）teachers who are improbable to know everything referred to the subjects, a computer is a link for us to travel in the sea of knowledge via internet. As a result, students get into an unlimited academic area.

Above all the analysis, facilities like fitness equipment, projector and computer, do(前面是facilities所以后面用复数形式) stimulates（去掉s ）us to achieve more success. Therefore, I agree that school is supposed to focus on（foucs on可以换一下）improve facilities.

我开始训练自己速度了，拼写错误啊，我要消灭它!

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-18 20:15
3.18独立
下次再也不这么写了，严重超时
People make several mistakes every day: a teacher may forget the name of his students or an employment just being late for their work. When it comes to children, parents tend to be puzzled that if they are supposed to stand aside to let children learn from their own mistakes. My answer is yes.

To begin with, as mistakes are so inevitable that parents should make their children learn from these mistakes. A person must undergo a childhood of immature and impulsive. At that time, he is likely to make mistakes. Take my little gregarious sister Jenny as an example, she studied in a primary school. As she was young and energetic ut autonomic, then she was always ready to chat with others whenever in or off class. Hence, it made her often criticized by her teachers. However,
her mother got a good moment to talk to Jenny about this serious problem. She enabled Jenny to realize that she would bother both her classmates and teachers in class. Then, Jenny's change received everyone's compliment. So, we can get the point that though some mistakes are inevitable, they do help to correct children's behaviors.

In addition, lessons from mistakes are more effective for parents to deliver good manners. Since kids usually turn to be bored with these big long sentences which parents give to tell them what should do or not do, a simple conversation based on big principles do less help to kids. Opposite to such a boring conversation, if parents are able to teach the child a lesson on a certain mistake he just made, it is more effective. So, the kid can not argue that he could never do this as he had already made that mistake. To conclude, giving a lesson on the mistake which the children commited just before is of great vitality.

Moreover, a excellent habit of learning from mistakes boosts children' future career. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds(CJF) with over 85% of respondents take in reflected a fact that most successful men developed a good habit that they usually tried to correct over from their mistakes. Just like what happened to myself. When I was a little girl, my parents allowed me to everything I planed to do. Once I made a decision to participate in a computer game competition. Notwithstanding, too much exposure to that computer game, I can not spend time on my homework, then I fell behind academically. At the moment, my father came to me and told patiently to me about how to assign the time more scientifically. Consequently, I gradually corrected my attitude on the time management, which did me a favor in my job hunting. Thanks my parents, I am an experienced sales manager of a big company now.

Considering all analysis above, I firmly insist that parents are supposed to put their children into the environment where they learn from mistakes they make.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-19 00:08
来的太晚了抱歉啊

As people meet more fierce competitions in the job hunting, they invent various strategies to get themselves prepared during the shortest time. When it comes to the learning methods, people wonder whether it is better to understand ideas or facts? In my view, the study of facts plays a more vital roleacademically.

To begin with, facts are more attractive for students to learn than those ideas and concepts. Every textbook comprises of （要么把of去掉要么用be comprised of）brief sentences of ideas and concepts to certain items（有点乱）(我觉得可以这样改Every textbook is always comprised of brief sentences to define items), which may make students bored and impatient to digest meanings. On the contrary, facts are consisted of a number of extra things. For example,a background which is connected with a fact's causes can draw students' attentions to a higher degree. They enable students to be followed via its enjoyment and vitality. As an old saying tells, interest is the best teacher of students. Hence, facts are of greater interestingness than those ideas and concepts have.(对比、因果)

Moreover, students are able to grasp facts more easily than come into these complex ideas and concepts. According to an recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Education Funds(CJEF), over 85% of college students confessed that they feel harder to remember a concept of a certain objects than an ordinary fact, which reflected a fact（truth） that facts are easier to remember. Take my own experience as an example, I once had a mid-term historical examination. At the beginning, I tried to memorize every sentences which revealed（拼错了） the causes（reasons） of an event's occurrence. However, it turned out that I almost forgot it the other day. Then, I recalled the simple facts which is related to these causes. Consequently I got an A from my teacher. So,（there is an obvious conclusion）it comes to a conclusion that there is more difficulty on the of去掉ideas and concepts than facts for students. （事例加事例）

In addition, it is not denying that ideas and concepts actually help academicians a lot to summarize the main points,（此处加个转承词） it cannot be well accurate all the time. Since the pace of science and technology never stops, a plausible idea may suddenly turns to be completely wrong. So, we dare not insist that an idea is absolutely correct. Thus, ideas and concepts are not advisable to keep in mind as a truth. Instead, it is impossible that a fact tells lie. As a motto says, seeing is believing. Only facts can people rely on to conduct their deeper research. Therefore people need to pour more efforts on the learn of （learning）facts, and then classify them to some similar phenomena, which is a better approach to success.（让步段对比）

Considering all analysis above, opposite tothe ideas and concepts' inaccuracy, facts not only let people more interested in study but also offer a easier path to the truth. There is no doubt that people are supposed to learn facts.（结尾感觉不够精彩）

我还是放弃我那没有写完的所以你不用给我改了

这篇词汇重复性比较大与fact 同义词的局限性有关基本没找到能替换的

结构还是依然好不过总觉得你的论证有点拖沓的感觉语言上不是那么的简洁

总体还是蛮不错至少你的速度可以了加油吧

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-19 20:51
标题: 3.18 独立改后紫色
As people meet more fierce competitions in the job hunting, they invent various strategies to get themselves prepared during the shortest time. When it comes to the learning methods, people wonder whether it is better to understand ideas or facts? In my view, the study of facts plays a more vital roleacademically.

To begin with, facts are more attractive for students to learn than those ideas and concepts. Every textbook is comprised of brief sentences to define items.（要么把of去掉要么用be comprised of）brief sentences of ideas and concepts to certain items（有点乱）(我觉得可以这样改Every textbook is always comprised of brief sentences to define items), which may make students bored and impatient to digest meanings. On the contrary, facts are consisted of a number of extra things. For example,a background which is connected with a fact's causes can draw students' attentions to a higher degree. They enable students to be followed via its enjoyment and vitality. As an old saying tells, interest is the best teacher of students. Hence, facts are of greater interestingness than those ideas and concepts have.(对比、因果)

Moreover, students are able to grasp facts more easily than come into these complex ideas and concepts. According to an recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Education Funds(CJEF), over 85% of college students confessed that they feel harder to remember a concept of a certain objects than an ordinary fact, which reflected a truth（之前这个地方重复了）（truth） that facts are easier to remember. Take my own experience as an example, I once had a mid-term historical examination. At the beginning, I tried to memorize every sentences which revealed（拼错了） the causes（reasons） of an event's occurrence. However, it turned out that I almost forgot it the other day. Then, I recalled the simple facts which is related to these causes. Consequently I got an A from my teacher. So,（there is an obvious conclusion）there is an obvious conclusion ~~it comes to a conclusion~~ that there is more difficulty on the of去掉ideas and concepts than facts for students. （事例加事例）

In addition, it is undeniablethat ideas and concepts actually help academicians a lot to summarize the main points,（此处加个转承词）however, it cannot be well accurate all the time. Since the pace of science and technology never stops, a plausible idea may suddenly turns to be completely wrong. So, we dare not insist that an idea is absolutely correct. Thus, ideas and concepts are not advisable to keep in mind as a truth. Instead, it is impossible that a fact tells lie. As a motto says, seeing is believing. Only facts can people rely on to conduct their deeper research. Therefore people need to pour more efforts on the ~~learn of~~(感觉全删也行)learning）facts, and then classify them to some similar phenomena, which is a better approach to success.（让步段对比）

Considering all analysis above, opposite tothe ideas and concepts' inaccuracy, facts not only let people more interested in study but also offer a easier path to the truth.Thus, parents are supposed to make children learn from mistakes. Only in this way, will the children make provision for their future.(又添了一句)（结尾感觉不够精彩）

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-19 21:39
标题: 3.19 独立
虽然字数少了，不过内容还是差不多，没有以前罗嗦了
Since education accelerates the rate which technology develops, a skyrocketing number of inventions spring up in people's everyday life. Though these inventions do offer grand convenience, they also exert negative influences on children's innovation.

To begin with, the advent of computer plays a noxious role in cultivating children's sense of creativity. A recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Fund(CJF) revealed a fact that over 86% of pupils are addicted in the computer games. With the computer science develops quickly, every child has an access to own a computer. For their parents original aims is to boost the child's academical achievement, however, too much exposure to computer does harm to kids mentally and physically. Consequently children who are into that games tend to be less creative but of great inanity.

Moreover, automobiles enable children to think less which results in creativity deficiency. With the help of private cars, children are able to reach any remote places directly. To the contrary, in the past, children who had to walk,ride or take buses would consider whether they took the shortest way to get to a pot or whether they could spend the least money via that line. Nowadays, children may live in a more convenient life, whereas they lost the chance to think. As a result, it turns out that modern children are less creative.

Besides, the occurrence of microwave oven limits children's creativity. A microwave oven is a facility used in the kitchen. When people prepare for a meal, they can just put ingredients and water into that oven, then after several minutes, they will enjoy a tantalizing dish. So you see, it is quite easy for a kid to use. Especially as the parents are not at home, they just need turn to the microwave oven for help instead of using knieves and pots to creat some new courses by themselves. Under this circumstance, it is possible that children will not no longer want to invent new dishes. Thus, the level of creativity declines.

To sum up, though technology brings children with so many inventions such as computer, automobile and microwave oven, the disadvantage of those machines overwhelm their advantages. Hence, we should create an environment where children can cultivate innovation power without those inventions. I believe, in this way, children will provide us with more and better things they devise.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-20 16:05
3.18 独立修改

昨晚把你的美文放在word里，刚才才想起来，赶快贴出。

People make several mistakes every day: a teacher may forget the name of his students or an employment just being late for their work（; an employee may be late for job 原句or后应该也是结构对称的句子）. When it comes to children, parents tend to be puzzled that if they are supposed to stand aside to let children learn from their own mistakes. My answer is （definitely 加强一下）yes.

To begin with, as mistakes are so inevitable that parents should make（换个encourage to） their children learn from these mistakes. A person must undergo a childhood of immature and impulsive. At that time, he is likely to make mistakes. （蓝色的表达有误。建议改成： Everybody goes through an immature and impulsive childhood when making stumbles is inevitable.）Take my little gregarious sister Jenny as an example, she studied in a primary school. As she was young and energetic ut autonomic (autonomic自律的？), then she was always ready to chat with others whenever in or off class（even at classes）. Hence, it made her often criticized by her teachers. However, her mother got a good moment to talk (talked frankly 感觉有点chinglish了) to Jenny about this serious problem. She enabled Jenny to realize that she would bother both her classmates and teachers in class. Then (As a result), Jenny's change received everyone's compliment. So, we can get the point that though some mistakes are inevitable, they do help to correct children's behaviors.

In addition, lessons from mistakes are more effective for parents to deliver good manners. Since kids usually turn to be bored with these big long sentences(super stereotyped teaching) which parents give to tell them what should do or not do(删去), (but) a simple conversation based on big（abstract） principles do less help to kids. Opposite to such a boring conversation, if parents are able to teach the child a lesson on a certain mistake he just made, it is more effective. So, the kid can not argue that he could never do this as he had already made that mistake. To conclude, giving a lesson on the mistake which the children commited(committed) just before is of great vitality. (感觉多是vitality ‘有生机有活力’的意思。Vividness生动？不太确定)

Moreover, a（an） excellent habit of learning from mistakes boosts children's future career.According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds(CJF) with over 85% of respondents take in reflected a fact that most successful men developed a good habit that they usually tried to correct over from their mistakes. Just like what happened to myself.(, like不能引导一句话) When I was a little girl, my parents allowed me to（do） everything I planed to do. Once I made a decision to participate in a computer game competition. Notwithstanding, too much exposure to that computer game,I can not spend time on my homework, then I fell behind academically. At the moment, my father came to me and told patiently to me about how to assign the time more scientifically. Consequently, I gradually corrected my attitude on the time management, （and rectified my academic performance.）which（GMAT语法说which 不能指代前面整句话Such wisdom gain also） did me a favor in my job hunting. Thanks (to) my parents, I am an experienced sales manager of a big company now. (Wow, congrats!!!)

Considering all analysis above, I firmly insist that parents are supposed to put their children into the environment where they learn from mistakes they make.

字数绝对是优势！好羡慕！

内容举例都很好，三方面论证也很完善。不错呢！进步大哇~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-20 18:09
3.20 独立
将拆分进行到底
超时十五分钟，自觉蹲墙角去……

The human being was evolved three million years ago, since then, people have been engaged in tackling problems and a great number of issues remained to be attended nowadays. The optimistic believe those questions would be solved in their lifetime, whereas, I insist difficulties of greatest importance cannot be figured out at a moment.

To begin with, the most vital problems are usually too complex to be solved out quickly. In general, prominent problems are politically, economically and culturally connected. They tend to be mixture of hardship. Take China as an example, Taiwan Island is one of the most important existed problems of China. During recent years, the Chinese government take numbers of measures to realize its goal, that is, making Taiwan Island really become an inevitable part of China. Nevertheless, due to the complex historical backgrounds, it is that diversity on virous aspects impedes the progress of unity. Thus, the most important problems cannot be worked out in a few years.

Moreover, it is improbable to find solutions to some most serious ones as people do not own mature technologies. Let us come into a worldwide most serious problem: global warming. When it comes to the problem of global warming, even the most outstanding scientist will frown. The global warming is a phenomenon which indicates the intense rise of the global temperature because of the over releasement of carbon dioxide. Every country is anxious to delay this harmful phenomenon. However, as we are not able to think up any effective and efficient technological tactics, we has nothing to do but call for people's concern towards the currency of global warming. Hence, it seems hopeless to solve such troubles unless we devise some practical technologies.

Besides, a most critical problem need a long period to witness its effects. These most important issues have a common feature, namely, demanding an accumulation of long-time efforts. The education popularization is an excellent case. In Africa, it is normal that most of children have no access to be educated as they are short of wealth. In spite of the fact that many prosperous countries such The US and China annually donate quantities of money and other materials to those demanding African countries, it looks that such policy have not come into effect. Some socialists said it was just a matter of time to convey the educational concepts. So you see, the management of those most crucial matters takes adequate time to be accomplished.

To sum up, because of the complexity, technological difficulty and long-time requirement, we cannot rush to work out these momentous problems in a person's lifetime. Only full consideration and efforts put in a long progress will people successfully defeat these problems in the end.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-20 18:10
标题: 回鸟儿
字数多的代价是写不完啊，啊，啊
下次限制自己，要是没有写完就发一篇

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-3-21 10:58
Since education accelerates the rate which technology develops, a skyrocketing number of inventions spring up in people's everyday life. Though these inventions do offer grand convenience, they also exert negative influences on children's innovation.

To begin with, the advent of computer plays a noxious role in cultivating children's sense of creativity. A recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Fund(CJF) revealed a fact that over 86% of pupils are addicted in the computer games. With the computer science develops quickly, every child has an access to own a computer. For their parents original aims is( are) to boost the child's academic academical achievement, however, too much exposure to computer does harm to kids mentally and physically. Consequently children who are into that(those) games tend to be less creative but of great inanity.

Moreover, automobiles enable children to think less which results in creativity deficiency. With the help of private cars, children are able to reach any remote places directly. To the contrary, in the past, children who had to walk ride or take buses would consider whether they took the shortest way to get to a pot or whether they could spend the least money via that line. Nowadays, children may live in a more convenient life, whereas they lost the chance to think. As a result, it turns out that modern children are less creative.

Besides, the occurrence of microwave oven limits children's creativity. A microwave oven is a facility used in the kitchen. When people prepare for a meal, they can just put ingredients and water into that oven, then after several minutes, they will enjoy a tantalizing dish. So you see, it is quite easy for a kid to use. Especially as the parents are not at home, they just need turn to the microwave oven for help instead of using knieves(knives) and pots to creat(create) some new courses by themselves. Under this circumstance, it is possible that children will not no longer want to invent new dishes. Thus, the level of creativity declines.

To sum up, though technology brings children with so many inventions such as computer, automobile and microwave oven, the disadvantage of those machines overwhelm their advantages. Hence, we should create an environment where children can cultivate innovation power without those inventions. I believe, in this way, children will provide us with more and better things they devise.(哈哈，感觉思路好,真的找不到什么不好的啦，写那么理由时间够吗？我当时考GMAT的作文时间就比较紧张)

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-3-21 15:32
red means maybe need revise
blue means 赞
olive means my words after reading your passage

The human being was evolved three million years ago, (人类和进化是主动关系吧)since then, people have been engaged in tackling problems and a great number of issues remained to be attended nowadays. The optimistic believe those questions would be solved in their lifetime, whereas, I insist difficulties of greatest importance cannot be figured out at a moment.（at a moment我查了下，貌似at a moment 跟 in their lifetime对比有点weird。这个如何呢near these decades）

To begin with, the most vital problems are usually too complex to be solved out quickly. In general, prominent problems are politically, economically and culturally connected. They tend to be mixture of hardship. Take China as an example, （以前一直纠结是take sth as example 还是 take sth for example,,刚才google搜索了下，相关词条都过亿。证明用法正确）Taiwan Island is one of the most important existed problems of China. During recent years, the Chinese government take numbers of measures to realize its goal, that is, making Taiwan Island really become an inevitable （不可分割比较好inseparable）part of China. Nevertheless, due to the complex historical backgrounds, it is that diversity on virous aspects impedes the progress of unity. Thus, the most important problems cannot be worked out in a few years.

Moreover, it is improbable to find solutions to some most serious ones (?这句话的中心名词，貌似没有出现)as people do not own mature technologies. Let us come into a worldwide most serious problem: global warming. When it comes to the problem of global warming, even the most outstanding scientist will frown. The global warming is a phenomenon which indicates the intense rise of the global temperature because of the over releasement of carbon dioxide. Every country is anxious to delay （建议一个prevent如何呢~~）this harmful phenomenon. However, as we are not able to think up any effective and（否定后面用or比较好，不知道ETS管不管这些的。。。） efficient technological tactics, we has nothing to do but call for people's concern towards the currency of global warming. Hence, it seems hopeless to solve such troubles unless we devise some practical technologies.

Besides, amost critical problemneed a long period to witness its effects. These most important issues have a common feature, namely, demanding an accumulation of long-time efforts. The education popularization is an excellent case. In Africa, it is normal that most of children have no access to be educated as they are short of wealth. In spite of the fact that many prosperous countries such The US and China annually donate quantities of money and other materials to those demanding African countries, it looks that such policy have not come into effect. Some socialists said it was just a matter of time to convey the educational concepts. So you see, the management of those most crucial matters takes adequate time to be accomplished.

To sum up, because of the complexity, technological difficulty and long-time requirement, we cannot rush to work out these momentous problems in a person's lifetime. Only full consideration and efforts put in a long progress will people successfully defeat these problems in the end.

整体很流畅，例子很美好，

淡淡提一下，你貌似最高级用的次数非常多，我建议你可以转变下表达形式，多样性地表达可能会更加好一些吧。OK，今天要赶车，所以给你只挑毛病了。请不要怪我~~~~

You know 建议比鲜花更加practical ~~~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-21 19:29
标题: 3.18独立改改后
People make several mistakes every day: a teacher may forget the name of his students； an employment may be late for job（; an employee may be late for job 原句or后应该也是结构对称的句子）. When it comes to children, parents tend to be puzzled that if they are supposed to stand aside to let children learn from their own mistakes. My answer is definitely（definitely 加强一下）yes.

To begin with, as mistakes are so inevitable that parents should encourage（换个encourage to） their childrento learn from these mistakes. Everybody undergoesan immature and impulsive childhood when committing faults is inevitable. （蓝色的表达有误。建议改成： Everybody goes through an immature and impulsive childhood when making stumbles is inevitable.）Take my little gregarious sister Jenny as an example, she studied in a primary school. As she was young and energetic but ~~autonomic~~not self-disciplined(autonomic自律的？), then she was always ready to chat with otherseven in class（even at classes）. Hence, it made her often criticized by her teachers. However, her mothertalked frankly(talked frankly 感觉有点chinglish了)(哇哇，我赶紧改！坚持local化)to Jenny about this serious problem. She enabled Jenny to realize that she would bother both her classmates and teachers in class.Consequently (As a result), Jenny's change received everyone's compliment. So, we can get the point that though some mistakes are inevitable, they do help to correct children's behaviors.

In addition, lessons from mistakes are more effective for parents to deliver good manners. Since kids usually turn to be bored with these super stereotyped teaching(super stereotyped teaching) which parents give to tell them what should do or not do(删去), (but) a simple conversation based on abstract（abstract） principles do less help to kids. Opposite to such a boring conversation, if parents are able to teach the child a lesson on a certain mistake he just made, it is more effective. So, the kid can not argue that he could never do this as he had already made that mistake. To conclude, giving a lesson on the mistake which the children committed(committed) just before is of greatervitality. (感觉多是vitality ‘有生机有活力’的意思。Vividness生动？不太确定)(都行)

Moreover, an（an） excellent habit of learning from mistakes boosts children'sfuture career.According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds(CJF) with over 85% of respondents take in reflected a fact that(呵呵，我几乎每篇作文都用，养成习惯了，完全是为了考试而写啊)most successful men developed a good habit that they usually tried to correct over from their mistakes. Just like what happened to myself，(, like不能引导一句话) When I was a little girl, my parents allowed me to do（do) everything I planed to do. Once I made a decision to participate in a computer game competition. Notwithstanding, too much exposure to that computer game,I can not spend time on my homework, then I fell behind academically. At the moment, my father came to me and told patiently to me about how to assign the time more scientifically. Consequently, I gradually corrected my attitude on the time management, and rectified my academic performance（and rectified my academic performance.）which（GMAT语法说which 不能指代前面整句话Such wisdom gain also）This habitdid me a favor in my job hunting. Thanks (to) my parents, I am an experienced sales manager of a big company now. (Wow, congrats!!!)(秋风落叶飘过……这个例子是编的啊啊啊)

Considering all analysis above, I firmly insist that parents are supposed to put their children into the environment where they learn from mistakes they make.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-21 19:32
标题: 回复ABC
还是有一些小毛病的，词汇不够丰富，呵呵，就是因为字数多了，所以每次都超时，现在闭关修炼中，提速！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-21 19:42
标题: 3.20独立改改后
呵呵，欢迎打次再狠批一点~批批更舒爽嘛!因为题目给的是the most important problem，所以我也没怎么想就直接照写了，你能给我提供几个改写的例子吗？
The human being evolved from anthropoids three million years ago, (人类和进化是主动关系吧)since then, people have been engaged in tackling problems and a great number of issues remained to be attended nowadays. The optimistic believe those questions would be solved in their lifetime, whereas, I firmly insist difficulties of greatest importance cannot be figured out near these decades.（at a moment我查了下，貌似at a moment 跟 in their lifetime对比有点weird。这个如何呢near these decades）To begin with, the most vital problems are usually too complex to be solved out quickly. In general, prominent problems are politically, economically and culturally connected. They tend to be mixture of hardship. Take China as an example, （以前一直纠结是take sth as example 还是 take sth for example,,刚才google搜索了下，相关词条都过亿。证明用法正确）Taiwan Island is one of the most important existed problems of China. During recent years, the Chinese government take numbers of measures to realize its goal, that is, making Taiwan Island really become an inseparable （不可分割比较好inseparable）part of China. Nevertheless, due to the complex historical backgrounds, it is that diversity on virous aspects impedes the progress of unity. Thus, the most important problems cannot be worked out in a few years.Moreover, it is improbable to find solutions to some most serious ones (本段TS:不可能找到解决这些严重的问题的途径)(?这句话的中心名词，貌似没有出现)as people do not own mature technologies. Let us come into a worldwide most serious problem: global warming. When it comes to the problem of global warming, even the most outstanding scientist will frown. The global warming is a phenomenon which indicates the intense rise of the global temperature because of the over releasement of carbon dioxide. Every country is anxious to prevent/impede/resist（建议一个prevent如何呢~~）this harmful phenomenon. However, as we are not able to think up any effective or（否定后面用or比较好，不知道ETS管不管这些的。。。） efficient technological tactics, we has nothing to do but call for people's concern towards the currency of global warming. Hence, it seems hopeless to solve such troubles unless we devise some practical technologies.Besides, a most critical problem need a long period to witness its effects. These most important issues have a common feature, namely, demanding an accumulation of long-time efforts. The education popularization is an excellent case. In Africa, it is normal that most of children have no access to be educated as they are short of wealth. In spite of the fact that many prosperous countries such The US and China annually donate quantities of money and other materials to those demanding African countries, it looks that such policy have not come into effect. Some socialists said it was just a matter of time to convey the educational concepts. So you see, the management of those most crucial matters takes adequate time to be accomplished.To sum up, because of the complexity, technological difficulty and long-time requirement, we cannot rush to work out these momentous problems in a person's lifetime. Only full consideration and efforts put in a long progress will people successfully defeat these problems in the end.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-21 20:40
3.21 独立
本来还想用拆分法，把people拆成children,adults,the olds,不过想想还是选择的让步写法。这次在掐时间，字数明显就下来了
As people live in the modern time where there is a boom for information, the Internet industrial flourishes together. The internet offers people a lot of messages, such as employment notes, working reporters and so on. So, I definitely insist that the Internet plays an essential role in the information exchange.

To begin with, work hunters benefit a lot from recruitment informations on the Internet. It is commonly accepted that the matter of employment is one of the most vital problems in the world. But now many people could breath out as the foundation of the online hiring stage. With the development of the Internet, many giant companies create a employment system through which one is accessible to the job news of companies and submit his resume. Hence, chances are more for him to get hired.Therefore, a good use of network does help people find jobs with more easiness.

Moreover, it is efficient, convenient and economical for workers to exchange informations via networks. In working situations everyone has a lot of affairs to deal with. What if people are in different departments or various floors need to discuss business? Then, computers answer, "yes, we can." Actually, with those devices' technological help, we can deliver a chat or just face-to-face talk with each other. As a result, people save quantities of time, energy and money. So it is obvious that the Internet enables workers to accomplish their tasks at an unbelievable speed, and even boost the international trade.

Besides, though I admit there emerges some troubles in the network, we are able to control these issues via a more complete policies. The government has strengthen the force to fine those illegal online activities. Take a case in point, three years ago, thousands of net-citizens are threatened a group of fake websites which received money without sending goods. Then, the government made a law to forbid this behavior and related department made efforts to close these bad sites. Consequently, people come back to a harmony and believable atmosphere.

In general, since the Internet can not only help solve the employment problems,but also make work more efficient, convenient and economical. We are responsible to learn to make full use of it. Only in this way, will we become the beam of our country!

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-22 17:52
3.22 独立
Since technologies are of greater maturity, a good number of new devices emerge on the electronic market. To be look in fashion, people tend to own the device immediately it comes out. Opposite to these crazy behaviors, I prefer to purchase one when it is popularized.

To begin with, it is favored for us to buy those objects later since their prices will decline soon. Due to the development of technology and science, there is a shorter update-term for electronics. Take mobile phones as an example, Nokia is a famed phone brand in the hinterland of China, which designs several types of phones per years. Consequently, most of people, especially college students, are involved in the pursuit of so-called modern phones that usually charge people exorbitantly. Notwithstanding, it is of more chance to deliver a sharp reduce to certain phones for a few months. So, we are not necessary to buy these technological devices ahead of the crowds, just wait patiently and then make it at a reasonable and lower price

In addition, it is unwise to buy technological merchandise at the beginning since some practical problems may come into floating soon. A survey done on the Chinese 3.15 Day, when the government will work into different industries to protect residents' interest. That survey conveys a vital message that over 75% of electronic products' defects turn out after being available for guests. For instance, many years ago, my neighbor John bought the newest television set named of Changhong which made advertisement for its good quality. Nevertheless, a fire accident happened to him because of the too much heat in that television set. Then I changed my original plan to the same one. Hence, I advise people not to buy the newest technological ones.

Though I admit those fresh technological devices enable people to be trendy, whereas they promote buyers to form a bad financial habit. As people insistently pour quantities of wealth on such new technological inventions, they gradually form a convention that they must own the new one when it is accessible, otherwise they will be uncomfortable. Thus, get a new one when it is just put out truly influence people negatively.

To sum up, these people ignore a basic fact that some products virtually bring with some troubles, like the waste of money, practical shortcomings and bad financial habit. I firmly suggest everyone wait until many people have owned it and then enjoy the values of these electronics.

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-3-22 22:15
As people live in the modern time where there is a boom for information, the Internet industrial flourishes together. The internet offers people a lot of messages, such as employment notes, working reporters and so on. So, I definitely insist that the Internet plays an essential role in the information exchange.

To begin with, work hunters are benefited a lot from recruitment informations on the Internet. It is commonly accepted that the matter of employment is one of the most vital problems in the world. But now many people could breath out as the foundation of the online hiring stage. With the development of the Internet, many giant companies create an employment system through which one is accessible to the job news of companies and submit his resume. Hence, chances are more for him to get hired. Therefore, a good use of network does help people find jobs with more easiness.

Moreover, it is efficient, convenient and economical for workers to exchange informations via networks. In working situations everyone has a lot of affairs to deal with. What if people ~~are~~ in different departments or various floors need to discuss business? Then, computers answer, "yes, we can." Actually, with those devices' technological help, we can deliver a chat or just a face-to-face talk with each other. As a result, people save quantities of time, energy and money. So it is obvious that the Internet enables workers to accomplish their tasks at an unbelievable speed, and even boost the international trade.

Besides, though I admit there emerges some troubles in the network（some troubles emerges in the network）, we are able to control these issues via a series ofmore complete policies. The government has strengthened the force to fine those illegal online activities. Take a case in point. Three years ago, thousands of net-citizens are(were) threatened a group of fake websites which received money without sending goods. Then, the government made a law to forbid this behavior and related department made efforts to close these bad sites. Consequently, people come back to a harmony and believable (trustable) atmosphere.

In general, since the Internet can not only help solve the employment problems, but also make work more efficient, convenient and economical. We(, we) are responsible to learn to make full use of it. Only in this way, will we become the beam of our country!

作者: lovetudoubao 时间: 2012-3-23 22:00
Sincetechnologies are of greater maturity, a good number of new devices emerge onthe electronic market. To be look in fashion, people tend to own the deviceimmediately it comes out. Opposite to these crazy behaviors, I preferto purchase one when it is popularized.(感觉有点 chinglish, 改为 I won’t purchaseone until it has been popularized)

To begin with, it is favored(moreeconomical感觉更加恰当一些) for us to buy those objects later since theirprices will decline soon. Due to the （fast）development of technology and science, there isa short update-term for electronics. Take mobile phones (改为mobile-phone industry) as an example, Nokia is a famed phone brand in the hinterland of China（由于后面的which designs应该指代的是公司，建议在此改为 famedmobile phone maker for the hinterland of China）, whichdesigns several types of phones per year. Consequently, most of people, especiallycollege students, are involved in the pursuit of so-called modern phones thatusually charge people exorbitantly. Notwithstanding(感觉However会好一些，因为notwithstanding似乎强调的是大学生最求贵的东西，更多的是让步，而however确是在强调你想要说的), it is of more chance to deliver a sharp reduce on price to certain phones for a few months. So, we arenot necessary to buy these technological devices ahead of the crowds, just waitpatiently and then make it at a reasonable and lower price

In addition, it is unwise to buy technologicalmerchandise at the beginning since some practical problems may come intofloating soon. A survey wasdone on theChinese 3.15 Day, when the government will work into different industries toprotect residents' interest. That survey conveys a vital message that over 75%of electronic products' defects turn out after being available for guests. Forinstance, many years ago, my neighbor John bought the newest television setnamed of(去掉) Changhong which made advertisement for its good quality.Nevertheless, a fire accident happened to him because of the too much heat in that（its poor heatoutput ）television set. Then Ichanged my original plan to buy the sameone. Hence, I advise people not to buy the newest technological ones.

Though I admit those fresh technologicaldevices enable people to be trendy, whereas they promote buyers to form a badfinancial habit. As people insistently pour quantities of wealth on such newtechnological inventions, they gradually form a convention that they must own thenew one when it is accessible, otherwise they will be uncomfortable. Thus, geta new one when it is just put out truly influence people negatively.

To sum up, these people ignore a basic factthat some products virtually bring with some troubles, like the waste of money,practical shortcomings and a bad financial habit. I firmly suggest everyonewait until many people have owned it and then enjoy the values of theseelectronics.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-31 11:39
3.31 独立
字数缩水了（363）
Nowadays, since people are able to afford a car, there is a skyrocketing number of cars moving on the road. However, most people argue that airplane, as an advanced transportation, plays a more important role in society. Opposite to this view, I firmly insist the automobile exerts a bigger influence than airplane.

To begin with, a car grants us more convenience than a airplane. In general, a parking pot, which is usually near the car owner's house, is available for them to lay down their cars. In this case, no matter when and where they have to go, all need to do is get the key and walk to the parking place, then start the engine. Conversely, airplane makes people cover a long distance to reach the airport which is normally located at the edge of the city in case of the noise pollution. Hence, we get a point that automobiles is far more convenient than airplanes.

Besides, taking the aspect of expenditure, we easily find the airplane charges people more money than the car does. According to statistics offered by Chinese Transportation Research Center, the airplane's cost is 30% higher than that of a car in the same trip. The reasons are as follows: an airplane need to be overall inspected before taking off, nevertheless, the skill of handling a car is easier. As far as I concerned, a car's conventional cost is on the oil. Thus, it is less expensive for us to use a car.

I concede that the present car is less environmentally friendly than the airplane is, extraordinary scientists are experimenting on the ecological car. The electrical car is a good case. Instead of the traditional fuel-powered car, this new kind of car gets powered only by the electricity, resulting the sharp decrease of the release of carbon dioxide. So you see, though the airplane do less polluted, we can also come up with an improved car to meet demands of environment protection.

Considering all the analysis above, as the car can not only provided residents with convenience and cheapness, but also do good to the environment, I predict that everyone will rely on cars in the future.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-1 23:27
4.1 独立
Nowadays, giant companies pay more attention on its employees' qualities since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which hances employee's work skills enjoys the first priority on investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening workers communication ability is a good method to make company's pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a proud guy and did not want to share business tasks with him. Luckily, there was a communication train offered by the company, where Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.

Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill, people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours. Then, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplishment a documents, the higher efficient he or she is.

Furthermore, whether can a worker write a extraordinary report dominates how successfully the company can reach a project. The writing skill, is not simply about making up words, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is a big project needed to be carried out by a certain company, competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition? The writing skill plays an essential role during this competition.

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking, reading and writing, promotes the rate which a company developes, every leader of films are supposed to consider this issue first. I even can predict with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-4-2 10:42
3月31日独立修改
红色为错误蓝色为建议或疑惑高亮为精彩
Nowadays, since people are able to afford a car, there is a skyrocketing number of cars moving on the road. However, most people argue that airplane, as an advanced transportation, plays a more important role in society. Opposite to this view, I firmly insist the automobile exerts(insist是不是要跟should+原型？)a bigger influence(建议把big换一下，enormous？或者用is more influential) than airplane.

To begin with, a car grants us more convenience than a(an)airplane. In general, a parking pot, which is usually near (我觉得用next to更好哇~near所指的是附近，而next to是紧紧挨着的意思)the car owner's house, is available for them(指代不明确，虽然能读出来是车主的意思) to lay down their cars. In this case, no matter when and where they have to go, all (+they) need to do is (+to) get the key and walk to the parking place, then start the engine. Conversely, airplane makes people cover a long distance to reach the airport which is normally located at the edge of the city(不是很地道的表达呢，我查了一个urban fringe~)in case of(我觉得这里用的不是很合适，建议换成in order to avoid) the noise pollution. Hence, we get (get to/reach)a point that automobiles is(复述) far more convenient than airplanes.

Besides, taking the aspect of expenditure, we easily find the airplane charges people more money than the car does. According to statistics offered by Chinese Transportation Research Center, the airplane's cost is 30% higher than that of a car in the same trip(in an equally spaced trip/ in an equidistant way供参考~). The reasons are as follows: (这里有点小问题，下面就只有一个reason，这样说不是很合适啊)an airplane need(needs) to be overall inspected before taking off, nevertheless, the skill of handling a car is easier. As far as I concerned, a car's conventional cost(basic cost/expense) is on the oil. Thus, it is less expensive for us to use a car. (这一段的数例法用的很棒哦，赞！)

I concede that the present car is less environmentally friendly (environmental-friendly) than the airplane is, extraordinary scientists are experimenting on the ecological car. The electrical car is a good case. Instead of the traditional fuel-powered car, this new kind of car gets powered only by the electricity, resulting the sharp decrease of the release of carbon dioxide. (good examples！)So you see, though the airplane do(does) less polluted, we can also come up with(提出？) an improved car to meet demands of environment protection.

Considering all the analysis above, as(可以去掉吧？) the car can not only provided residents with convenience and cheapness, but also do(does)good to the environment, I predict that everyone will rely on cars in the future.(最后一段写的很好，但是我觉得缺少一点点题的意味，建议把最后一句改成所以我认为汽车比飞机对社会的影响或者贡献更大。)【conclusion】婷婷的用词很精妙~这一篇文章最大的亮点我觉得是例子运用的特别好，我在听力中接触到过electric cars，但是写的时候却想不到要运用，看了婷婷的文章感觉真的是很灵活~继续加油哦！

【conclusion】婷婷的用词很精妙~这一篇文章最大的亮点我觉得是例子运用的特别好，我在听力中接触到过electric cars，但是写的时候却想不到要运用，看了婷婷的文章感觉真的是很灵活~继续加油哦！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-2 17:30
标题: 谢谢lovetudou
3.22 作文改后
紫色~

Sincetechnologies are of greater maturity, a good number of new devices emerge onthe electronic market. To be look in fashion, people tend to own the deviceimmediately it comes out. Opposite to these crazy behaviors, I won't purchase one until it has been popularized.(感觉有点chinglish, 改为I won’t purchaseone until it has been popularized)

To begin with, it is more economical(moreeconomical感觉更加恰当一些)for us to buy those objects later since theirprices will decline soon. Due to the （fast）development of technology and science, there isa shortupdate-term for electronics. Takemobile-phone industry(改为mobile-phone industry)as an example, Nokia is afamed mobile phone maker in the hinterland of China（由于后面的which designs应该指代的是公司，建议在此改为famedmobile phone maker for the hinterland of China）,whichdesigns several types of phones per year.Consequently, most of people, especiallycollege students, are involved in the pursuit of so-called modern phones thatusually charge people exorbitantly. However(感觉However会好一些，因为notwithstanding似乎强调的是大学生最求贵的东西，更多的是让步，而however确是在强调你想要说的),it is of more chance to deliver a sharp reduce on priceto certain phones for a few months. So, we arenot necessary to buy these technological devices ahead of the crowds, just waitpatiently and then make it at a reasonable and lower price

In addition, it is unwise to buy technologicalmerchandise at the beginning since some practical problems may come intofloating soon. A surveywasdone on theChinese 3.15 Day, when the government will work into different industries toprotect residents' interest. That survey conveys a vital message that over 75%of electronic products' defects turn out after being available for guests. Forinstance, many years ago, my neighbor John bought the newest television setnamed of(去掉)Changhong which made advertisement for its good quality.Nevertheless, a fire accident happened to him because ofthe too much heat in that（its poor heatoutput ）television set. Then Ichanged my original plan to buythe sameone. Hence, I advise people not to buy the newest technological ones.

Though I admit those fresh technologicaldevices enable people to be trendy, whereas they promote buyers to form a badfinancial habit. As people insistently pour quantities of wealth on such newtechnological inventions, they gradually form a convention that they must own thenew one when it is accessible, otherwise they will be uncomfortable. Thus, geta new one when it is just put out truly influence people negatively.

To sum up, these people ignore a basic factthat some products virtually bring with some troubles, like the waste of money,practical shortcomings andthebad financial habit. I firmly suggest everyonewait until many people have owned it and then enjoy the values of theseelectronics.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-2 18:07
3.31独立作文再改紫色~
谢谢晨依这么认真地改文

Nowadays, since people are able to afford a car, there is a skyrocketing number of cars moving on the road. However, most people argue that airplane, as an advanced transportation, plays a more important role in society. Opposite to this view, I firmly insist the automobile exerts(insist是不是要跟should+原型？)a enormousinfluence(建议把big换一下，enormous？或者用is more influential) than airplane.

自我认错：词汇缺乏，我继续蹲墙角背单词……

To begin with, a car grants us more convenience than an(an)airplane. In general, a parking pot, which is usually near(我想的不是每个人都可能有车库，可能是一个大停车场之类的，所以还是不改了)(我觉得用next to更好哇~near所指的是附近，而next to是紧紧挨着的意思)the car owner's house, is available for those owners(指代不明确，虽然能读出来是车主的意思) to lay down their cars. In this case, no matter when and where they have to go, all they(+they) need to do is to(+to) get the key and walk to the parking place, then start the engine. Conversely, airplane makes people cover a long distance to reach the airport which is normally located at urban fringe(不是很地道的表达呢，我查了一个urban fringe~)in case of(我觉得这里用的不是很合适，建议换成in order to avoid)the noise pollution. Hence, we get to(少介词了)(get to/reach)a point that automobiles are(复述) far more convenient than airplanes.

Besides, taking the aspect of expenditure, we easily find the airplane charges people more money than the car does. According to statistics offered by Chinese Transportation Research Center, the airplane's cost is 30% higher than that of a car in the same trip(in an equally spaced trip/ in an equidistant way供参考~). The reasonsis that(确实，逻辑上不太对） (这里有点小问题，下面就只有一个reason，这样说不是很合适啊)an airplane need(needs) to be overall inspected before taking off, nevertheless, the skill of handling a car is easier. As far as I concerned, a car's conventional expense(basic cost/expense) is on the oil. Thus, it is less expensive for us to use a car. (这一段的数例法用的很棒哦，赞！)

I concede that the present car is less environmental-friendly (environmental-friendly) than the airplane is, extraordinary scientists are experimenting on the ecological car. The electrical car is a good case. Instead of the traditional fuel-powered car, this new kind of car gets powered only by the electricity, resulting the sharp decrease of the release of carbon dioxide. (good examples！)So you see, though the airplane does(呵呵，改别人作文的时候能看出来，自己也是主谓不一致……)(does) less polluted, we can also ~~come up with~~ invent/devise(提出？)an improved car to meet demands of environment protection.

Considering all the analysis above, as(可以去掉吧？)the car can not only provided residents with convenience and cheapness, but also does(does)good to the environment, I predict that the car will totally takes over the main role of the airplane in the future.(这么改好吗？)(最后一段写的很好，但是我觉得缺少一点点题的意味，建议把最后一句改成所以我认为汽车比飞机对社会的影响或者贡献更大。)

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-4-2 19:25
婷婷~我看了你的修改，挺不错的！

作者: xf76 时间: 2012-4-2 20:21
4月1日独立写作修改：
Nowadays, giant(giant：巨大的，特大的；用increasing（越来越多的）一类词可能会好一点) companies pay more attention on its employees' qualities（capacities可能会好一点。quality:最普通用词，既可指有形或无形的特性，又可指个性或共性的特征；capacity:侧重指人的潜在能力，通常不指体力，多指才智，尤指接受与领悟能力。） since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which hances（enhances） employee's work skills enjoys the first priority on（first priority 常与to连用） investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening （the） communication ability（ability是可数名词，应该加限定词或者复数） is a good method to make company's（companies’s , company也是可数名词） pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a proud(haughty 或者arrogant也可以) guy and did not want to share business tasks（assignment也可以） with him. Luckily, there was a communication train（instruction也可以） offered by the company, where（where只带不清） Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible（he tries to no sooner chat with others that he has spare time.）,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.

Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill(skills), people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical(potential) element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours(我感觉time好一点，但是不确定). Then（也可以用accordingly，consequently）, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplishment（accomplish） a documents（单数document）, the higher efficient he or she is.
Furthermore, whether can a worker write a extraordinary report（这个是主语从句吗？如果是应该用陈述语序） dominates how successfully the company can reach a project（a project is finished(completed) by the the company(corporation)）. The writing skill, is not simply（simple） about making up(editing) words）, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is a big（big也可用great） project needed to be carried out by a certain company,（fierce，keen可做修饰） competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition(contest, match也可以)? The writing skill plays an essential role during this competition.

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking（skills）, reading（abilities） and writing（aptitudes）, promotes the rate which a company developes, every leader（chief） of films（这个词我没读明白） are supposed to consider this issue first（primarily）. I even can predict （加个that比较好，虽然没用）with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.

1.   没有显示出词汇量
2.   我在新东方上课时老师告诉我们做好少用或不用be动词和make，get 一类可以代表多个意思的词，多用动词， be动词可在被动语态中出现。
3.   三四段我读出员工读和写的技能很重要，但是和题目没什么关系，我想左后总结时加一句总结可能会比较好。
4.   整体写的很好，逻辑清晰，层次分明。

作者: xf76 时间: 2012-4-2 20:27
标题: 4月1日独立修改
Nowadays, giant(giant：巨大的，特大的；用increasing（越来越多的）一类词可能会好一点) companies pay more attention on its employees' qualities（capacities可能会好一点。quality:最普通用词，既可指有形或无形的特性，又可指个性或共性的特征；capacity:侧重指人的潜在能力，通常不指体力，多指才智，尤指接受与领悟能力。） since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which hances（enhances） employee's work skills enjoys the first priority on（first priority 常与to连用） investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening （the） communication ability（ability是可数名词，应该加限定词或者复数） is a good method to make company's（companies’s , company也是可数名词） pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a proud(haughty 或者arrogant也可以) guy and did not want to share business tasks（assignment也可以） with him. Luckily, there was a communication train（instruction也可以） offered by the company, where（where只带不清） Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible（he tries to no sooner chat with others that he has spare time.）,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.

Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill(skills), people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical(potential) element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours(我感觉time好一点，但是不确定). Then（也可以用accordingly，consequently）, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplishment（accomplish） a documents（单数document）, the higher efficient he or she is.
Furthermore, whether can a worker write a extraordinary report（这个是主语从句吗？如果是应该用陈述语序） dominates how successfully the company can reach a project（a project is finished(completed) by the the company(corporation)）. The writing skill, is not simply（simple） about making up(editing) words）, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is a big（big也可用great） project needed to be carried out by a certain company,（fierce，keen可做修饰） competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition(contest, match也可以)? The writing skill plays an essential role during this competition.

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking（skills）, reading（abilities） and writing（aptitudes）, promotes the ratewhich a company developes, every leader（chief）of films（这个词我没读明白） are supposed to consider this issue first（primarily）. I even can predict （加个that比较好，虽然没用）with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.

1.没有显示出词汇量

我在新东方上课时老师告诉我们做好少用或不用be动词和make，get 一类可以代表多个意思的词，多用动词， be动词可在被动语态中出现。
三四段我读出员工读和写的技能很重要，但是和题目没什么关系，我想左后总结时加一句总结可能会比较好。
整体写的很好，逻辑清晰，层次分明。

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-3 12:16
标题: 4.2 独立
Nowadays, people are engaged in works which demand longer time and enormous energy. When it comes to the approaches to relax, various views emerges. Some insist that leisure time spent on hobbies is better, and others emphasize the importance of physical exercise. I hold the second point.

Initially, physical exercise guarantees for people's health. Though pursuing hobbies grant a great deal of happiness, people may neglect a deeper consideration: whether it benefits our health? At most situation, it does not. For instance, a hobby as watching movies. It is common accepted that coming to cinema on free time is a good way to relieve ourselves. However, as we just do things like siting down and staring at the big screen, we are not able to get adequate exercise. Instead, when running or playing tennis on the playground offer us a better healthy condition.

Moreover, physical activities enable people to form wider social circle. Opposite to sharing the same hobbies in a small group, there is a higher chance for people who participate collective physical activities to acquire new friends different fields connected. Let us focus on an example, the basketball is a popular activity which needs five persons in both team and compete to get a goal. This activity is related closely with cooperation. Generally, after a fierce combat, everyone even the audiences who joins in will become friends despite of occupation, gender and age. So, it is really a good way to gain widely social connected.

In addition, employees tend to be refreshed and more efficient after the relaxation of physical activities. According to a report of China Health Fund(CHF), most people can relieve themselves for heavy working pressure and recover quickly. My gregarious sister Lily is a good case. She works in a giant international company, thus she has to undertake a great number of tasks everyday. To our surprise, her smile shine us a lot. Then, I find her secret: physical exercise. She is used to jogging in the nearby park for one hour every morning, during which she refreshes herself and gets ready again for working challenges. So, the advantage of physical exercise comes out: it stimulates working efficiency.

Considering all analysis above, physical activities bring people with health, wide-circle friends and working efficiency, we are supposed to put the first priority on exercises. Only in this way will we gain ourselves success from work and life.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-3 13:36
4月1日独立修改再修改紫色
4月1日独立修改 再修改紫色

Nowadays,increasing/skyrocketing(giant：巨大的，特大的；用increasing（越来越多的）一类词可能会好一点) companies pay more attention on its employees' capacities（capacities可能会好一点。quality:最普通用词，既可指有形或无形的特性，又可指个性或共性的特征；capacity:侧重指人的潜在能力，通常不指体力，多指才智，尤指接受与领悟能力。） since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which enhances（enhances） employee's work skills enjoys the first priority over(?)（first priority 常与to连用） investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening the（the） communication ability（ability是可数名词，应该加限定词或者复数） is a good method to makethe company's（companies’s , company也是可数名词） pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a ~~proud~~ haughty/arrogant(haughty 或者arrogant也可以) guy and did not want to share business tasks/assignments（assignment也可以） with him. Luckily, there was a communication train/instruction（instruction也可以） offered by the company, where（where只带不清） Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible（he tries to no sooner chat with others ~~that~~than he has spare time.）,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.

Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill(skills), people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical(这是根本的意思)(potential) element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours(我感觉time好一点，但是不确定). Then（也可以用accordingly，consequently）, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplish~~ment~~（accomplish） a documents（单数document）, the higher efficient he or she is, thus create more interest for his or her company.

Furthermore, ~~whether can a worker write a extraordinary report~~（改成：a worker's capacity to write a extraordinary report）（这个是主语从句吗？如果是应该用陈述语序） dominates ~~how successfully~~ ~~the company can reach a project~~the project's progress of that company (a project is finished(completed) by the the company(corporation)）. The writing skill, is not simply(simply是副词)（simple） about making up(editing) words）, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is agreat（big也可用great） project needed to be carried out by a certain company,（fierce，keen可做修饰）furious competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition(contest, match也可以)? As the writing skill plays an essential role during this project competition, the company's profits largely depends on writing skill.

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking（skills）, reading（abilities） and writingaptitudes(skills,abilities,aptitudes都是复数吗？)（aptitudes）, promotes the ratewhich a company developes, every leader（chief）of firms（写错了，是firms）（这个词我没读明白） are supposed to consider this issue ~~first~~primarily(primarily）. I even can predict that（加个that比较好，虽然没用）with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.

My own conclusion1.词汇不过关，缺少出彩的点

2.每段结尾照应开头TS

3.尽量使用get,不用there be

1.没有显示出词汇量

1 我在新东方上课时老师告诉我们做好少用或不用be动词和make，get 一类可以代表多个意思的词，多用动词， be动词可在被动语态中出现。

2 三四段我读出员工读和写的技能很重要，但是和题目没什么关系，我想左后总结时加一句总结可能会比较好。

3 整体写的很好，逻辑清晰，层次分明。

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-3 16:07
4.3 独立
仅为写文方便，不是个人观点，我真正还是觉得让大家都开心才是王道！
As every individual lives in the big social circle, he or she must keep in touch with others to a large degree. When it comes to happiness, it is generally held that people can get happiness when they make others pleased. However, this concept can not bear deeper consideration.My points are as follows.

To begin with, to someone, it is his job to create happiness for other, and he may suffer from it. Take a funny star Mr. Bean as a case, his inner heart may not behave the same. Mr.s Bean is well known for his role in a American series, at which he performs a great number of funny things, even ridiculous ones. For instance, in a cafe, he tries to chat with a pretty lady. However, unlucky accidents happen to him one by one. First, he knocks at the waiter and then he was criticized by a stranger. Last, he even does not realize that lady has gone minutes before. Everybody as well as audiences laugh at him. He makes it to let every others smile, nevertheless resulting in his own serious disease. So, if it is only a person's job to do these, he is not able to grasp true happiness.

Besides, people who make others happy probably cry in his heart. Most of people are responsible and considerate, thus it is unavoidable to face this embarrassing situation. Tom, a sales manager in a international company, is a nice workaholic. Every time when he stands a heavy sales task, his first priority is to smile to his leader, and then comfort encourage his ten-person team, though he is quite anxious and stressed out inside. For people like Tom, they do make others cheerful, he may cry as he bear more than others.

In addition, happiness is dominated by a person's own delights. A person get to the happy point only if he does his own valued items. A handsome boy purchases a bunch of fragrant flowers to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, the only reason is his girlfriend love flowers. But to the boy's perspective, he thinks the flowers charge him exorbitantly on that certain day. Consequently, though his girlfriend is joyful, he does not feel happy for he has spent one third of his pocket money. Instead, he would like to throw himself into his favorite computer game,then exposes his teeth in the air. Hence, we get a conclusion, happiness rely on a person's own authentic delights.

To sum up, people who make efforts to make others happy in sake of many purposes:. People can not achieve radical delight if they make others happy. Thus, why do we make painstaking works on others' smile? Let us go ahead and pursue our favorite issues.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-4-3 21:41
4月2日 110709NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different what they do at work.

Nowadays, people are engaged in works（work工作；works 作品） which demand （for词组）longer time and enormous energy. When it comes to the approaches to relax, various views emerges (emerge). Some insist that leisure time spent on hobbies is better, and others emphasize the importance of physical exercise. I hold the second point. (感觉怪怪的，My opinion goes to the latter.)

Initially, physical exercise guarantees for（删掉） people's health. Though pursuing hobbies grant（grants）a great deal of happiness, people may neglect a deeper consideration: whether it benefits our health? At (In词组) most situation,(however,) it does not. For instance, a hobby as watching movies.(不能单独成句。，a hobby such as w t或者直接w t for instance.) It is common(commonly) accepted that coming(going 词组) to cinema on free time is a good way to relieve ourselves. However, as we just do things like siting down and staring at the big screen, we are not able to get adequate exercise. Instead, when(删除) running or playing tennis on the playground offer us a better healthy condition.

Moreover, physical activities enable people to form wider social circle. Opposite to sharing the same hobbies in a small group, there is a higher chance for people who participate（in 词组） collective physical activities(？) to acquire new friends （from）different fields connected (?). Let us focus on an example, the basketball is a popular activity which needs five persons in both team and (to) compete to get a goal. This activity is related closely with(relate to建议calls for strong ) cooperation. Generally, after a fierce combat, everyone even the audiences who joins in will become friends despite of occupation, gender and age. So, it is really a good way to gain widely social connected. (?)

In addition, employees tend to be refreshed and more efficient after the relaxation of physical activities. According to a report of China Health Fund(CHF), most people can relieve themselves for(from) heavy working pressure and recover quickly. My gregarious sister Lily is a good case. She works in a giant international company, thus she has to undertake a great number of tasks everyday. To our surprise, her smile shine(shines) us a lot. Then, I find her secret: physical exercise. She is used to jogging in the nearby park for one hour every morning, during which she refreshes herself and gets ready again for working challenges. So, the advantage of physical exercise comes out: it stimulates working efficiency.
这段还不错！比较顺！

Considering all analysis above, physical activities bring people with(删除) health, wide-circle friends and working efficiency, we are supposed to put the first priority on exercises. Only in this way will we gain ourselves success from work and life.

结构很清晰。但是语法错误太多了，以至于看完后意思都支离破碎了。搭配还要多多积累地道的。加油啦！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-4 09:53
4.4 独立

Architects are trying to create more fashionable structures in metropolises. However, when it comes to the old historic building, people tend to pay less attention. In my view, I insist that the government should emphasize the reservation of the old historic building.

Initially, historic buildings enable us to cultivate excellent virtues. In general, over half number of old constructions are built in honor of celebrities. Let us come to the Confucius Temple in Shandong Province, China. Confucius, who created a shool of Chinese traditional thought, is a extraordinary philosopher thousands of years ago. Moreover, it is his perseverance spirit that encourages people in China, Japan, South Korea and even Vietnam. At that time, he was expelled by each country. But he did not lose heart, instead, he kept looking for the truth. Thus, it is our duty to preserve the temple, for we can shape and mold our characteristics from Confucius.

Besides, landmarks remind us of the past. Every building witnesses the affairs happened here in the past. Like the Yuanmingyuan Palace in Beijing, it is a place to get people considered how weak Chinese were before. Likewise, the Jinghang Canal is regarded as the accumulation of citizens' painstaking work. Besides, the Egyptian pyramids is the symbol of the previous property. Also, the Liberty Statue which stands in the middle of New York City, claims the exciting moment of te Independent Declaration. All these landmarks make people memorize the past, so the government must take measures to protect those valued structures.

In addition, people can also develope a sense of patriotism via old historic buildings. Take the Great Wall as an example, which is one of seven wonders in the world, lies thousands of miles from the east cover though the west in case of enemy's incursion. The Great Wall withstands at least 800 years, nevertheless, remains complete. As the building is so grand and amazing, every person who stands on the wall subconsciously has a proud feeling to the country. In this situation, the old historic buildings really play a vital role in the nation's coherence, we must maintain them for a longer time.

Considering all analysis above, the old historic building is indispensable for us to obtain good morality, patriotism as well as remind people of the past issues, the government is supposed to put the first priority over these buildings. I believe, with the joint effort, we will acquire more from these buildings.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-4 15:48
4.3 综合 tpo24
第一次写，很水，请狠狠地批吧
The writer shows us a dinosaur fossil contains material about blood vessels, red blood cells and collage matrix. However, the lecturer hold an opposite point:that dinosaur fossil cannot reveal these reality as it is not able to keep those materials.

First, the writer deliver that the leg bone has some blood vessel, while the narrator believe that evidence is not necessary to prove the existence of veins instead of something else. As much bacteria.. live inside the bone, such as hollow and channels, they are probably made by the bacteria.

Second, the reading part supports that microscopic examination test out blood cells. When it comes to the listening, we know those red spheres do not mean blood cells. Though those spheres contain the element of iron, there is great chance that reddish may be some kinds of minerals existed in the nearby place, such as iron.

Last, the reading material believe that the test on the leg bone found collagen. Nevertheless, the speaker do not accept the findings of that collagen. He insists such biochemical substance can not make it to survive for 17 million years. Besides, he suggests exploration on skin is better.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-4 17:15
4.2 TPO23 综合
The reading material mainly talks about several explanations contribute to the declination of the Yellow Cedar. Conversely, the listening part believe at present there is none of those hypothesises such as insect parasite, brown bears and climate change, is completely right.

First of all, the writer put forward a point that insect parasite like beetle is a main cause, while the lecturer agues that the Yellow Cedar beetle is not the fundamental element to the drop of that tree. Since the tree's leaves can shoot out powerful chemicals which is poisonous, the tree is unlikely for the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks.

Moreover, opposite to the writer's bear explanation, the narrator thinks the overall population decline of the Yellow Cedar has nothing to do with the brown bears. This kind of tree is existed on both main land and island. However, there is not bear available on the island, still resulting the drop of the island Yellow Cedar. Thus, we figure out that bear does not mean the decrease of the Yellow Cedar.

Besides, the climate change is accepted by the writer as a cause due to the Yellow Cedar's damage. Ironically, the speaker gets a common phenomena that the Yellw Cedar in the higer place where the temperature is lower survives better than the lower elevation place. Though the climate change make the tree's root more sensitive than it used to be, the climate change can not account for the tree's reduction.

作者: 夏雨霏霏 时间: 2012-4-4 21:04
The reading material mainly talks about several explanations contribute to the declination of the Yellow Cedar. Conversely, the listening part believes at present there is none of those hypothesises such as insect parasite, brown bears and climate change,(hypothesis 后面跟这几个名词，不对啊，应该是句子，我觉得开头直接说lecturer直接把reading 否了就好，下面在展开) is completely right.

First of all, the writer putS forward a point that insect parasite like beetle is a main cause, while the lecturer argues that the Yellow Cedar beetle is not the fundamental element to the drop of that tree. Since the tree's leaves can shoot out powerful chemicals which is poisonous, the tree is unlikely for the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks(it is unlikely that 吧).

Moreover, opposite to the writer's bear explanation, the narrator thinks the overall population decline of the Yellow Cedar has nothing to do with the brown bears. This kind of tree is existed（不被动啊）on both main land and island. However, there is not bear available（好怪，不要了吧） on the island, still resulting the drop of the island Yellow Cedar. Thus, we figure out that bear does not mean（leads to）the decrease of the Yellow Cedar.

Besides, the climate change is accepted by the writer as a cause due to(cause，due to重复啊，cause of ) the Yellow Cedar's damage. Ironically, the speaker gets a common phenomena（这个是复数形式） that the Yellow Cedar in the higher place where the temperature is lower survives better than the lower elevation place. Though the climate change makes the tree's root more sensitive than it used to be, the climate change can not account for the tree's reduction.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-4 22:20
As every individual lives in the big social circle, he or she must keep in touch with others to a large degree. When it comes to happiness, it is generally held that people can get happiness when they make others pleased. However, this concept can not bear deeper consideration.My points are as follows.

To begin with, to someone, it is his job to create happiness for other, and he may suffer from it. Take a funny star Mr. Bean as a case, his inner heart may not behave the same. Mr.s Bean is well known for his role in a American series, at which he performs a great number of funny things, even ridiculous ones. For instance, in a cafe, he tries to chat with a pretty lady. However, unlucky accidents happen to him one by one. First, he knocks at the waiter and then he was criticized by a stranger. Last, he even does not realize that lady has gone minutes before. Everybody as well as audiences laughs(主语还是everyone) at him. He makes it to let every others smile, nevertheless resulting in his own serious disease. So, if it is only a person's job to do these, he is not able to grasp true happiness.

Besides, people who make others happy probably cry in his heart. Most of people are responsible and considerate, thus it is unavoidable to face this embarrassing situation. Tom, a sales manager in a international company, is a nice workaholic. Every time when he stands a heavy sales task, his first priority is to smile to his leader, and then comfort encourage（这里去掉一个词吧） his ten-person team, though he is quite anxious and stressed out inside. For people like Tom, they do make others cheerful, he may cry as he bears more than others.

In addition, happiness is dominated by a person's own delights. A person gets to the happy point only if he does his own valued items. A handsome boy purchases a bunch of fragrant flowers to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, the only reason is his girlfriend loves flowers. But to the boy's perspective, he thinks the flowers charge him exorbitantly on that certain day. Consequently, though his girlfriend is joyful, he does not feel happy for he has spent one third of his pocket money. Instead, he would like to throw himself into his favorite computer game, then exposes his teeth in the air.（不知道是神马意思啊） Hence, we get a conclusion, happiness rely on a person's own authentic delights.

To sum up, people who make efforts to make others happy in sake of（这样用对吗？我只见过这个for the sake of）many purposes. People can not achieve radical delight if they make others happy. Thus, why do we make painstaking works on others' smile? Let us go ahead and pursue our favorite issues.

婷婷· 你有木有发现一个特有意思的东西
咱俩每次都是对立的观点呼呼

觉得你每次都能写出好多字羡慕死了
作文水平已经不错了整体挺严谨的论点很鲜明
就是得注意些小细节比如单复数时态神马的

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-6 22:04
4.2 独立改后
4月2日110709NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different what they do at work.

Nowadays, people are engaged inworks（work工作；works 作品） which demand （（demand可以是及物的）（for词组）longer time and enormous energy. When it comes to the approaches to relax, various views emerges(emerge). Some insist that leisure time spent on hobbies is better, and others emphasize the importance of physical exercise.My opinion goes to the latter.(感觉怪怪的，My opinion goes to the latter.)

Initially, physical exercise guarantees~~for~~（删掉） people's health. Though pursuing hobbies grants（grants）a great deal of happiness, people may neglect a deeper consideration: whether it benefits our health? In (In词组) most situation,(however,) it does not. For instance, a hobby such as watching movies.(不能单独成句。，a hobby such as w t或者直接w t for instance.) It is commonly (commonly) accepted that going(这个明显我是不地道)(going 词组) to cinema on free time is a good way to relieve ourselves. However, as we just do things like siting down and staring at the big screen, we are not able to get adequate exercise. Instead,~~when~~(删除) running or playing tennis on the playground offer us a better healthy condition.

Moreover, physical activities enable people to form wider social circle. Opposite to sharing the same hobbies in a small group, there is a higher chance for people who participate in词组） collective physical activities(这个是集体体育活动啊？) to acquire new friendswho are（from）different fields connected (来自于不同领域?). Let us focus on an example, the basketball is a popular activity which needs five persons in both team to(to) compete to get a goal. This activity calls for strong(relate to建议calls for strong ) cooperation. Generally, after a fierce combat, everyone even the audiences who joins in will become friends despite of occupation, gender and age. So, it is really a good way to gain widely social connection.(?)

In addition, employees tend to be refreshed and more efficient after the relaxation of physical activities. According to a report of China Health Fund(CHF), most people can relieve themselves from(from) heavy working pressure and recover quickly. My gregarious sister Lily is a good case. She works in a giant international company, thus she has to undertake a great number of tasks everyday. To our surprise, her smileshines(shines) us a lot. Then, I find her secret: physical exercise. She is used to jogging in the nearby park for one hour every morning, during which she refreshes herself and gets ready again for working challenges. So, the advantage of physical exercise comes out: it stimulates working efficiency.
这段还不错！比较顺！

Considering all analysis above, physical activities bring people ~~with~~(删除) health, wide-circle friends and working efficiency, we are supposed to put the first priority on exercises. Only in this way will we gain ourselves success from work and life.

辛苦鸟儿了，我看了一遍，真的好多错误……

坚决以后抵制错误！
自己蹲墙角去了

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-6 22:05
4.3 独立改后
As every individual lives in the big social circle, he or she must keep in touch with others to a large degree. When it comes to happiness, it is generally held that people can get happiness when they make others pleased. However, this concept can not bear deeper consideration.My points are as follows.

To begin with, to someone, it is his job to create happiness for other, and he may suffer from it. Take a funny star Mr. Bean as a case, his inner heart may not behave the same. Mr.s Bean is well known for his role in a American series, at which he performs a great number of funny things, even ridiculous ones. For instance, in a cafe, he tries to chat with a pretty lady. However, unlucky accidents happen to him one by one. First, he knocks at the waiter and then he was criticized by a stranger. Last, he even does not realize that lady has gone minutes before. Everybody as well as audiences laughs（哦哦，知道了，我以为人多了就用复数了）(主语还是everyone) at him. He makes it to let every others smile, nevertheless resulting in his own serious disease. So, if it is only a person's job to do these, he is not able to grasp true happiness.

Besides, people who make others happy probably cry in his heart. Most of people are responsible and considerate, thus it is unavoidable to face this embarrassing situation. Tom, a sales manager in a international company, is a nice workaholic. Every time when he stands a heavy sales task, his first priority is to smile to his leader, and then ~~comfort~~ encourage（这里去掉一个词吧） his ten-person team, though he is quite anxious and stressed out inside. For people like Tom, they do make others cheerful, he may cry as he bears more than others.

In addition, happiness is dominated by a person's own delights. A person gets to the happy point only if he does his own valued items. A handsome boy purchases a bunch of fragrant flowers to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, the only reason is his girlfriend loves flowers. But to the boy's perspective, he thinks the flowers charge him exorbitantly on that certain day. Consequently, though his girlfriend is joyful, he does not feel happy for he has spent one third of his pocket money. Instead, he would like to throw himself into his favorite computer game, then exposes his teeth in the air.（就是把牙齿露在空气中，我想表达的是“笑容”……不知道是神马意思啊） Hence, we get a conclusion, happiness rely on a person's own authentic delights.

To sum up, people who make efforts to make others happyfor the sake of(我把in order to 给弄混了)（这样用对吗？我只见过这个for the sake of）many purposes. People can not achieve radical delight if they make others happy. Thus, why do we make painstaking works on others' smile? Let us go ahead and pursue our favorite issues.

婷婷· 你有木有发现一个特有意思的东西
咱俩每次都是对立的观点呼呼

觉得你每次都能写出好多字羡慕死了
作文水平已经不错了整体挺严谨的论点很鲜明
就是得注意些小细节比如单复数时态神马的
怎么老是不记得加s，下次再这样，我就把s都吃掉！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-6 22:06
TPO23 综合改后
The reading material mainly talks about several explanations contribute to the declination of the Yellow Cedar. Conversely, the listening part believes at present there is none of those ~~hypothesises~~hypotheses(我想用的是名词形式的猜想) such as insect parasite, brown bears and climate change,(hypothesis 后面跟这几个名词，不对啊，应该是句子，我觉得开头直接说lecturer直接把reading 否了就好，下面在展开) is completely right.

First of all, the writer putS forward a point that insect parasite like beetle is a main cause, while the lecturer argues that the Yellow Cedar beetle is not the fundamental element to the drop of that tree. Since the tree's leaves can shoot out powerful chemicals which is poisonous, ~~the tree is unlikely for the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks~~ it is unlikely that the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks.(这么写感觉好很多~)(it is unlikely that 吧).

Moreover, opposite to the writer's bear explanation, the narrator thinks the overall population decline of the Yellow Cedar has nothing to do with the brown bears. This kind of tree is existed（不被动啊）on both main land and island. However, there is not bear~~available~~（当时想着是可获得熊，哈哈）（好怪，不要了吧） on the island, still resulting the drop of the island Yellow Cedar. Thus, we figure out that bear does not leads to（leads to）the decrease of the Yellow Cedar.

Besides, the climate change is accepted by the writer ~~as a cause~~ dues to(竟然句式杂糅了)(cause，due to重复啊，cause of ) the Yellow Cedar's damage. Ironically, the speaker gets a common phenomenon（这个是复数形式） that the Yellow Cedar in the higher place where the temperature is lower survives better than the lower elevation place. Though the climate change makes the tree's root more sensitive than it used to be, the climate change can not account for the tree's reduction.

作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-6 22:42
4.4
Architects are trying to create morefashionable structures in metropolises. However, when it comes to the old historic building, peopletend to pay less attention. In my view, I insist that the government shouldemphasize the reservation of the old historic building.

Initially, historic buildings enable us tocultivate excellent virtues. In general, over half number of old constructionsare built in honor of celebrities. Let us come to the Confucius Temple in Shandong Province, China.Confucius, who created a shool(school) of Chinese traditional thought, is a extraordinaryphilosopher thousands of years ago. Moreover, it is his perseverance spirit that encourages people inChina, Japan, South Korea and even Vietnam. At that time, he wasexpelled by each country(many countries). But he did not lose heart,(断句比较好) instead,(Instead,) he kept looking for the truth. Thus, it is our duty topreserve the temple(说成责任有点奇怪，可以说it’s of great significance to preserve the temple), for wecan shape and mold our characteristics from Confucius.

Besides, landmarks remind us of the past. Everybuilding witnesses the affairs(events) happened here in the past. Like the Yuanmingyuan Palace inBeijing, it is a place to get people considered(consider? reflect反思比较好) how weak (+in international power) Chinese were before.Likewise, the Jinghang Canal is regarded as the accumulation of citizens'painstaking work. Besides, the Egyptian pyramids is the symbol of the previousproperty. Also, the Liberty Statue which stands in the middle of New York City,claims the exciting moment of te(the) Independent Declaration. All these landmarks make peoplememorize(memorize一般用在知识性文字性的记忆吧，cherish比较好珍视过去) thepast, so the government must take measures to protect those valued structures. (这段举例很棒啊，用三个简洁的语言举了三例，显得很丰满)

In addition, people can also develope(develop) asense of patriotism via old historic buildings. Take the Great Wall as anexample, which is one of seven wonders in the world, lies thousands of milesfrom the east cover though the west in case of enemy's incursion. The GreatWall withstands at least 800 years, nevertheless, remains complete. As thebuilding is so grand and amazing, every person who stands on the wallsubconsciously has a proud feeling to(feels proud of) the(his) country. In this situation, the old historic buildingsreally play a vital role in the nation's coherence, (so) we must maintain them for a longer time(continuously).

Considering all analysis above, the old historic building(不用特指) is indispensable for us to obtain good morality,patriotism as well as(and) remind people of the past issues,(.) (Therefore,) thegovernment is supposed to put the first priority over these buildings. Ibelieve, with the joint effort, we will acquire more from these buildings.

语言和例子都很丰富，表达超好，学习了^^!!

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-4-7 00:04
嘿嘿~ 婷婷每次的idea还是很赞滴~~~

关于表达的问题，我建议你每次第一天计时写，修改，看相关题目的范文，第二天反复polish，然后再贴上来。
也就是说你要提前一天写，多琢磨琢磨。这样也许很快就会有进步！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-7 19:17
well, I'll do this from right now,thanks for bird's suggestion~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-7 22:11
4.7 独立
4月7日 110513 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the ways that parents can help children be ready for adult life is to ask them to do a part-time job.

As a skyrocketing number of people gradually realize that it is of great significance on children's early career preparation, parents pay more attention to their children's participation of part-time jobs. I can not agree with this trend more. And my points are as follows.

To begin with, it is a good for children to enrich job experiences via part-time jobs. Since the social competition is more fierce than before, students hesitate whether they can do well in the future job hunting. Here, a part-job provides the student with a practical opportunity. Through those part-time jobs, students must get to know how to attend relationship between each other and the machine. Specifically, a part-time employee at the press is good at printing files and he is likely to be more talkative than others. So, a part-time job encourages children's working abilities.

Moreover, a part-time job grants children extra money and helps cultivate financial concept. As children are generally get paid for these jobs, children can easily store much money after a semester's painstaking work. Those bucks enable the children to pursue their own things, such as watching movies, shopping or hiking. By the way, parents can share their financial experience with the kids. For instance, making a list about the expense: how much the children get and then spend. In the way, the children can be more thrifty and develope a good financial habit.

I concede that part-time jobs may take up children's spare time to some degree. However, people are able to come up with some practical solutions. And a reasonable time schedule there helps those part-time workers a lot. Let us come to my friend Jenny's case, she works as a backup in a supermarket after shool. At the beginning, she felt hard to balance study and work. Luckily, the Professor noticed this and told her to make a schedule on the time management. Then, she applied for the cashier work lasting from dinner time to 10 o'clock, which guarantees enough time to complement homework and a good rest. Hence, she keeps a top student in my class and acquire a great deal money which affords to buy her a dedicated computer. So you see, though the part-time job takes up some time, children are still able to balance it by time arrangement.

To sum up, it counts that kids come to do a part-time job while studying in campus, for it could not only offer kids bound working experiences, but also give them an approach to gain pocket-money. And I believe every kid will ultimately get his or her dreaming job with a wise time arrangement.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-7 22:13
4.7 综合好水，听了几遍的说，决定猛练听力去
Both the writer and the speaker are discussing the truth of one of Rembrandt's paintings. The writer does not believe this painting is attributed to Rembrandt, while the speaker holds an opposite attitude: after a series of examinations, it is proved to be Rembrandt's painting indeed.

To begin with, the author casts the inconsistency on the woman's dress. However, the lecturer argues that is because the fore-color was not a part of the painting, as it was added on the top of the painting to increase the value of the painting about one hundred years after the painting was made.

Besides, the writer suspects the skill of handling light and shadow in this painting. Conversely, the speaker responds to the doubt with the statement once the painting's cover was removed away, the woman's face was in a single color of light colored cruff which reflects light that illuminated the lady's face. So in the original part, the lady's face was realistic.

Moreover, the reading material shows an examination that the painting was put on several glued pieces of wood. Nevertheless, the listening part explains it dues to the purpose of enlarging the painting, since people want to make the painting grand and valuable. Besides, the speaker adds that it has been proved those pieces of wood are from the same tree which are consistent with Rembrandt's other paintings.

作者: stones4 时间: 2012-4-8 00:26
As a skyrocketing这个我只查到了价格飞涨的意思？ number of people gradually realize that it is of great significance on children's early career preparation, parents pay more attention to their children's participation of part-time jobs. I can not agree with this trend more. And my points are as follows.

To begin with, it is a good for children to enrich job experiences via part-time jobs. Since the social competition is more fierce than before, students hesitate whether they can do well in the future job hunting. Here, a part-job provides the student with a practical opportunity. Through those part-time jobs, students must换个中性一点的词更好哦 get to know how to attend？这个搭配查不到啊， relationship between each other and the machine.这个句子蛮奇怪的，是想说和其他人以及更熟悉设备的使用吧 Specifically, a part-time employee at the press is good at printing files一个在报刊工作的人擅长打印文件，并且他很可能比其他人健谈 and he is likely to be more talkative than others.为什么呢？感觉这个例子没有很好的develop这个观点，和后面的这个总结句关系也很孱弱 So, a part-time job encourages children's working abilities.

Moreover, a part-time job grants children extra money and helps cultivate financial concepts. As children are generally get paid for these jobs, children can easily store much money after a semester's painstaking work. Those bucks换个正式一点的词，像直接用dollars会更好一点哦enable the children to pursue their own things稍稍觉得这里有点中式英语，是不是改成desires更好？, such as watching movies, shopping or hiking. By the way, parents can share their financial experience with the kids. For instance, making a list about the expense: how much the children get and then spend. In the way, the去掉 children can be more thrifty and develope a good financial habit.

I concede that part-time jobs may take up children's spare time to some degree. However, people are able to come up with some practical solutions. And a reasonable time schedule there helps those part-time workers a lot. Let us come to my friend Jenny's case, she works as a backup in a supermarket after school. At the beginning, she felt hard to balance study and work. Luckily, the Professor noticed this and told her to make a schedule on the time management. Then, she applied for the cashier work lasting from dinner time to 10 o'clock, which guarantees enough time to complement homework and a good rest. Hence, she keeps a top student in my class and acquire a great deal money which affords to buy her a dedicated computer. So you see, though the part-time job takes up some time, children are still able to balance it by time arrangement.例子很好，很丰满

To sum up, it counts that kids come to do a part-time job while studying in campus, for it could not only offer kids bound working experiences, but also give them an approach to gain pocket-money. And I believe every kid正式词正式词 will ultimately get his or her dreaming job with a wise time arrangement.个人以为最后一句应强调part-time job 的好，而这里强调的是时间规划对工作的好处

结构很明确，句子很流畅。

逻辑是的小细节稍稍注意一下就完美了【我自己是糟糕的要死就不乱提建议了

作者: prodliu 时间: 2012-4-8 11:02
Both the writer and the speaker are discussing the truth of one of Rembrandt's paintings. The writer does not believe this painting is attributed to Rembrandt, while the speaker holds an opposite attitude: after a series of examinations, it is proved to be Rembrandt's painting indeed.首段还是分开写把，reading的观点，however，speaker的观点

To begin with, the author casts the inconsistency on the woman's dress（cast doubt on the inconsistency of the woman's dress）. However, the lecturer argues that is(删) because the fore-color was not a part of the painting, as it was added on the top of the painting 换成it to increase the value of the painting about one hundred years after the painting was made.（这一句话4个painting，可以少两个）

Besides, the writer suspects that the skill of handling light and shadow in this painting. Conversely, the speaker responds to the doubt with the statement once the painting's cover was removed away, the woman's face was in a single color of light colored cruff which reflects light that illuminated the lady's face. So in the original part, the lady's face was realistic.

Moreover, the reading material shows an examination that the painting was put on several glued pieces of wood. Nevertheless, the listening part explains that it dues to the purpose of enlarging the painting, since people want to make the painting grand and valuable. Besides, the speaker adds that it has been proved those pieces of wood are from the same tree which are consistent with Rembrandt's other paintings.听力里面的内容还要细节，语法上注意宾语从句的that一定不能省

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-11 23:41
标题: 感谢Daisy的细心修改~
4.4 独立改后
4.4
Architects are trying to create morefashionable structures in metropolises. However, when it comes to the old historic building, peopletend to pay less attention. In my view, I insist that the government shouldemphasize the reservation of the old historic building.

Initially, historic buildings enable us tocultivate excellent virtues. In general, over half number of old constructionsare built in honor of celebrities. Let us come to the Confucius Temple in Shandong Province, China.Confucius, who created a ~~shool~~school (school) of Chinese traditional thought, is a extraordinarythinker andphilosopher thousands of years ago. Moreover, it is his perseverance spirit that encourages people inChina, Japan, South Korea and even Vietnam. At that time, he wasexpelled by~~each~~manycountries(many countries). But he did not lose heart,(断句比较好) ~~instead,~~(Instead,) Instead, he kept looking for the truth. Thus, it is of great significance topreserve the temple(说成责任有点奇怪，可以说it’s of great significance to preserve the temple), for wecan shape and mold our characteristics from Confucius.

Besides, landmarks remind us of the past. Everybuilding witnesses the~~affairs~~events(还是用events比较好)(events)happened here in the past. Like the Yuanmingyuan Palace inBeijing, it is a place to ~~get people consideredactivate~~ evoke introspection (consider? reflect反思比较好) how weak (+in international power) Chinese were before.Likewise, the Jinghang Canal is regarded as the accumulation of citizens'painstaking work. Besides, the Egyptian pyramids is the symbol of the previousproperty. Also, ~~the Liberty Statue~~the Statue of Libertywhich stands in the middle of New York City,claims the exciting moment of the(the)Independent Declaration. All these landmarks make people~~memorize~~cherish(memorize一般用在知识性文字性的记忆吧，cherish比较好珍视过去) thepast, so the government must take measures to protect those valued structures. (这段举例很棒啊，用三个简洁的语言举了三例，显得很丰满)

In addition, people can also develop(develop)asense of patriotism via old historic buildings. Take the Great Wall as anexample, which is one of seven wonders in the world, lies thousands of milesfrom the east cover though the west in case of enemy's incursion. The GreatWall withstands at least 800 years, nevertheless, remains complete. As thebuilding is so grand and amazing, every person who stands on the wallsubconsciously~~has a proud feeling to~~feels proud of this (feels proud of) the(his)country. In this situation, the old historic buildingsreally play a vital role in the nation's coherence, (so)so we must maintain them ~~for a longer time~~(这句话好土啊) permanently (continuously是不断地，感觉应该是永久的) (continuously).

Considering all analysis above, ~~the~~ old historic building(不用特指) isindispensable for us to obtain good morality,patriotismas well as(这为什么要改呢？不明白)(and) remind people of the past issues,(.) (Therefore,)Therefore, thegovernment is supposed to put the first priority over these buildings. Ibelieve, with the joint effort, we will acquire more from these buildings.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-11 23:54
4.7 独立改后
As a skyrocketing(这个单词是迅猛上涨的意思，不仅是价格，速率、数目，花费都能用)这个我只查到了价格飞涨的意思？ number of people gradually realize that it is of great significance on children's early career preparation, parents pay more attention to their children's participation of part-time jobs. I can not agree with this trend more. And my points are as follows.

To begin with, it is a good for children to enrich job experiences via part-time jobs. Since the social competition is more fierce than before, students hesitate whether they can do well in the future job hunting. Here, a part-job provides the student with a practical opportunity. Through those part-time jobs, students must换个中性一点的词更好哦 get to know how to~~attend~~cope with/manage(果然，貌似我记错了)？这个搭配查不到啊， relationship between each other and the machine.这个句子蛮奇怪的，是想说和其他人以及更熟悉设备的使用吧 Specifically, a part-time employee at the press is good at printing files一个在报刊工作的人擅长打印文件，并且他很可能比其他人健谈and he is likely to be more talkative than others.为什么呢？感觉这个例子没有很好的develop这个观点，和后面的这个总结句关系也很孱弱a part-time employee at the press is good at conversationas he has more chance to talk with others. Besides, for he usually needs to type documents, he is likely to preponderate in working efficiency. So, a part-time job encourages children's working abilities.

Moreover, a part-time job grants children extra money and helps cultivate financial concepts. As children are generally get paid for these jobs, children can easily store much money after a semester's painstaking work. Those~~bucks~~dollars换个正式一点的词，像直接用dollars会更好一点哦enable the children to pursue their ~~own thing~~sdesires 稍稍觉得这里有点中式英语，是不是改成desires更好？, such as watching movies, shopping or hiking. By the way, parents can share their financial experience with the kids. For instance, making a list about the expense: how much the children get and then spend. In the way, ~~the~~去掉 children can be more thrifty and develope a good financial habit.

I concede that part-time jobs may take up children's spare time to some degree. However, people are able to come up with some practical solutions. And a reasonable time schedule there helps those part-time workers a lot. Let us come to my friend Jenny's case, she works as a backup in a supermarket after school. At the beginning, she felt hard to balance study and work. Luckily, the Professor noticed this and told her to make a schedule on the time management. Then, she applied for the cashier work lasting from dinner time to 10 o'clock, which guarantees enough time to complement homework and a good rest. Hence, she keeps a top student in my class and acquire a great deal money which affords to buy her a dedicated computer. So you see, though the part-time job takes up some time, children are still able to balance it by time arrangement.例子很好，很丰满

To sum up, it counts that kids come to do a part-time job while studying in campus, for it could not only offer kids bound working experiences, but also give them an approach to gain pocket-money. And I believe every ~~kid~~child正式词正式词 will ultimately get his or her dreaming job with ~~a wise time arrangement~~ the practice of part-time jobs.个人以为最后一句应强调part-time job 的好，而这里强调的是时间规划对工作的好处

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-12 00:00
TPO3改后
Both the writer and the speaker are discussing the truth of one of Rembrandt's paintings. The writer does not believe this painting is attributed to Rembrandt, ~~while~~however, the speaker holds an opposite attitude: after a series of re-examinations, it is proved to be Rembrandt's painting indeed.首段还是分开写把，reading的观点，however，speaker的观点

To begin with, the author castsdoubt on the inconsistency on the woman's dress（cast doubt on the inconsistency of the woman's dress）. However, the lecturer argues that is(删) because the ~~fore-color~~fur color was not a part of the painting, as it was added on the top of ~~the painting~~it换成it to increase the value of the painting about one hundred years after ~~the painting~~itwas made.（这一句话4个painting，可以少两个）

Besides, the writer suspects that(这里的suspect不是及物动词吗？直接接的skill，of 后面是skill的修饰)the skill of handling light and shadow in this painting. Conversely, the speaker responds to the doubt with the statement once the painting's cover was removed away, the woman's face was in a single color of light colored ~~cruff~~clothwhich reflects light that illuminated the lady's face. So in the original part, the lady's face was realistic.

Moreover, the reading material shows an examination that the painting was put on several glued pieces of wood. Nevertheless, the listening part explains that it dues (这里感觉有错误)to the purpose of enlarging the painting, since people want to make the painting grand and valuable. Besides, the speaker adds that it has been proved those pieces of wood are from the same tree which are consistent with Rembrandt's other paintings.听力里面的内容还要细节，语法上注意宾语从句的that一定不能省

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-12 18:26
4.12 独立
4月12日101009 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

In contemporary society, an increasing number of people tend to move into metropolises. Someone casts the doubt that whether people living in cities are able to attend their families? In spite of the complexity of the city, I hold the point that citizens could take better care of their family members. And my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, the life in cities enjoys more convenience than that in rural areas. Since the rapid progress of urbanization, 24-hour stores, kindergartens and parks are all available, which grant those city workers a great deal of liberty to undertake business tasks as well as look after their families. For instance, with the help of kindergarten, their children are likely to get thoroughly educated by informed teachers. And this early education lays a firm foundation for children's future career. Besides, a park is a good place to carry on some family activities, such as tennis or dancing. City workers can bring their children and parents to these places after supper. Consequently, their family members receive excellent care mentally and physically.

Moreover, it seems that people, living in cities earn more, have the capacity to deal with emergencies. According to the China Finance Institute(CFI), a person who lives in the city gets salary bout 50% higher than a man whose house in the countryside does. When it comes to the family affairs, money's function is emphasized. Take my brother Tom as an example, he lives with his parents in a Chinese modern city. Once, he was verified that he caught a bad heart disease needing a big operation right away. Luckily, his parents held a good habit of getting extra money saved regularly in the bank as they both were highly payed in that city. In the end, Tom survived the severe heart disease. Thus, it is obvious that citizens are capable to give better care of their families.

I concede that individuals living in the rural areas, to some degree, obtain the prominence on aspect of spare time over ones who live downtown. However, analyzing into a deeper situation, people may find out the ignorant fact that most of these rural people are just too meager to cover the family's expenditure as the rural areas have not catch up the tempo of economic development, not mention cautious care to their family members. Conversely, when those city-living men make up a rational time arrangement which lists working hours and family hours, they would get a well management of busy work and the family , resulting in the happiness of children and parents.

Considering analysis on convenience and economy, we can easily figure out that people who live in modern cities are likely to give better care of their families.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-12 19:27
4.12 综合 TPO8
The reading material casts doubts on the accuracy of the Chevalier's memoir. Conversely, the listening part insists that his memoir is authentic and reliable. And the professor's arguments are as follows.

To begin with, the writer suspects that the Chevalier did not seem to be wealthy while living in Switzerland. However, the lecturer explained that the Chevalier did get a large amount of loan from parties and gamblings. One possible situation was he did not carry adequate cash with him, therefore, he had to borrow from others.

Moreover, the author is skeptical that the Chevalier can not remember the exact contends of his conversation with Voltaire, a famous writer. On the contrary, the narrator says, as the Chevalier held a good habit of writing down the conversation after each night he talked with Voltaire, it is likely for him to show the real talk via the sortment work of notes after so many years.

What is more, the reading questions the memoir's account of the Chevalier's escape from a prison. Then the listening gives a response: since some individuals who were more powerful than him did not make it to get out of the prison, the Chevalier can hardly be sent free through a bribe. By the way, according to the document, the prison where he stayed, once had been repaired after his escape. Thus, it is obvious that his experience of escape from the Venetian prison is convinced.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-4-13 14:22
TPO8综合修改
The reading material casts doubts on the accuracy of the Chevalier's memoir. Conversely, the listening part insists that his memoir is authentic and reliable. And the professor's arguments are as follows. （第一段写得真好！！！）

To begin with, the writer suspects that the Chevalier did not seem to be wealthy while living in Switzerland. However, the lecturer explained that the Chevalier did get a large amount of loan from parties and gamblings. One possible situation was he did not carry adequate cash with him, therefore, he had to borrow from others.

Moreover, the author is skeptical that the Chevalier can not remember the exact contends of his conversation with Voltaire, a famous writer. On the contrary, the narrator says, as the Chevalier held(kept) a good habit of writing down the conversation after each night he talked with Voltaire, it is likely for him(he was likely to...) to show the real talk via the sortment(?) work of notes after so many years.

What is more, the reading questions the memoir's account of the Chevalier's escape from a prison. Then the listening gives a response: since some individuals who were more powerful than him did not make it to get out of the prison, the Chevalier can hardly be sent free through a bribe. By the way(建议不要用太口语化的表达), according to the document, the prison where he stayed, once had been repaired after his escape. Thus, it is obvious that his experience of escape from the Venetian prison is convinced.

婷婷的这篇文章写得真的棒极了~！基本上没有什么错误，句式的变换灵活多样，彰显出很高的英语水平，要点也都有了，建议再听得细致一点点就更好啦！（晨依有很多地方理解的都出了问题、、、向婷婷学习，尤其是模板句子我很喜欢！加油~~）

作者: 猪兔兔 时间: 2012-4-13 20:38
In contemporary society, an increasing number of people tend to move into metropolises. Someone casts the doubt that whether people living in cities are able to attend their families? In spite of the complexity of the city, I hold the point that citizens could take better care of their family members. And my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, the life in cities enjoys(查了下朗文，这词用的好高级啊) more convenience than that in rural areas. Since the rapid progress of urbanization, 24-hour stores, kindergartens and parks are all available, which grant those city workers a great deal of liberty to undertake business tasks as well as （这里用不用加to 啊，语法都忘了）look after their families. For instance, with the help of kindergarten, their children are likely to get thoroughly educated by informed teachers. And this early education lays a firm foundation for children's future career. Besides, a park is a good place to carry on（这个事什么用法啊，求解释~~~）some family activities, such as tennis or dancing. City workers can bring their children and parents to these places after supper.（这几句话连着都是短句，我觉得可以把其中的一些连起来，这样长短交错一点~~~）Consequently, their family members receive excellent care mentally and physically.

Moreover, it seems that people, living in cities earn more, （这个定语从句是earn是谓语，living in cities 是状语吗？）have the capacity to deal with emergencies. According to the China Finance Institute(CFI), a person who lives in the city（可以适当地用city dweller替换下） gets salary about 50% higher than a man whose house(这个说法感觉不太好) in the countryside does. When it comes to the family affairs, money's function is emphasized（我感觉用indispensable更好一点）. Take my brother Tom as an example, he lives with his parents in a Chinese modern city. Once, he was verified that he caught a bad heart disease needing a big operation right away. Luckily, his parents held a good habit of getting extra money saved regularly in the bank as they both were highly payed in that city. In the end, Tom survived the severe heart disease. （这里我觉得可以扩充一下，说，想象一下，如果他们住在农村，没有这些钱，会有怎样的后果呀blabla…）Thus, it is obvious that citizens are capable to give better care of their families.(总结一般是概括本段主旨的吧，那你应该在这句话中加一下，considering本段论点，所以blabla…)

I concede that individuals living in the rural areas, to some degree, obtain the prominence on aspect of spare time over ones who live downtown. However, analyzing into a deeper situation, people may find out the ignorant fact that most of these rural people are just too meager to cover the family's expenditure as the rural areas have not catch up the tempo of economic development, not mention cautious care to their family members. Conversely, when those city-living men make up a rational time arrangement which lists working hours and family hours, they would get a well management of busy work and the family , resulting in the happiness of children and parents.

Considering analysis on convenience and economy(这个词用的不太恰当，他多指国家经济，指个人一般都是说节约吧), we can easily figure out that people who live in modern cities are likely to give better care of their families.

感觉总体写的还是很好呢，用词丰富，句式多样，结构逻辑清晰~~~恩恩，都挺好的~~~

不像我啊，最近越扯越多，考场上肯定写不完，要好好想出个固定的结构来呢~~~

作者: 猪兔兔 时间: 2012-4-13 20:38
一起加油，哦也！！！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-13 22:52
4月13日 110226 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole.

In contemporary society, an increasing number of people are aware of the importance of the youth. Though, most of they still rely partly on their parents, it is crucial for people to regard the young group as the main force to contribute to the future society. And my standpoints are as follows.

To begin with, the body-building decision made by the adolescence is of salient significance in the future society. It is commonly supported that the fundamentality of maintaining health plays a dispensable role in both current and following society. However, since the advent of computer, young individuals gradually form a negative sedentary lifestyle which may lead to poor health. Then, people should call for the young to make a correct decision towards exercise. Only in this way will the country benefit from the whole nation's health in the future. So, it is obvious that young man nowadays effect on the decisions which are connected with the future of the society.

Besides, the virtues and morality the youth hold in his mind determines how the society develops in the future. Take a Chinese thinker and social philosopher Confucius as a good example. When he was young, Confucius had made a firm decision of being devoted to the country. Therefore, he cultivated a good habit of reading books as well as analyzing governmental policies, which enables him to put forward some convincing arguments. Hence, he was valued highly by the king and he did make exceptable(exceptional) contribution to the county. Thus, we can figure out that a young man's thought just means the process of the future society.

I concede that mid-age individuals count on the social issues to some degree. But how come when they get too older to manage these complex affairs in 30 years? During this period of 30 years, young people who amass adequate experience have already got well prepared for their tasks. In this sense, young men take over their predecessors' place and become mainly involved in those vital events of both domestic and international events, such as signing a contact with foreign countries, or operating a giant international company. So you see, the young people nowadays exert great influence on the decisions which related to the future society closely.

Considering all analysis above, for young people nowadays make some certain decision on their physique and thought, besides they will become the main stream of the social river, it is neccesary for people to emphasize the priority of their minds.

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-14 00:08
婷婷亲~初次见面请多指教！
我的独立写完啦~附上链接一枚^^
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-700995-3-1.html

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-14 12:13
哇~辛苦婷婷了，才发现你改我的独立，咱俩的综合还是互改^^感谢~
我的综合写完啦~等着你的咯^^
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-700995-3-1.html
24楼~

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-4-14 22:13
亲~今天我这的网络打不开论坛了，明天回家了再给你改论文好吗？不好意思了！

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-14 22:59
婷婷的413综合写好的时候告诉我下哈~~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-15 08:54
TPO9 sorry,绿光，写晚了，呜呜！我给你贴这了~
The reading comes up with a new kind of automobile's engine, namely, the fuel-cell engine. However, the listening cast doubts on this new engine with following points.

To begin with, the writer holds that fuel-cell engines show advantages as its power can be derived from plentiful gas and water. Conversely, the lecturer argues that hydrogen is not easily available as it is made from purified liquid with a series procedures. Besides, the hydrogen must be saved in a very cold environment. Thus, it is neither convenient to produce nor store.

Moreover, the writer support this new engine because of its no-pollution burning product. But the narrator take it into a deeper analysis. She says, as hydrogen is made from purified water, it needs quantities of energy from burning coal or oil. Though the car is not pollutant, the factory which produces hydrogen do pollute the atmosphere.

Last but not least, the author think it is economically competitive, with less money cost to operate a fuel-cell engine. On the contrary, the professor put out her opposite views. On the one hand, the manufacture charges people exorbitantly from hydrogen which is a painstaking work to a mass produce. On the other hand, the medal used on the engine is too expensive as they must store hydrogen. Instead, the professor puts forward a new power: electricity.

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-15 10:14
看见了！开改~
===================
The reading comes up with a new kind of automobile's engine, namely, the fuel-cell engine. However, the listening cast doubts on this new engine with following points.

To begin with, the writer holds that fuel-cell engines show advantages as its power can be derived from plentiful gas and water. Conversely, the lecturer argues that hydrogen is not easily available as it is made from purified liquid with a series procedures. Besides, the hydrogen must be saved in a very cold environment. [需要elaborate technology]Thus, it is neither convenient to produce nor store.

Moreover, the writer ~~support~~ supports this new engine because of its no-pollution burning product. But the narrator take it into a deeper analysis that is completely opposed to the writer [我加的，更可以表现出disagree，对比地更明显一些]. She says, as hydrogen is made from purified water, it needs quantities of [补充用法：可接不可数＆可数] energy from burning coal or oil. Though the car is not pollutant, the factory which produces hydrogen do does pollute the atmosphere.

Last but not least, the author ~~think~~ thinks it [最好明确说出是hydrogen-based engine] is economically competitive, with less money cost to operate a fuel-cell engine. On the contrary, the professor ~~put~~ puts out her opposite views. On the one hand, the manufacture charges people exorbitantly from hydrogen which is a painstaking work to a mass produce. [这句的单词和结构都很好，只是以前有人改的时候说，不要对听力文章进行过多的改写，会让别人以为你听的不真切才用自己的句子~你权衡下哈~] On the other hand, the ~~medal~~ metal used on the engine is too expensive as they must store hydrogen. Instead, the professor puts forward a new power: electricity.[这句感觉理解错了：原文是Without the platinum components in the engine, the hydrogen doesn’t undergo the chemical reaction that produces the electricity to power the automobile. 你这里的表达有点像professor又提出了一种新方法是beneficial的]
1. 表示对比的词用的比较多，学习了，我现在光用however了
2. 字数是223字，可以再多一些~
3. 注意下单复数^^

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-15 10:19
TPO9
The reading comes up with a new kind of automobile's engine, namely, the fuel-cell engine. However, the listening cast doubts on this new engine with following points.

To begin with, the writer holds that fuel-cell engines show advantages as its power can be derived from plentiful gas and water. Conversely, the lecturer argues that hydrogen is not easily available as it is made from purified liquid with a series procedures. Besides, the hydrogen must be saved in a very cold environment. Thus, it is neither convenient to produce nor store.

Moreover, the writer support this new engine because of its no-pollution burning product. But the narrator take it into a deeper analysis. She says, as hydrogen is made from purified water, it needs quantities of energy from burning coal or oil. Though the car is not pollutant, the factory which produces hydrogen do pollute the atmosphere.

Last but not least, the author think it is economically competitive, with less money cost to operate a fuel-cell engine. On the contrary, the professor put out her opposite views. On the one hand, the manufacture charges people exorbitantly from hydrogen which is a painstaking work to a mass produce. On the other hand, the medal used on the engine is too expensive as they must store hydrogen. Instead, the professor puts forward a new power: electricity.

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-15 11:04
我在94楼给你改的啦~
PS,帮晨依宣传一个~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-702988-1-1.html
这个是TPO24综合写作的解析整理版~

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-4-16 18:05
前天的独立作文，不好意思才改好Incontemporary society, an increasing number of people are aware of theimportance of ~~the~~ youth. Though, most of they(them)still rely partly on their parents, it is crucial for people to regardthe young group as the main force to contribute to the future society. And mystandpoints are as follows.

To begin with,the body-building decision made by the adolescence（如果想说青春期的时候应该把by改成in，如果想说一类人，应该把adolescence换成adolescent，看后面用的是单数，还是改成in好一些~） is of salient significance in thefuture society. It is commonly supported that the fundamentality of maintaininghealth plays a dispensable role in both current and following society. However,since the advent of computer, young individuals gradually form a negativesedentary lifestyle which may lead to poor health. Then, people should call forthe young to make a correct decision towards exercise. Only in this way willthe country benefit from the whole nation's health in the future. So, it isobvious that young man nowadays effect on the decisions which are connectedwith the future of the society.

Besides, thevirtues and morality the youth hold in his mind determines （determine）how the society develops in thefuture. Take a Chinese thinker and social philosopher Confucius as a goodexample. When he was young, Confucius had made a firm decision of being devotedto the country. Therefore, he cultivated a good habit of reading books as wellas analyzing governmental policies, which enables（enabled） him to put forward someconvincing arguments. Hence, he was valued highly by the king and he did makeexceptable(exceptional) contribution to thecounty. Thus, we can figure out that a young man's thought just means theprocess of the future society.

I concede thatmid-age individuals count on the social issues to some degree. But how comewhen they get too older to manage these complex affairs in 30 years? Duringthis period of 30 years, young people who amass adequate experience havealready got well prepared for their tasks. In this sense（case，没有sense这个用法）, young men take over theirpredecessors' place and become mainly involved in those vital events of bothdomestic and international events, such as signing a contact with foreigncountries, or operating a giant international company. So you see, the youngpeople nowadays exert great influence on the decisions which related to thefuture society closely.

Considering allanalysis above, for young people nowadays make some certain decision on theirphysique and thought, besides they will become the main stream of the social river, it isneccesary for people to emphasize the priority of their minds.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-18 07:48
4.17 独立
In contemporary society, an increasing number of people are aware of the progress of our world since the advent of automobile, internet and telephone so on. However, a group of residents are skeptical that whether people feel pleased with the quick tempo of world. My answer is absolutely yes, and my points are follows.

To begin with, as people are more available to get information via technological science than before,they will no longer frown on these painstaking working tasks. Take the online search as an example, whenever and wherever a person click up into a search engine and key in a few words, then he will get abundant information. The amazing thing is, all the searching work is done in only a few seconds, which spares people a great deal of time to enjoy their own lives, like body-shaping or watching movies at a theater. So you see, since the technology releases people from hard working pressure, people feel much more delighted.

Moreover, the improvement of economy enables people to live a higher-quality life, hence people smile in a more frequent time. During the past years, citizens were too meager to meet their basic needs. They feel hot in summer and frozen in winter, besides it is likely they may suffer from starvation. How could they feel happy? On the contrary, with the development of the society, people nowadays each large quantities of money which make the high-quality life possible: people could buy refrigerator and heater and they will not suck in the changeable weather; person who owns a car can reach remote places and save a lot of time; imbibing meat help people keep a nutrient diet. Hence, people live a better life, and they are happier.

Besides, as the world tends to be a whole unition, people from different countries are able to communicate with each other, which satisfies people's increasing mental need. For instance, a Hollywood hit called Transformer which draws thousands of curious eyes could put its priemire in a developing country within few days. In this sense, people from all over the world receive the same treat due to globalization. By the way, in current world, people will not feel strange when witness an American and an African walking together in campus. No doubts, they will enhance the two regions' cultural combination. Thus, the international communication makes people more familiar with the word and enrich people's knowledge, which offers people much satisfication.

Some people may hold negative attitude towards this changing world to some degree, but when considering into depth, we get the improvement of these aspects: information, economy, and communication. Thus, it is our great opportunity to live in this world and we really share a happy and rich life.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-18 14:31
4.17 综合
The topic is whether private collectors are supposed to purchase fossils. The reading material holds negative attitudes towards those private collectors' behavior. Conversely, the listening part casts doubts on it, she argues that the points which reading material holds are greatly exaggerated.

To begin with, the writer thinks fossils should be donated to museums, but the lecturer refutes it. According to the lecturer, collecting fossils privately does not mean less exposure to the public. Instead,the public benefit a lot from these commercial fossils exposures.(这一点木有听得太明白)

Besides, the author says, private fossil collection makes scientists lose access to some of the most important fossils and miss out some crucial discoveries. On the contrary, the narrator explains, though some vital fossils are discovered by some person, this person must ask some scientists to be at scenes. Therefore, since these fossils are still pass through the hands of scientists first, it is not likely to lose some discoveries.

Moreover, the writer wonders that commercial fossil collectors often destroy valuable scientific evidence as they are untrained to carry out the careful field work. However, the professor supports that most evidence is simply go under the earth, which is mostly associated with the fossil's location. Thus, these valuable scientific evidence will not be damaged while unearth working.

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