Echo作文贴~请大家多多指教！

perfectends

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-28 13:36
嘿嘿，谢谢~~~版主亲临，好开森！

O(∩_∩)O~是你温暖过大家，所以大家会来温暖你。鄙人最初就是被这样的味道征服，爱的CD...

sweetyecho

3.28 独立

coffa

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-29 20:46
3.28 独立

我还需要好好提高，才能更好的发现你的错误

sweetyecho

coffa 发表于 2014-3-30 19:41
我还需要好好提高，才能更好的发现你的错误

多谢亲！！！

sweetyecho

3.31 独立

chushidefeng

例子举得很巧妙
用了另一个系统，怕你看不到批注。若看不到请站短，我再重新发一次

sweetyecho

chushidefeng 发表于 2014-4-1 17:13
例子举得很巧妙
用了另一个系统，怕你看不到批注。若看不到请站短，我再重新发一次 ...

妥妥能看到啊！嘿嘿~~~谢谢建议，辛苦了~

sweetyecho

4.2 独立~

chushidefeng

Young people today are more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young people were at the past.

Historically, countless celebrities reminisced about their striving years: even though the environment was harsh, they all felt motivated and content because they changed and improved the world by their own intelligence and power. However, currently, a growing number of the elderly complain that young people nowadays are much lazier than the young people at their times. It is impossible that this opinion is totally objective, but from my point of view, this opinion makes sense in some aspects.

First of all, with the fast advancement of society, people have more lifestyles, regardless of whether this lifestyle(whether在这里是连词后面应该跟句子), in terms of production or technology（这句是从生产或科技的角度来说？）, is useful to the world. As long as young people enjoy their own lifestyles, they are successful. Take an ordinary couple as an example. From the tradition perspective, they are not that kind of successful people. But they have exactly become the models that many young people desperately want to be. Who are they? They are just the writers of the household magazine or manual—Lonely Planet. They travelled around the world as backpackers and recorded some tips during their travelling days for other tourists, pursuing the inner success in their hearts. Maybe they have not given the same time and effort to improve the world as the people in the past. However, it must be noticed that they are happier and it is just these people (who) make the world colorful.

At the same time, a lot more electronic games and entertainment methods have distracted young people from study and work（加上 所以人们就没有时间commit themselves to helping others）. The life in the past is like a one-way street. Everybody can only walk on this way. By contrast, the life nowadays resembles a labyrinth. The people in it all feel confused and may walk on a wrong way for some time. We must admit this reality and face(face up to) it. One of my cousins was confused in his labyrinth and did not know how to go out of the wrong way until his parents directed him. When he was in primary school, he got addicted to the Internet, spending all his time in the Internet Bar playing games. Even though he realized this problem, he could not get rid of it. Consequently, he could not pass the exams and dropped out of school. As far as I am concerned, this phenomenon is widespread, even inevitable, since the world is so complicated that young people could not control themselves well.


Last but not least, with the rapid enhancement of communication and traffic, young people are not necessary to pour the same time to work as the young in the past. It is possible that a task which would be accomplished for 3days in the past can be finished in one day now. People can save the time to relax and company with their families. In conclusion, the lack of working time or effort should not be blamed on young people themselves. It ought to be attributed to the soaring work efficiency.

Ps. 这段开头改成young people never dedicate time and energy saved by the enhancement of communication and traffic to improving the world.


All in all, in this day and age, young people are not accustomed to the life young people in the past may leaded（lead）. If they have some time, they are possible to enjoy themselves rather than work to improve the world.


Ps. 作者文笔很好啊，但是可以改一下body paragraph的第一句话啊，否则可能让人觉得论述得不是很充分。

sweetyecho

4.15 综合-TPO2 by sweetyecho