Re 作文作文 连续 试写2次

sclovexj

9.28 ：businessto successful, must put more money in advertising

Does company with lots of advertising in medium stand for success? Does company put more money in advertising stand for success? First of all, let us define the meaning of that, “ Business to successful” is meant that company has good profit each year, has excellent turnover, keeps well sales service, keeps fine feedbacks from employees and so forth, that is to say, business to successful ,must not only focus on advertising ,but also focus on above factors.
   As I just mentioned, there are lots of elements that will effect business to be successful, For one thing, if business without enough profit , how can one company put more money in advertising? That will worsen business, so to put more money in increasing profit is first and foremost thing, to increase profit includes two aspects, one is to pump the sales turnover, another is to reduce the cost and fee aptly. To pump the sales turnover also embraced plenty of approaches, such as visiting customers regularly, attending exhibitions and advertising. When company has low profit or just startup, it should choose the two formers.
   Additionally, satisfaction of employees must be considered, nowadays, it’s not easy to keep the low fluidity of employees, if employees has low satisfaction, that will influence the quality of products and the service of sales, then that must effect development of business, to put more money in prompting employees’ quality and welfare is priority among priorities in business.
   Admittedly, business wants to be successful, advertising is necessary to some extent, when business is mature for their goods’ quality and service, company should broadcast their reputation for further success by advertising, but most significant issue before advertising is to keep good quality and well service for customers, otherwise, To put more money in advertising will have the order reversed.
   From above discussed , in conclusion, business to successful, must order priorities of invested items in company, inner aspects firstly and outer aspects sequently, to run all integrated elements well will exert business to summit of success.

橙圆

前方高能。。。。。

sclovexj

9.30 真心难写，憋出汗do you agree with that government should support the scientific research even there's no practical use

Whether or not government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use ,supporting or not supporting depends on the capital level, environmental status of this country and so on. It’s not simple answer “yes or no”. This issue will be separated by two situations in poor and rich countries.
   
First of all, in poor country, it’s significant that scientific research with practical use  will immediately involve in their routine lives and help country out. Taking Africa as
example, Africa lacks of capital budget that will be invested into necessary sites for
rescuing victims or starvers. Under such circumstances , if African government still
divides the capital budget into several parts to exert scientific research even there’s no practical use instead of developing practical scientific researching, the result of such researching will cause much waste of capital and other resources, such as materials used for researching and so forth. On the contrary, if their government invests capital in practical usage like medicines which can cure the illness and diseases of African, this investment will solve the basic requirements of African in health.

Secondly, in affluent countries, government surely can support the scientific research even there’s no practical use. Such as America and some developed European countries, they have not only abundant financial ability , but also enough manpower and extra material resources. America is researching science of life and gene engineering for prolong human’s life in future, this sort of researching has little related with current practical usage in reality. However by－products from science of life and gene engineering can resolve or diminish the lesion caused or inherited by gene.

In conclusion, In different status, government may choose diverse solution to support various scientific research without and with practical values, it’s similar with modern families that rich families will consider to invest their extra money in stock marketing or buying luxury goods, nevertheless, families under poverty and shortage will only spend their money in necessities.

ForTheAC

Whether or not government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use ,supporting or not supporting（是不是忘删了） depends on the capital level, environmental status of this country and so on. It’s not simple answer “yes or no”.(这个用法我没见过不知道对不对) This issue will be separated by（divided into） two（different） situations in poor and rich countries.
   
First of all, in poor country, it’s significant that scientific research with practical use  will immediately involve in their routine lives and help country out. Taking Africa as
example, Africa lacks of capital budget that will be invested into necessary sites for
rescuing victims or starvers. Under such circumstances , if African government still
divides the capital budget into several parts to exert（back / support） scientific research even there’s no practical use instead of developing（promoting） practical scientific researching, the result of such researching（research） will cause much waste of capital and other resources, such as materials used for researching and so forth. On the contrary, if their government invests capital in practical usage like medicines which can cure the illness and diseases of African, this investment will solve the basic requirements of African in health.

Secondly, in affluent countries, government surely can support the scientific research even there’s no practical use. Such as America and some developed European countries, they have not only abundant financial ability（abundant怎么能修饰能力呢,要么说充足的资金要么说强大的能力） , but also enough manpower and extra material resources. America is researching science of life and gene engineering for prolonging human’s life in future, this sort of researching has little related with current practical usage in reality. However, by－products from science of life and gene engineering can resolve or diminish（这俩词表达的意思有啥区别） the lesion caused or inherited by gene.

In conclusion, In different status, government may choose diverse solution to support various scientific research without and with practical values, it’s similar with modern families that rich families will consider to invest（investing） their extra money in stock marketing or buying luxury goods,(这句实在是不忍直视啊= =花点功夫研究一下怎么表达吧) nevertheless, families under（in） poverty and shortage will only spend their money in necessities.

立论，论证的结构啥的都不错，词汇大部分都比较合适。
不过语法运用，如何造句还是很欠火候，尤其是在开头和结尾表达不地道甚至有语法错误，这会对评分很不利。
有劣势才有提升空间，一起努力吧！！

sclovexj

ForTheAC 发表于 2014-10-1 23:19
Whether or not government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use ,sup ...

太感谢 Forthe AC，直接指出我的大问题所在，对的，这篇文章开始就不知道如何去开头，然后结尾也很草率，
你一眼就看出来了，
1. 如果用 seperated into是否能喝divided into相互替换？ 因为下面有用到divided into
2.将资金分成几部分后运用在科学领域， exert in some field 可行么？因为通篇都是support 想直接替换一下～
3.abundant  capital想表达的是雄厚的资金实力
4.resolve是解决，diminish是减少，我后面可能需要加一个名词这样对应前面的两个动词，
   resolve or diminish the problems and potential lesion caused or inherited by gene.
5. To support or not scientific research with or without practical values is up to the capability of different government, just as to spend money in different families. In rich family,they will consider investing their  extra money in luxury goods or stock marketing ,nevertheless, family in poverty and shortage will merely
spend their money in necessities.
这样可以么？

sclovexj

橙圆 发表于 2014-9-29 23:10
前方高能。。。。。

1. is meant that 是我仿照一个文章里面的定义法来写的， means也可以就是不是很正式；
2.business to success must faces not only on advertising but also on above factors..这样可以么？
3.if后面我看过有跟短语的，但是一般是要跟句子，我还是写的正式点因是在写作中。
4.that 指代business without enough profit ，
5.太感谢指出用逗号的问题，我就只管写有时候，不管停顿了。
6.如果我想让if后面的主句指代条件句中的内容，主语如何写呢？
   if employees has low satisfaction, that (替换成this status？) will influence the quality of products and the service of sales, then that must effect development of business,
7. broadcast their goods and earn reputation. ( 我想表达的是宣传他们的产品赢得声誉）
8. 才发现真的run-on sentence 是多～多谢亲指出～

ForTheAC

ForTheAC 发表于 2014-10-1 23:19
Whether or not government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use ,sup ...

1. seperate into没问题，类似的词还有split into
2. exert+资金这个搭配我不确定对不对。。类似的可以用infuse，provide，invest什么的
3. 这样可以但是加ability就不太合适了
4. 这个没问题也不用加problem，主要我对resolve不太熟悉
5. 第一句里的with or可以去掉毕竟不需要探讨with的情况加着有点累赘，as to一般表示至于,直接用as就好
Whether or not support scientific research without practical values is up to the capability of different government, just as making budgets in different families.

sclovexj

ForTheAC 发表于 2014-10-2 12:24
1. seperate into没问题，类似的词还有split into
2. exert+资金这个搭配我不确定对不对。。类似的可以用 ...

好的，多谢～
加强词汇和句法任重而道远～